It's been 2 1/2 mon the, still feel the same

[StillLoveMelanie]

It's been 2 1/2 months and I still feel very lost and alone.  Alone being the hardest for me.  Melanie and i texted throughout the day and i would see her most nights.  The weekends are the hardest.  We had always done something on the weekends.  Now I don't have anyone to do things with.  I try to do the things we did together, but I cant without thinking about her and then I can't seem to do them on my own.  I went to a spot where we hiked last summer, but once I pulled into the parking lot, I broke down crying and had to leave.  Even a trip to the grocery store is hard.  I keep thinking about how she should be with me and she isnt.  Everything i do, i always think about her and how she isnt with me.  I actually don't feel like doing much anymore.  I go to work, come home and miss her.  I keep thinking about all the things we had planned for the summer.  When does this feeling go away?  I know I will always miss her, but I cant keep doing this all day long.  It's eating at me.  I told my counselor that I'm afraid I will feel like this for the rest of my life and that end can't come soon enough.  I won't take my own life, but self preservation doesn't seem to exist with me.  I just the end to get here.  I try to be with my kids and be there for them, but they are older teens and they seem to want to do their own thI go.  They should.  They are at the age that they should be pulling away and become more independent.  Like I said, I just feel very alone and don't want to feel like this forever.  When does this feeling start to fade?  Sometimes I think it's starting to thenow it seems like I'm back to square one.

[Forever His x]

Hi , 

I can't answer any of your questions because they are my questions too . 

I lost my fiance just over a month ago and to say it's broken me is an understatement. He is the centre of my life , I can't do anything in the house or out as everything I do I done with him . Id do anything to have him back . He was also taken too young ! We had our whole lifes to live together now my world has been ruined .  We also have a 14 month old together and that too breaks my heart . I feel so Ill.  I understand everything you had said I like you do not want to take my own life I feel I'm just waiting to die ! I don't see the point in anything anymore , i carry on for our sons sakes but for just me I dont see the point . I thought id reply as its nice to talk to others who understand what the others is saying . 

Here if you want to talk . 

[Alina0815]

I lost my boyfriend a bit over 3 months ago. My feelings of hopelessness have still not left me, I feel like the day he died - so did I. I'm not the same anymore, I just don't feel right. I also feel like people expect me to be okay by now..but it still hurts just as bad as it ever did. I too pray for this feeling to leave. And like you said, yes we'l always miss them but when will this miserable feeling leave?? It's unbearable. It's hard going from living with someone and being with them literally every single day to having nothing. You have to focus on your goals and your children and the people in your life who are still there. I know it's easier said than done but it is what has to be done. I'm only 20 but I feel much older with all I've been through and also the fact that I have a 4 year old son. I feel so guilty at the same time because I don't feel like I've been the same mother. Before my boyfriend passed, I was so amazing with him. But now I feel so drained and empty. Maybe I should see and talk to a professional. Has that helped you???

[Forever His x]

38 minutes ago, Alina0815 said:

I lost my boyfriend a bit over 3 months ago. My feelings of hopelessness have still not left me, I feel like the day he died - so did I. I'm not the same anymore, I just don't feel right. I also feel like people expect me to be okay by now..but it still hurts just as bad as it ever did. I too pray for this feeling to leave. And like you said, yes we'l always miss them but when will this miserable feeling leave?? It's unbearable. It's hard going from living with someone and being with them literally every single day to having nothing. You have to focus on your goals and your children and the people in your life who are still there. I know it's easier said than done but it is what has to be done. I'm only 20 but I feel much older with all I've been through and also the fact that I have a 4 year old son. I feel so guilty at the same time because I don't feel like I've been the same mother. Before my boyfriend passed, I was so amazing with him. But now I feel so drained and empty. Maybe I should see and talk to a professional. Has that helped you???

Hi , 

I know the reply wasn't to me , but when I read that you said you were 20 for the first time I have seen someone post around my age in 24 he was 26 . I'm sorry for your loss . 

I also feel the day it happened was the day I also went , he was too beautiful too young and too perfect . I used to say he was made for me , I can't handle this life without him when my whole world envolved around him , I'm lost and broken i wasnt meant to be doing any of this alone , he was the perfect fiance and the pefect dad , it hurts me that at 24 my life has stopped , I don't know how to carry on with out him , I can't even explain in words how much I love him I couldn't of asked for anyone better , too think we were all meant to be a family for a long long while and grow old together , and now the rest of my life will be me and our baby . It wasn't meant to be like this . Was wrong place at the wrong time . 

How long had you two been together ? 

[Alina0815]

3 hours ago, Forever His x said:

Hi , 

I know the reply wasn't to me , but when I read that you said you were 20 for the first time I have seen someone post around my age in 24 he was 26 . I'm sorry for your loss . 

I also feel the day it happened was the day I also went , he was too beautiful too young and too perfect . I used to say he was made for me , I can't handle this life without him when my whole world envolved around him , I'm lost and broken i wasnt meant to be doing any of this alone , he was the perfect fiance and the pefect dad , it hurts me that at 24 my life has stopped , I don't know how to carry on with out him , I can't even explain in words how much I love him I couldn't of asked for anyone better , too think we were all meant to be a family for a long long while and grow old together , and now the rest of my life will be me and our baby . It wasn't meant to be like this . Was wrong place at the wrong time . 

How long had you two been together ? 

Wow I'm sorry to hear that. I truly am. I feel for you. But yeah I'm 20 and he was 28. We honestly were only together for about one year but we were living together and he had treated my son as if he were his own from the start. Although we were only together one year, the relationship I had with him was stronger, deeper, and more intense than the 5 year relationship I had with my sons biological father. 

It's so wrong that he passed away, he had such a pure and beautiful soul. He is the reason that I began loving myself and treating myself right. Before him I was a mess. But when he came along, my life had so much light in it. Every single morning he would wake up and get ready and find a special ways make me smile before noon. He loved me so much and I loved him so so so much. To say I miss his beautiful face and deep soothing voice is an understatement. I constantly close my eyes and wish he would wake me up from this terrible dream..

 

how long were you two together for?

[claribassist13]

StillLoveMelanie, 

As much as I hate to say it, 2.5 months is really nothing in the grand scheme of things. I think that you are placing too many expectations on yourself.
You feel that you should be better by now. You feel like you should be able to go out and do things. You feel like you should be able to just forge ahead without feeling completely and utterly lost. And honestly, that is just too much to expect of yourself right now. 

I am six months into the death of my fiance, and at 20 years old I am already dealing with the kind of issues that no one my age should have to deal with. I cannot imagine what is is like to not only lose your love, but to lose your kids in a sense as well. So much is changing in your life in such a short amount of time, and it is completely overwhelming. 

I'm going to encourage you to lower your expectation a little bit. Push yourself to do normal, everyday things, but understand that these things will hurt. Allow yourself to feel that pain, to let tears roll down your cheeks, to let yourself do an "ugly" cry. Some days you will have to turn around, and others you'll be able to walk in before you have to go back. This is okay. It's all okay. By allowing yourself to feel as they emotions come you won't be tempted to bottle them up. The last thing you want to do is bottle this kind of pain and grief up, because the explosion can kill you. 

If you haven't started seeing a grief counselor, I would suggest seeing one. Having at least one person to talk to can make all the difference. 
Some days you are going to feel okay, numb enough to go throughout the day. Some days you will not be able to get out of bed. All you can do is take each day in stride and try again tomorrow. 

[Forever His x]

20 hours ago, Alina0815 said:

Wow I'm sorry to hear that. I truly am. I feel for you. But yeah I'm 20 and he was 28. We honestly were only together for about one year but we were living together and he had treated my son as if he were his own from the start. Although we were only together one year, the relationship I had with him was stronger, deeper, and more intense than the 5 year relationship I had with my sons biological father. 

It's so wrong that he passed away, he had such a pure and beautiful soul. He is the reason that I began loving myself and treating myself right. Before him I was a mess. But when he came along, my life had so much light in it. Every single morning he would wake up and get ready and find a special ways make me smile before noon. He loved me so much and I loved him so so so much. To say I miss his beautiful face and deep soothing voice is an understatement. I constantly close my eyes and wish he would wake me up from this terrible dream..

 

how long were you two together for?

its so strange that everything everyone says on here you automatically understand what they are saying , as we have experienced the same lost . others who havent just dont quiet understand and you just get the sympathy look . 

i feel the exact same way . he was the perfect fiance and the perfect dad he is my soulmate , he is the centre of my world of me , he shouldnt of been cruley taken . 
Too young and too beautiful , i dont believe theres alot in life that is perfect but what we had was . i dont get how im meant to carry on living my life when im not going to be able to do it with him . everything we planned everything we had . our son is a spitting image of him and it breaks my heart . his too young to understand whats going on . ~
im so upset angry confused hurt i just cant get it all in my head .
we were together for 6 years  . 

[Alina0815]

7 hours ago, Forever His x said:

its so strange that everything everyone says on here you automatically understand what they are saying , as we have experienced the same lost . others who havent just dont quiet understand and you just get the sympathy look . 

i feel the exact same way . he was the perfect fiance and the perfect dad he is my soulmate , he is the centre of my world of me , he shouldnt of been cruley taken . 
Too young and too beautiful , i dont believe theres alot in life that is perfect but what we had was . i dont get how im meant to carry on living my life when im not going to be able to do it with him . everything we planned everything we had . our son is a spitting image of him and it breaks my heart . his too young to understand whats going on . ~
im so upset angry confused hurt i just cant get it all in my head .
we were together for 6 years  . 

Yes I know what you mean. I feel like I can't even talk to my friends or family about it anymore. It's been about 3 1/2 months and I feel like they think I should be okay by now but I'm no where near it. It's only more real. And now I'm just left here with a huge mess that I don't know how to clean up. Everything was so perfect..my life was going so great and we had so many plans for this summer and this year. He kept saying "2016 is going to be my year babe. I know it." He was so confident...I'm still so broken and now my life is in complete shambles. I'm trying to find faith in God that I've lacked my whole life but it's still so hard. I just don't know what to do. It's good having someone to talk to though .