Recently widowed and in a financial mess

[Massgal]

My wonderful husband lost his 2 1/2 year cancer battle a few weeks ago. Besides the crushing grief and loneliness, I am left with a financial nightmare. My husband was the breadwinner and we had a nice life. I also work, but he made the bulk of money. Because of his illness and inability to work, we had to go through all our savings, 401k, etc, just to survive the last couple years. I worked full time and was also his caregiver. Now, I am left with nothing. I cannot afford my house. It is underwater, and I know a sale will be a short sale. Or, I may just have to walk away all together. My car is also on it's last legs. I feel like I can't even take time to grieve because I have so much worry and anxiety over financial matters. All I really want to do is stay in bed, but I have to get up and go to work, and then deal with the mess. We had such a wonderful life together, and now I am just so sad and worried all the time. I relied on my husband for everything. He was my rock, and now I don't have him to lean on.

[Krantz]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Are you in contact with his family? Can they give you any support? My fiancé passed away three weeks ago and I can't afford the house we lived in and on top of that it's hard to live there because of all the memories and he's no longer there. It's not the same.. 

[Massgal]

I get emotional support from my family and his, however, there really isn't any significant money on either side to help in that respect.

[Lynn C.]

I'm sorry you are going through this pain. My boyfriend/ daughter's father passed away on May 26th at age 29. I'm also trying to grieve and deal with financial matters. We both worked hard to support ourselves and our daughter. Now it is just me. I often times feel overwhelmed with finances...I have an ok salary but I'm trying to figure out how I am going to pay a mortgage, daycare, etc. all alone. Family members have offered to help out, however it's hard for me to ask for help. I've always taken pride in being independent...and I know ppl have their own financial obligations and don't want to be burden to anyone.

[EternalFlames]

So sorry for your loss. I just lost my partner to cancer too, also young.

Cancer is expensive, not just the medical care but paying for day-to-day expenses, coping with the stress, doing things to make your partner feel better, etc. You want to be focused on being there with them in the present and then suddenly you're gone and there's this gaping financial hole left behind. And then you're stuck alone to pick up the pieces yourself, while grieving.

If this JUST happened, my advice would be to get a friend to help you look through all the legal stuff, all the insurance policies, any government assistance benefits you may be eligible for, any death benefits he may have had through work or through his 401k. You may end up finding more than you expected. For example, these days many credit cards, personal lines of credit, loans and even mortgages come fully insured against death or death of a spouse. You may not even know you have this insurance. It may have just been checking a box when you signed up for something. This can be overwhelming to sift through while grieving, so get a friend or family member to help you check it all out. Insurance may be able to help you cover some of these costs! Capitalize on ALL of it! You just suffered a tragic loss and you deserve every penny of that help. That's what it's there for!

If your income alone isn't enough to pay for a house meant for a couple, sadly the reality may be that you just need to sell and downsize. If you're worried about selling at a loss, you can at least cut your losses by selling through one of the many low commission online platforms instead of paying 5% to some real estate agent. In the mean time, you can get supplemental income by renting out that extra space in your house through AirB&B. That should help cover monthly mortgage payments and utilties in the mean time.

If you've got huge debts to pay off other than your mortgage, maybe consider talking to a credit counselling company. They can often negotiate with the banks to get down your debt to a lower balance and a lower rate. They will have sympathy for a grieving widow and try to cut you a good deal!

Good luck!

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your loss.  The financial mess will work itself out, but I highly recommend seeing a financial adviser or bankruptcy attorney before doing anything.  When my husband passed away, so did half our income and the hospital/doctor/ambulance bills were pouring in, far greater than my salary.  I remortgaged my house to pay them off because the interest would be far less than the hospital's (who was calling and putting pressure on me). 

When my friend's husband passed away, I learned from her that she refused the bills and they had to write them off.  I was astounded!  Apparently I hadn't been legally responsible for them, but once I remortgaged my home and paid them off, I was stuck.  The laws vary from state to state.  I hadn't seen an adviser because I didn't have money to pay for one.  I would have been money ahead to have done so anyway, even if I'd had to put it on a visa.  The recession hit and my home became up side down.  I lost my job, and then everything started going wrong with my home (roof, patio roof, 40' ramp, needs painted & new flooring, back of garage needs replaced).  None of this stuff is cheap!  I had to prioritize and learn to not worry about what I couldn't change.  I'm committed to getting it paid off even if it takes until I'm 80!

 

 

[Jeff In Denver]

I hope this is not an inappropriate response, but would you consider a GoFundMe request?  Would you want some help with that?  After all, you're in a situation that was forced upon you.  You didn't ask for this.  You have a genuine need because of a terrible, terrible tragedy.

I will help if you want me to.