Boyfriend committed suicide

[Anavette]

Hello to everyone I am currently going through a nightmare that I wish I could wake up from and make things different. On 4/17 my boyfriend of 4 years whom we have a 22 month old baby boy overdosed on prescription pills and I feel so guilty because if I could said something different or went out looking for him he would still be alive. Let me mention he had attempted in the past in front of my daughter who is 15 years old and myself I immediately called the police. Our relationship was an on and off relationship for which I tried to end many times but ended up getting back with him. My boyfriend became very ill from stomache pain for which doctors could never find out the cause and he he was always in and out of the hospital for which I was with him through it all helping him with what I could. At some point he started feeling better and went out of state to work but during that time he confessed he gambled all the money and didn't help me at all for which I became resentful and angry with him and told myself I would never take him back but again he came back sick and stayed with me again but Our relationship was never the same but still I kept helping him. He couldn't keep a stable job for the past 2 years due to him being sick so he depended on me but he failed me many times and I eventually starting getting tired and now I regret it. On Friday we had a bad argument and he insisted I drop him off somewhere else rather than being at my house and I refused. We argued and I told him I wasn't going to work things out with him that he was only there for the baby and that I was willing to keep helping him but I didn't love him for which I regret it so very much and it hurts so much. He grabbed his bag and left walking angry. I wish I could've asked him not to please leave and told him I loved him because he for sure would've stayed but I didn't do that because I was also angry and thought he was behaving childish. I said so many bad things to him I now regret it and wish I could turn back time and make everything better. I thought he was going to stay sitting somewhere until he was over it and come back. Later that night I went outside the house to check if he was sitting down or in the back yard and he was nowhere. I should've know he had left to the park in my neighborhood and should've went looking for him there and I didn't. The cop came the next morning while I was getting ready to leave to work said he was found at the park overdosed on pills and were taking him to the hospital. I really thought he was okay and thought he was only manipulating me so I can do as he said and I didn't go to the hospital but informed his parents. Thought maybe he was going to contact me like he always did to pick him up from the hospital. I was angry at him that he had done this before and I didn't go see him at the hospital. The next day on Sunday afternoon his parents informed my mom that he had passed away. I felt like the world had collapsed on me and couldn't breath. I feel so guilty I feel as if I pushed him to do this to himself and us. How could I had been so blind that he was crying out for help and instead I was angry at him and ignored it. I will always have that in me that I could've and should've done something for him and I wasn't a good emotional support for him and now he is gone and there is no way to make things right for him or to be able to say I'm sorry and that I do love him. I always feared that if anything happened to him during surgery I didn't want us to be angry at each and he actually left from this world while we were angry at each other. I miss him so much and wish I could ask him so many questions for the many questions I have unanswered. His family blamed me for his death and I understand they kept me away from his viewing and funeral and I feel so hurt that after everything I was there for him going to hospitals and helping him while he was in pain it was like I was nothing to him. Please give me some advice. I do plan on getting counseling because I have 2 children who need me and have to care for. Thank you.

[Priscilla Busby]

My "little" brother overdosed on prescription medication 12-12-14. He was 28. If you want to talk, call me at 281-520-5619. My name is Priscilla.

[Priscilla Busby]

I'm having a hard time at this particular time, so it would help me, too, to talk to someone. Call me.

[agreene24]

I lost my fiance to suicide 3 years ago... I have never stopped feeling like it was my fault. my 4 year old daughter is growing up with out her father and there is nothing i can do ... I just made my own post as well but I would be willing to talk to someone with the similar circumstances. We as well were seperated. 

[Anavette]

Im sorry to hear that. Mine is recent a week ago feel like im never going to get any better. Just pushing myself to move on when I really dont want to but i have my 2 kids who need me.