Members FIRSTKNIGHT Posted May 9, 2016 Members Report Share Posted May 9, 2016 I am dating the woman of my dreams. I waited a long time to track her down as we knew each other years before and had mutual adoration, but at the time did not pursue it at the time. We have found each other decades later. And I learn that after years of no contact. She had married, had several children with her husband at the time. Well, he then cheated on her several times with a horrible woman. He initially was the one to leave the Marriage to go to the new "girlfriend". But after it happened more than once, she made the decision to divorce him. Which is what she should have done. Well only months later after she refused to take him back. So he committed suicide at that point after the divorce. That was 13 years ago. She has not remarried in the meantime. I don't know how to help her other than listening. I don't understand how she can still have feelings for him after how horrible it was that he did to her. I want to know how to help her. I want to understand what & how when that happens to a woman - how to help her. I want to know the psychology behind why that pain is still so severe for her. And why she still speaks highly of him after what he did to her. I am not jealous. I love her and want to understand how to help her and put all this in perspective and understand what it has done, and is still doing to her. Why would she still speak positively of him after the horrible things he did to her? I want to keep her forever, I want to help her scars heal and help free her from the sad hold and guilt she carries from what happened. I know it wasn't her fault. He made a choice to commit suicide. And it was not her fault. What can I read or what can someone explain to me what she is feeling, so that I might understand because I love her so deeply? Why does she seem to speak so highly of him after what he did to her in cheating, and how it devastated her 3 sons and 1 daughter's lives? Can someone help me understand and possibly suggest some literature I could read to learn about what she is going through and why? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKonnie Posted May 10, 2016 Members Report Share Posted May 10, 2016 Firstknight, While I am no expert, it sounds as though your love has suffered trauma from the past relationship and is burdened with the guilt and shame from the past. She probably could benefit from some counseling where she can learn to let go of the pain, increase her sense of self worth and move forward. People in abusive relationship suffer tremendous scars to their inner self. I googled healing from abusive relationships and found a few books you might read to understand, and she may want to read. http://guidetoselfhelpbooks.com/abusive-relationships.htm Good luck and it sounds as though she has a gem of a new love. ModKonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KensLove Posted May 14, 2016 Members Report Share Posted May 14, 2016 I agree that the feelings your love is having are probably more related to guilt and fear than they are to love. I wish you luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.