i dont know what to do

[Dandapanda]

my nan has been ill for a long time now, she had surgery to remove cancer and it worked but she's been in so much pain since that its caught up to her. She's been steadily losing weight, currently just over 6 stone fully clothed, and she's so frail its terrifying. I've always been so close to her and now I don't know what to do, I don't live close to her so I cant see her as often as I would like but at the moment she is having a lot of accidents like falling out of bed and getting hurt. She has made it clear she would never want to go to a hospice or a nursing home and we know she would die hating us if we forced her so we're in a very hard situation. I've not seen her for a few weeks due to work commitments and I feel horrible and like I'm a terrible person because if I'm honest..I'm scared. I know she had a fall recently and other family members had to phone an ambulance and my aunt was afraid to touch her as she is so skinny she doesn't want to hurt her. I'm scared to see my nan like that, she's asked other family to either downplay her situation or to just outright not tell me anything as she doesn't want to upset me being her granddaughter but I hate secrets so they have to tell me and it scares me more. Am I a horrible person? How do I face her and try and put on an act that everything is ok when I know its not?

[ModKonnie]

My best advice is to go and don't act like everything is okay. Acknowledge how ill she is, and talk to her about it. You are not a horrible person at all--just scared. Be sure and tell her you love her, and spend a little time with her telling stories and listening to hers. You will not regret it, and you will feel better. 

We will be with you,

ModKonnie