Loss of Mother at 2 years old

[janesgirl]

I am new here and writing for my mother.  She asked me to since she doesn't know computers and I suggested discussion boards which have helped me out.

My mom was only two years old when her mother died of breast cancer.  My mother is turning 60 years old and has been battling this all of her life.

She has tried many different therapists throughout the years.  She's found that none of them has ever really been able to relate to her and that's why none of them have been able to help her.

She hasn't been to a new therapist for awhile.  I would guess at least 10 years.  She says she just got tired of searching for new ones and rehashing the same story over and over.

There were 11 children in her family and she was the 10th one.  She has two sisters, one was 18 when it happened and the other 10.  She is the closest with her sisters, but they live four hours away and she only gets to see them every three months or so.

I know that my mom puts a lot of blame on her oldest sister for not stepping in to fill the 'mother' role.  I tried to remind her that my aunt was just getting married and starting her own family.  She wasn't able to take on the role of raising her siblings.

I'm no therapist, so I can only respond to her how I see the situation.  Besides, I'm pretty much the only one that will talk to her about it regularly, or that she'll talk to.  I suggested that she needs to talk more to her sister about it.  Which she has recently.

After mom speaking with her, my aunt made a scrapbook for my mom.  In it, she placed family photos and handwritten descriptions.  It shows a very happy family, her dad and everyone, and I think this is what my mother was missing.  The happy family - she didn't get that.  It leads me to another topic, her dad.

The conversations that I've had with my aunt portray their mother and father as the happiest couple in town.  Their father was always loving to the children and smitten with his wife.  Publicly showing affection to her anytime.

When their mother passed, it seems as though he died along with her.  My mom only remembers him in passing.  No real affection, no talking.  She never has ANYTHING to say about him.  Personally, I think that was the root.  If her father hadn't faded away, mom might be okay.

Anyhoo, if anyone knows of any books that might help her, please let me know.  Also, if anyone is in the Anderson, IN area that knows a good therapist, she would appreciate it.

Thanks.

[socal2010]

You probably already heard about this but there's an organization called "Motherless Daughters" for women who lost their Moms when they were young. They have support groups all over.

That was nice of your Aunt to make a scrapbook for your Mom. I think your Mom is being too hard on your Aunt. It wasn't her responsibility to become the new mother for the family. She was so young herself.

Since your Mom has been having problems all these years, I think she needs to change the way she views things. I'm not an expert obviously, but it's hard finding a GOOD therapist. The fact that she hasn't had any luck yet with connecting to one isn't surprising. She should try again. Try to find a therapist who specializes in cognitive therapy. It's a more practical approach and it focuses more on changing the way someone looks at things instead of talking about every detail of the past.

It seems like your Mom has a lot of love in her life but just doesn't see it. Maybe a cognitive therapist could help her see that.

[angel44]

poor thing go give her lots of hugs -- i wish my mother was still here to comfort

[janesgirl]

Thank you for the Motherless Daughters reference.  She told me that she has that book and connected with it.  I did a search and found that they have a discussion board.  Maybe I can get her onto the internet for it.