3 losses within a few months

[mollymay]

I don't know where to begin as i seem to have been grieving forever. My mother in law passed away last September over a very short period of time. She had many anxiety issues over her life which was a great strain on the family particularly my husband and our marriage. I felt guilty when she passed away as i couldnt find a way to understand hat she went through with her problems. A short time later my mum who was 90 fell and broke her hip this lead to her going to a short stay nursing home. It was touch and go whether she would survive the operation but she did. I had to have my pet cat put to sleep the same week due to severe illness. My mum suffered a stroke in February. she was never the same. She was deemed very poorly in April and was receiving end of life pallaitive care treatment which i was iggnorant of. Basically the hospital said her liver had packed in  there was no treatment for this. So basically she was morphined up to the hilt and was deprived of water. she was only expected to live a couple of days. She lasted 2 weeks which was soul destroying to see her deteriorate before our eyes. I dont know how to deal with all this grief it is all too much......Where do i start?

[rlolheiser]

mollymay.. my heart goes out to you.  I do understand the multiple loss problem, more than I wish.  I especially understand the feelings you are going through concerning your mum.  I lost my mother last July.  Her health had declined over several years, after a car accident that took my 10 year old granddaughter.  About February last year she had to have a surgery which was really hard on her, we almost lost her then.  I got her back home.. and we continued to work on her health.. until the dr. told me it was time for hospice. which is palliative care.  I didn't understand what it consisted of.  By this time it was June and I essentially feel I contributed to her death.  There are times I still do.  There is nothing worse than watching your parent slowly die..  and not be able to help. 

I still go in out of deep guilt and grief.  I remind myself that there was nothing I could do.  In many ways I am glad she got to pass quicker than I want and yet there are so many days I want her back.  My heart hurts so very much..  but all I can do is tell myself and her.. I tried.. I tried to give her a peaceful life, pain free, filled with family around her.  I know I did good..  because there is something we just don't have control over, our time here on earth. 

I am sure that you will continue to have grief, it is just what happens..  but don't let it overcome you.  A step at a time, and take care of you.  I am sure that your loved ones knew you cared, caring people show it whether or not they know.  Your mum knew...  just like mine..   we would have done anything to keep them from pain. 

Again, be kind to you... forgive yourself.. there really is nothing to forgive...  you love... you love hard...  may you find some peace and know you don't walk alone.. 

[tomg24]

I am so sorry to hear of your losses. I lost my Dad very suddenly on 18th February this year while he was having breakfast with my Mum. Then exactly 13 weeks later my Nan (his mum) passed away - the day before Dad's birthday. She had pancreatic cancer but we only discovered this 4 weeks prior after Dad's funeral.

I understand how you're feeling. I don't really know what to do anymore. Some days are slightly better than others but I just find I'm getting up, working and going to bed hoping to dream of them both and just speak to them for a bit but unfortunately when I am able to sleep, I can't remember what I've dreamt.

I don't really know how you get over the loss of a parent. I think multiple losses in a short space of time heightens your grief. Take your time with things and don't be hard on yourself if you're having a bad day.