What do you do with all his stuff ?

[Forever His x]

what do you do with everything , when is the right time to do anything with everything . 

I'm still in disbeliefe that anything's happened , I just don't know what to do . 

What have you done and what time frame ? .

[StillLoveMelanie]

I'm not certain.  I know how people become hoarders.  I have all of her clothes and some other items of hers that I cant bring myself to do anything with them.  I can only tell you what you what my sister has told me.  She went through a very contentious divorce, but when the dust settled from that, her and her ex were very good friends.  He died and she kept a lot of his things from his place in her garage.  She says there just came a time when there wasn't an emotion involved with it and she just went through it.  Donated most, kept some things that she thought their daughter might like.  She said it was just like going through anythjng else that needed cleaning.  I think you know when you get there.  Only you know when that is.  Don't let others tell you when that is.  I've heard stories about family members pressuring the bereaved into cleaning out personal things from their loved ones only to have the bereaved regret that later on and wishing they had some of the things back.  I don't think there is any set time limit on it, I just think you know 

[Krantz]

There is this website, you can just google it, but you can get his clothes made into a quilt. Im going to do that with my fiancé's favorite clothes. It will be a good remembrance 

[Forever His x]

thankyou for replying , i think i need to wait a bit longer as i dont have that feeling about it all at the moment , so hopefully i will know when its right , although its all so wrong and i dont want to have to be doing any of it . 

thats a nice idea to keep in mind about the quilt . 

[Krantz]

Yeah just take your time with his belongings, there is no rush. As of right now, I can't stay in our house, so I've been staying with his family. I honestly don't think I can go back home. Emotionally I will fall apart every time I'm there, plus I can't afford the mortgage on my own. It sucks, but looking for a new place to live might be the best option. I've been thinking over the next year or so, moving to a completely different area/state and starting fresh.. We'll see...

[claribassist13]

I would definitely wait until you are ready. If you need to, move it to a different room, but then leave it for a while. You'll know when you are ready to start going through stuff, but it doesn't have to be anytime soon. 

[Forever His x]

22 hours ago, Krantz said:

Yeah just take your time with his belongings, there is no rush. As of right now, I can't stay in our house, so I've been staying with his family. I honestly don't think I can go back home. Emotionally I will fall apart every time I'm there, plus I can't afford the mortgage on my own. It sucks, but looking for a new place to live might be the best option. I've been thinking over the next year or so, moving to a completely different area/state and starting fresh.. We'll see...

i seem to be talking to you over a few threads so ill just reply to everything here . 
see im in a similar situation but not exact so ill try to explain my living arrangements , we have quiet a big house that is basically split into two so the rest of my family have got the living space downstairs and me and my partner and baby had the upstairs totally shut off to one another yet close to each other . so now im in the downstairs bit and cant face going up everything has been left the same as soon as i go up i cry see his stuff feel faint , i just cant accept any of it , im debating on moving or building on the house as i know i cant go back up and carry on living the way we were meant to , yet do to the other options still makes me feel guilty . 
What have you done with all his belongings have you moved them or left them in the house ? do you feel "better" not being in the house ? 
every day feels the same and i cant get it through my head i feel im going mad !! , i feel so lucky to have our little boy and he gets me through the days , but i wish he was seeing him grow with me it shouldnt be me just bringing him up its all just one big mess and all these emotions i just cant handle it all im really struggling. 

[Forever His x]

15 hours ago, claribassist13 said:

I would definitely wait until you are ready. If you need to, move it to a different room, but then leave it for a while. You'll know when you are ready to start going through stuff, but it doesn't have to be anytime soon. 

yeah maybe im not quiet ready to do anything with any of it , i dont want to have to do anything with it all i want him to come home ! 
this is ridiculous . 

[claribassist13]

Sadly, we all have to deal with it at some point. Eventually you'll be okay to go through it. And at some point you'll even want to. But like I said, no rush. 

[Krantz]

I haven't really gone back to our house since he passed away, its been way too hard.  I know eventually I will need to go back there to pack up our belongings, but as of right now I'm not ready. I'm currently staying with his family which is 40 mins from our house and with having them around plus our dog Pede, it helps me get through this difficult journey.  I'm thinking of getting an apartment that will accept dogs for now then probably 12 months from now I'm going to move to a different state.  Adam and I wanted to move to Colorado and settle down there, so I might just make the move myself.  Its about 1500-2000 miles away from where I currently live and will be a whole new adventure. My fiancé always loved that state and used to live there for a few winters, so I'm thinking in honor of him, I'll take on the challenge.  But that wont happen for a while.  As of right now, I need to be around his family and friends.  As for his belongings, I have not touch them.  I don't want to throw any of this stuff away, so everything is still sitting our house.  I'm not looking forward going through everything.

I think as time goes by, you might be able to go back to your part of the house.  There is no rush and luckily you have your family living with you.  I would just leave your fiancés stuff until you're emotionally ready to go through it. 

[Forever His x]

13 minutes ago, Krantz said:

I haven't really gone back to our house since he passed away, its been way too hard.  I know eventually I will need to go back there to pack up our belongings, but as of right now I'm not ready. I'm currently staying with his family which is 40 mins from our house and with having them around plus our dog Pede, it helps me get through this difficult journey.  I'm thinking of getting an apartment that will accept dogs for now then probably 12 months from now I'm going to move to a different state.  Adam and I wanted to move to Colorado and settle down there, so I might just make the move myself.  Its about 1500-2000 miles away from where I currently live and will be a whole new adventure. My fiancé always loved that state and used to live there for a few winters, so I'm thinking in honor of him, I'll take on the challenge.  But that wont happen for a while.  As of right now, I need to be around his family and friends.  As for his belongings, I have not touch them.  I don't want to throw any of this stuff away, so everything is still sitting our house.  I'm not looking forward going through everything.

I think as time goes by, you might be able to go back to your part of the house.  There is no rush and luckily you have your family living with you.  I would just leave your fiancés stuff until you're emotionally ready to go through it. 

i sit here replying on this forum and i feel im in a bit of a daze i know its me typing and saying what im saying yet it just doesnt register , do you feel youve accepted what has happened ?  its so lovely that your with his family must feel really nice , and everything you have planned for the future sounds a real good positive out look too , how do you do that ? i just dont know im all over the place i have lost so much all with in one man i feel my life for me not for my son , but for me is just over i just dont see the point in it anymore nothing makes sense . i think your right in just leaving his stuff for now , i wont be throwing anything out but maybe just sorting out and putting away but i dont want to be doing that i just want him home , just how can this even be happening im so lost and broken . and then it breaks my heart to think about our baby his an amazing dad and breaks my heart for both of them missing out on so much .
its "nice" to talk to other people in the situation but its not as that means your experiencing it too but its nice when people understand what your talking about and feel the emotions too . i just want someone to bring him back to me .

[Krantz]

No I have not accepted my fiancés death. I've been feeling the same way, I feel like I'm not comprehending anything. I feel like I'm in a fog. I still don't want to believe this happened to him. I just feel lost. Well I guess because I've been feeling so lost, I start making future plans. It's the only way for me to "try" to move on. I'm not necessary making rash decisions, just getting some ideas. Who knows, probably 12 months from now I don't want to move. Maybe in 3 months, I want to go back to our home. I don't know yet, I'm just as lost as you. Just need to take it one day at a time. Tonight during dinner, his parents and I all cried, then we laughed about a good memory, then we get upset again. It will happen, it's all in the grieving process. Yes, leaving his stuff as is would be a good idea for the time being. Or maybe just stick his stuff in another room that you don't go into or a closet or something. Just so it's not out in the open. Have someone come with you while you are in your living area, because it will be hard with all the memories. It will take time, just don't rush it!

[trawna]

First, I gave myself time ... a great deal of time. I could not deal with any of it for several  months so I did absolutely nothing until I had the need to move on. Next, I set aside a very few things of his that I really wanted to keep. Then I called our daughter and asked her to go though his things and take what was meaningful to her, and I insisted she take his wedding ring and his car, because I really wanted her to have them. (I had his ring resized to fit her). Then I asked his brothers what, if anything, they wanted, and after that asked his friends to come over and take whatever they wanted of his belongings such as his fishing gear, tools, etcetera. When they had all chosen what they wanted (and this took over a year, by the way) I finally went through what was left and  donated it to a variety of charitable organizations, because I knew that was what he would have wanted. It took a long time, and I suspect I will still come across some things in the basement or in a cupboard somewhere where I have not looked, but I have to tell you that I did feel so much better after I had distributed all of his personal effects to those who I knew would appreciate them and remember him every time  they used them. I really needed to distribute these things because having them there just made me so sad, and I was so relieved that they would find a home with people he loved. I hope you will find some solace in doing something like this.

[Forever His x]

17 hours ago, Krantz said:

No I have not accepted my fiancés death. I've been feeling the same way, I feel like I'm not comprehending anything. I feel like I'm in a fog. I still don't want to believe this happened to him. I just feel lost. Well I guess because I've been feeling so lost, I start making future plans. It's the only way for me to "try" to move on. I'm not necessary making rash decisions, just getting some ideas. Who knows, probably 12 months from now I don't want to move. Maybe in 3 months, I want to go back to our home. I don't know yet, I'm just as lost as you. Just need to take it one day at a time. Tonight during dinner, his parents and I all cried, then we laughed about a good memory, then we get upset again. It will happen, it's all in the grieving process. Yes, leaving his stuff as is would be a good idea for the time being. Or maybe just stick his stuff in another room that you don't go into or a closet or something. Just so it's not out in the open. Have someone come with you while you are in your living area, because it will be hard with all the memories. It will take time, just don't rush it!

I totally understand what your saying when you describe it as a fog . and yeah I can make sense of that actually suppose its a way of trying to pre occupy your mind although they never leave your thoughts . I think that's the hard part when you had your whole life planned with them then with in seconds its destroyed stolen and your just standing there frozen with everything else rushing around you and before you know it its been "x" amount of time and I'm just sitting there thinking how have I made it this far its crazy . The thoughts the feelings the emotions they are too much to handle I suppose that's why we go numb and in this zombie state well for me anyway then I let it slip and in come the deep thoughts and I loose it and cry hysterically . yeah I think by the sounds of it where I'm a mess I'm trying to think of what to do ect and I just need to step back and go with the time and try to occupy my mind in between everything . yourll have to keep me updated on what decision you end up making with your house .

[Forever His x]

15 hours ago, trawna said:

First, I gave myself time ... a great deal of time. I could not deal with any of it for several  months so I did absolutely nothing until I had the need to move on. Next, I set aside a very few things of his that I really wanted to keep. Then I called our daughter and asked her to go though his things and take what was meaningful to her, and I insisted she take his wedding ring and his car, because I really wanted her to have them. (I had his ring resized to fit her). Then I asked his brothers what, if anything, they wanted, and after that asked his friends to come over and take whatever they wanted of his belongings such as his fishing gear, tools, etcetera. When they had all chosen what they wanted (and this took over a year, by the way) I finally went through what was left and  donated it to a variety of charitable organizations, because I knew that was what he would have wanted. It took a long time, and I suspect I will still come across some things in the basement or in a cupboard somewhere where I have not looked, but I have to tell you that I did feel so much better after I had distributed all of his personal effects to those who I knew would appreciate them and remember him every time  they used them. I really needed to distribute these things because having them there just made me so sad, and I was so relieved that they would find a home with people he loved. I hope you will find some solace in doing something like this.

sounds lovely what you had done with his wedding ring , and I keep hearing the word "time" a lot recently , so maybe I will have to listen and hope that "time" is the answer , at the moment I don't see anything getting better , I just want him to walk through the door and come home to me I cant get it in my head that he wont , I don't want to be moving all his stuff and putting it away I just want him to be in it all touching it all , just I'm so lost now I haven't got him .
You sound as if you done really well with sorting everything out and seem to be happy with the decisions you made , its also good you felt a relief from doing what you did.

at the moment I just don't see how any of this gets solved the only thing I can see solving this is having him back.

[Krantz]

I totally understand. I just feel like I cannot find happiness anymore.  Adam was my world and he was the only man I've known who loved me for who I am.  I just cant believe he passed away so suddenly and right before our special day in September.  We were both looking forward for our wedding. Everything was done and cancelling the wedding was so unbearably hard.  I just miss him so much and I feel like I'm cursed.  I guess like they all say, time heals.  So far, I've been feeling worse..

[Forever His x]

22 hours ago, Krantz said:

I totally understand. I just feel like I cannot find happiness anymore.  Adam was my world and he was the only man I've known who loved me for who I am.  I just cant believe he passed away so suddenly and right before our special day in September.  We were both looking forward for our wedding. Everything was done and cancelling the wedding was so unbearably hard.  I just miss him so much and I feel like I'm cursed.  I guess like they all say, time heals.  So far, I've been feeling worse..

100% agree with you there , its like all the happiness has been drained from me too , how can i be happy when it was him who made me happy the only thing that is going to solve this is by having him back , and i know deep down that isnt going to happen , there just isnt no point any more for myself i keep going for our baby . 
i can imagine how hard that must of been to cancel everything . we were engaged and were going to get married with in a few years , out of respect and honour to my fiance i have had my name changed by deed poll and taken on his last name , it felt right and was something i wanted to do for him aswell as me . 
i understand everyone says time heals but does it really ? how does this get "better" suppose it doesnt as people say you learn to live with it , but i dont want to learn to live with it i want him . id do anything in the world to bring him back , i like you miss him like crazy everything about him every little detail all his little ways he was just perfect and he was all mine and i was all his . i felt so lucky that i had fount him and at such a young age too i had everything i could of dreamed of and more because i had him . 
this is horrible . 

[Krantz]

Its interesting, I'm wanted to take Adams last name and here in the U.S. I have to get an attorney and get a judge to approve my request because of all the frauds out there.  My attorney thinks the judge will not approve if I were to drop my last name and take his.  Instead, they might be able to approve me dropping my middle name and replacing it with his last name but keep my last name the same. How does it work in the U.K. if you want to change your name but not married?

[Forever His x]

We decided to have a baby before marriage due to my medical reasons , so when we were going to get married i didnt want to officially drop my last name i wanted to double barrel it so thats what we done with babies name , so i decided to double barrel my name too as planned and changed my title to mrs aswell . 

so i had to fill out the appropriate forms and enrol my new name through an agency as such who deal with it all to be enrolled and sent off to the royal courts of justice and accepted through deed poll . they then sent me the certificate which has been approved then i had to sign my old name and signature and my new name and signature which im now legally known by and have a witness sign who isnt family and have known me for more than 10 years . so im in the process now of changing my now new name over on all my records ect . 
Its a shame its not as simple as that in the US but if you could change your middle name thats great , i do feel different now ive changed my name it has so much meaning behind it yes ofcourse id rather of married him and have changed my name that way , but by still doing it shows my commitment honour love and respect and just feels "right" amongst all the mess .

[KayC]

We're all different.  My mom came home from my dad's funeral and started throwing all his clothes out.  My BIL offered to help sell some of my dad's collectibles but she threw them away too, didn't wait any time at all.

Most of us have a harder time parting with their things than that.  I dealt with things little by little...when his closet rod broke, I boxed up his clothes and I knew what he'd want done with them (I donated them to Sponsors since my husband always had a heart for down and out-ers).  I also knew he'd want my son to have his tools, but his work tools were stolen at his job (they gave them to a "friend" that never saw fit to pass them on to us).  Some of his things I still have around here.  

I had to sell his car for financial reasons and it was really hard to clean it out.  A coworker offered to sell it for me (he lived in the city & had been a used car salesman) and brought a good price for it so I decided to give him George's camp trailer that he'd lived in during the work week.  Cleaning that out was the hardest thing in the world!  You could hear my wails up and down the street!  Looking back, I pushed myself way too hard.  I think a person should wait until they are more comfortable doing something like that, and I should have had someone helping me.  

Try not to put a time constraint on yourself.  You will know when it's the right time to do what.