Lose of husband

[Lindahun]

I lost my husband of 29 years to lung cancer April 12th, 2016 after a four year battle . I'm so lost without him. I really don't know how to carry on. 

Everyone thinks I'm doing so great. But they have no ideal how alone I feel. And I really would rather be alone than spend too much time with friends now. 

I also hate to go to bed at night and hate to wake in the morning. Feel like there is no use in getting out of bed but have to get up to take care of my dogs. 

[Forever His x]

Hi , 

im sorry for your loss , and that your on the forum , i wish i wasnt too ! 

i feel the exact same way there is no life now what is the point , i dont know how to carry on with out him and im really struggling . 
The only reason i get out of bed in the morning is to take care of our son if it wasnt for him well im not too sure anymore . 

this is horrible , its good to be able to talk to others who understand the pain . 

[Parachute]

My heart goes out to you. Lost my wife of 39 years June 20. I experience many of the same feelings...so empty. Friends are helping, and I make myself go to work. Tears come and overwhelm...but God provides friends and neighbors who encourage me. 

 

[Lostnalone]

Hi

im sorry for you loss. I am Linda and feel your pain. I also keep going for my dog. Dont know how really. Hope here you can find some comfort, as i have, with ppl feeling same. Tell us about your beloved or anything you want. Hugs

[MadelineMQ]

All -- It saddens me to know that others are experiencing the wrenching pain I feel, but I am happy to have found this site and find solace in knowing there are others who can relate. I lost my fiance and partner of seven years in a tragic accident. He was on a trip in Michigan with his friends when he was in an auto accident on 5/26/16. I received the call the following morning and was told I needed to fly from our home in Colorado to be with him in the hospital. When I arrived he had already been placed in a medically induced coma and remained that way until he passed on 6/6/16. He passed with my family and his family by his side, he was only 30 years old. Being with him in the hospital was the most traumatic experience of my life and I can't seem to shake the memories--seeing him lying there, and me feeling completely helpless. The grief feels impossible to bear, and knowing that he is the only person in the world who could possibly understand the loss I'm feeling is the most lonely feeling in the world. We purchased our first house in May 2015 and were engaged to be married on September 1, 2016. He was the kindest, most gentle person I've ever known. He loved me more than I've ever been loved before and I loved him more than I can even put into words.

I cant help, however, feeling guilt over all of the things I could and should have done differently. I'm trying desperately to just hang on to the fact that he was happy, we shared an amazing life together, and that the bright moments far out-weighed the dark. One thing that keeps me going is to imagine reversing the roles. If it were me who died, would I want him to live the rest of his life full of regret and sadness over the seemingly small fights (like not saying 'I love you' the last time you hung up the phone)? The answer is absolutely 'No'. Not an ounce of my being would want him to suffer over the things that can't now be changed. If in life you both knew your love was real and deep, then in death you believe the same.

Lately I'm also feeling terrified about where he is now. We were spiritual and faithful, but not religious. Where is he? Is he with God? Does everything end when you die? Is he watching me when I cry? Is he sad to see me cry? Does he wish he could return or is he in a better place? I'm also struggling with the profound sadness I feel for him. He had his whole life in front of him and I was all ripped away in an instant. Of all the people in this world, he was one of the best examples of a moral, ethical, loyal, generous, optimistic, happy souls that I've known and he, of all people, did not deserve this.

Like many of you have mentioned, it helps to have support of family and friends, but no one truly understands the depth of sadness, loneliness and fear you feel after losing your partner. The grief seems to finally be setting in; each day is more difficult, the depressing dreams are getting more vivid, and the terrifying reality of my new future life is coming into clearer view. I imagined finalizing wedding plans this week, not planning a memorial service for the love of my life. If you haven't experienced it you cant possibly grasp the profundity of the emptiness.

I wish you all as much peace as you can muster each minute and urge you to live each day in a way that would make your partner proud--to make them say "That's my girl/boy! There's the person I know and love!" My thoughts and prayers go out to each of you today and tomorrow.

-M

[KayC]

Linda,

I'm glad you have your dogs, my Arlie is what gives me incentive as well.  

Right now you're not feeling like being around anyone.  You may feel differently tomorrow, and hopefully they won't all disappear on you by the time you do want and need them.  It might help to explain to them that you're feeling the need to be alone to process your loss, but that you hope they'll understand and still be there tomorrow when you've had more time.  It's hard for those who haven't been through it to have any inkling what you're going through, and even if they had experienced loss, we all handle our grief differently.  You had an amazing love for many years, it's to be expected it's going to take a while to make your way through this.  Are you seeing, or have you seen, a grief counselor?

Meanwhile, it does help to express yourself here, or in a journal, just to get it out.

[claribassist13]

Grief is an ugly thing, and it's great to have a community of other people to talk to. 

Keep reaching out to us, and we'll all be able to help each other out.