I am a new member

[pop528]

Hello

  I would first like to express my sympathy for anyone who has ever lost a child and am sending out a prayer for anyone who has felt the pain we are now going through.

On July5,2009 Our daughter April,  unborn granddaughter Cara, and the child's father Ty (a fine young man) were killed in a brutal motorcycle accident.  A small pickup truck crossed the centerline hitting them head on.  They didn't have a chance.

April left behind a 12 yr. old daughter Shanda and a 3 yr. old son Rylee.  April's children were her life and she saw her mother , grandmother and I through a number of health issues as we have grown older.  April went through a number of problems during the 29 yrs. we had her but she never,never neglected her children or those she  loved.

April and I had a very special father/daughter relationship.  We helped each other through many hard times and shared so many memories of things we did together as she grew up.

April"s funeral was delayed due to the nature of her death.  We finally were allowed to  lay her to rest yesterday   Friday July10.  I have felt her with me all through the past week which was her way.  I know she has been talking to me.  "Dad I have to go.  I've come to you because I know you will see to it that my children are taken care of.  I love they so." 

I don't know how to express the pride I feel concerning Brandon (Shanda's father) and Josh (Rylee's dad).  My boys stepped up instandly to take charge of their children.  Every question I have asked has been answered with, "Don't worry we have taken care of that." or "Don't worry we have thought of that."  They are working together and working hard for their children while showing us the kind of concern and tenderness we always got from April.  April is telling me to go back to being pop at least for now.

I know we have a lot of work ahead.  I know we will make mistakes.  I have never know such pain and I know there will always be a big hole in  our lives without our April but I know with a little hope and a lot of faith this family will survive.

April was named for an old ballet from the 60's titled "Pieces of April".  The first few words keep going through my mind.  "I've got pieces of April, I keep them in memory beuquet.  I've got pieces of April but it's a morning in May, morning in May." 

Thanks for just being here,

pop528      

 

[shorty16]

Pop528

Glad you found this site.  Here we support each other on this road of grief.  Some have been on this journey for longer than others.

My son, Brian was 16 when he was killed while car-surfing.  He would have been 18 today and I have no children from him.

I know your family will make it through this.  I am also so happy for you that the other men in your life have stepped up.  Fathers are so important to development of any child.

Take care

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[ericasmom]

Dear POP,

Pieces of April- oh my goodness, to be named for so lovely a song. I am so sorry that you have found the need to search for a grief website, but I am glad you found us. From here on out, you may want to post in the Loss of Child, then go to Loss of Adult Child, and there you will find many parents who have sad stories too, but who help each other through the hardest days and nights. You are so very new to this journey that I am quite surprised with the speed that you reached out and I am glad that you did. I did not find this place until I was about 5 months into my loss, and that was 5.5 years ago. Erica died from her injuries after train hit her car in Kalamazoo Michigan in July of 2003. She was 19. There was no gate on the side of the access road she was on, but a light that said; no left turn when light is flashing. The light was not flashing, she turned left and an Amtrak hit her car. She lived for 6 days, never awake but hanging out so that all her Chicago Buddies( where we live) could get to her in Michigan where she was living with my Son, Jon. She died on July 14th. Hard to believe still some days. Life will definitely be an upward climb for a while so please take good care of yourselves. Drink lots of water to hydrate a system that is in shock, and even if you are not hungry, please eat protein at every meal, and make sure that you are getting outside each day for a bit of sunlight and exercise. I know this all sounds shallow in the face of things, but these are just some tips because the road is tough and we tend to let our needs go. Remember, April would not  want you to ignore your health. Those kids are going to need some help. Right now they are in shock, shock lasts for awhile, but I would contact the schools they attend and alert the social workers there that these kids will be starting the school year with very huge and new grief. May you all know of your Girl's love and peace. God bless.

dee

[mikesmum]

So glad in one respect that you have found your way here, so sorry that you have lost so much in one moment of time.

I stumbled onto this site just over 2yrs ago.  I lost my eldest son Mike in Jan 07.  I found being here  allowed me to grieve and find my way on this journey.  The healing and strength that comes from those here is amazing. 

I usually post on Loss of an Adult Child.  I found that many post here no matter how old their child.  We are drawn together, mums and dads alike under one common link - we lost our child...

As Dee says, take care of yourself.  The early days are spent in disbelief and shock.  Its a time when the mind and body struggle so be mindful that you need to kind to yourself as does your family.

Thoughts with you as you find your way.....Trudi

[lolynbo]

APRILS DADDY...

IM SOOOOO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSSES...HOW HORRIBLE TO HAVE LOST SO MUCH...BUT I AM GLAD U FOUND US SO EARLY...MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER KOURTNEY LYNN BRACKETT-CARGAL HAS BEEN GONE A YR,SHE DIED FROM A BRAIN TUMOR  JUNE 17TH 2008, IF U CLICK ON MY PROFILE I HAVE HER /OUR STORY/ NIGHTMARES ON THERE...

I WILL PRAY FOR ALL OF YOUR FAMILY...MAY GOD HELP YAL THROUGH THIS..

[pop528]

What a beautiful tragic story you tell lolynbo.  You make me wish I had know your wonderful KOURTNEY.  We now have a bond as tragic as it is.  We and those who are where we are are really the only people on earth who can understand what we are going through.

Our family is small and April was our only child.  Our Child was priceless to us and it has been such a joy to me and April's mother Cheryl even in our grief, to discover how many people were touched by our child.  I have no idea how many people came to us it must have numbered in the hundreds.  MY biggest fear was that  the nature of April's and Cara's death would turn their funeral into a side show.  Thankfully that never happened.

I know you can understand I must be very careful what I say at this early stage for legal reasons involving my grandchildren but there a couple of people I feel I must praise.

First on my list are Edie Brandon's stepmom and Amber his half sister.  They traveled halfway across the country to be with us.  Edie has been at my shoulder through  the legal discussions.  I know you know I am not operating at 100% at this time.  She has been both Cheryl's and my anchor to sanity as things progressed.  She has helped us and our two boys stay on the same page and given me a much needed sounding board in my weakened state.  I can well understand the bond she and April had and I know April sent her to help me ensure the care of her children.

What can I say about Amber.  A bundle  of strength and energy.  This young newly married woman's outer beauty is surpassed only by the beauty of her spirit.  She and her young husband are closing on their first home on the day she returns home.  She interrupted their lives to be here with us.  She has a wisdom far beyound her years and an almost uncanny ability to read people.  Thursday and Friday were the hardest days of my life. The viewing on Thursday stretched out well past what we had planned.  Each time I felt myself faulter she was there with a gentle touch or peck on the cheek and I could feel her energy flowing over to me.

  Friday the funeral streatched out as people shared their love for our child.  Cheryl, little Shanda, April's best friend Tiffany, and myself each took turns sharing our thoughts with  all of our friends and what April had ment to each of us.  Cheryl read a beautiful poem, our Shanda read a poem she had composed for her mother, Tiffany shared secrets she and April thought they had kept hidden for years.  I will never forget Cheryl coming back in that tone only a mother would use with, " I knew all about that."  I regret I couldn't finish what I wanted so very much to say but Cheryl took my notes and never faulted as she expressed my feelings perfectly.

We had two wonderful preachers who stepped up in turn.  Each said they felt they couldn't improve on what had already been said.  They read beautiful verses from the bible, April's and Cara's obituary and we prayed.  I am sorry I cannot give a better picture of the service.  I simply do not know how.  I was told afterwords by several people who said they had never attended a more beautiful or moving service.

We moved to the grave site.  Josh, Brandon, Rob April's cousin, two of April's friends and I bore April and Cara to the grave.  I was the first person to hold April after her birth and I swore I was going to be the last person to hold her now.  I held my place until everyone else stepped back, with my hands as close to April as I could get them.

I have to mention one other person and his staff.  Stoney Ponders owns Ponder's Funeral home in Dalton  Georgia.  Stoney and his staff treated our family like we were their family.

  Jason the young man in charge of helping us worked us through the whole process with kindness and total respect.  He knew the details of April's death and about her children.  The first thing he did was suggest we get a lawyer for the kids and assisted us in locating one with the background and skill to get everything possible for the children. 

Stoney called Josh today.  The Lawyer we chose had gone to Stoney and after they had talked Stoney decided to reduce the funeral bill by almost 50%.  I will talk to the boys tomorrow to see if we can credit Stoney with adding that money to the kids trust fund.

I would very much like to get to know you and your family as friends. Please  stay in touch and go to my profile for my Email.  There is a slide show about April's life on the Ponder's Funeral Home in Dalton Georgia web site if you would like to  look at it.  I don't know how long it will be there but that is all I have at this time.

With Love,

pop528   

 

 

[pop528]

Thanks so much Trudi.  I know that when I finally  go back to my everyday life all of this horror will   try to get me.

Thanks Again,

pop528 

[pop528]

ericiasmom,

Thanks so much for sharing your tragic story and the wonderful advice.  I gave my only copy of "Pieces of April" to April a few years ago and I'm sure it has been lost.

I would very much like to find a copy with the beautiful prelude for April's children.  Any ideas?

Prayers and love,

pop528

[mikesmomrs]

Pop528:  I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious daughter, April, and the future that was growing inside of her as she left this earth.  It is so very sad that her children are now without their mom, but you sound as though you are a loving, caring grandfather, and will provide them with the continuity of care and love that they so need at this time.  Your sweet April sounds like a wonderful person, one who will be missed greatly.  Your grief is so new and raw, your pain palpable, and I am so sorry you are having to go through this.  I lost my son, Mike, at the age of 31, on Oct 14, 2006, after he fought brain cancer for 17 months.  He left behind three young boys, who are now 13, 12 and 4 1/2.  It has been a long, sad journey, but I must tell you that time has softened the pain somewhat...the trips into the "pit" of pain are not so frequent now, and I know while there that soon I will climb out once again, with the help and love and support of my "family" here at BI.  The understanding and caring we receive from each other on this site has truly helped all of us to make it from one day to the next...when one of us is down, another is up, and the hand up is offered and gratefully received.  Some of us have been here longer than others, and the range in ages of the children who have left this earth go from one day on up.

Please come back and share when you can, read when you can't, and know that we are all in this together....this journey on the trip we never bought a ticket for, but we must travel in honor of our beautiful children...we must take one day at a time and live our lives as they would wish...in light of their love for us, how could we not? 

love and peace,   carol   mikesmomrs

[pop528]

Hello Colleen,

How did you do on your son's birthday?  I have so much compassion for you.  If I am angry about any thing it is the losses we have suffered are so senseless. 

The only answer I have found is that God has a better plan for our children.  We have not said goodbye only fairwell.  There will be a great reunion in a short while and I look forward to seeing April and finally meeting baby Cara.

All of our love and prayers

pop528 

[pop528]

Sweet Carol,

Thank you so much for sharing your story.  You have hit so close to home.

I would like to share something very special to me with you if I may.  You might find a small comfort in it.

We placed April and Cara in a small valley with high hills all around.  My wife's mother and sister are  resting nearby.  My dad is just over the closest hill and another of my wife's sisters is a few miles to the south.  We lost those four family members is a short time spand.

We finished the grave side service and the funeral director asked us to focus our attention on a pair of small boxes a short distance away to the east.

A young man opened the first box and four white doves took to the air and  began to circle.  The other box was opened and two white doves  began to climb into the sky.

The group of four circled around collecting the two doves into their group and then headed straight south over Dad's grave and heading on out.

Anyone else can think what they want.  I believe those four were the four family members who had gone on before and they had come back to escort the two April and Cara   home.

None of us knew anything about it and we have no idea who planned it.  Draw your own conclussion.

Peace, prayers, and all our love,

pop528

[mikesmomrs]

Wow!  That is just so incredibly awesome...I am so glad that you were able to see that and be comforted by it...your interpretation seems right on to me...I truly believe in signs from our children, and we here on BI have have shared many with each other.  I am so glad that you felt moved to share this one...it is just beautful.  I am so sorry that you have lost so many loved ones in such a short time, and I hope that it brings you comfort to know that they are all together.  

I have created a web site for Mike in his memory, and have a page written specifically about signs we have seen, and if you would like to visit, the link is http://www.james-michael.virtual-memorials.com    If you visit, go to the page that says "Reaching out, touching you, touching me."  Of course, feel free to look at whatever page you like, and even though it is very early in your grief, later on, when you can think clearly again, you might think about creating such a site for your beautiful daughter.  I found it to be a very comforting thing to do...something that I could actually DO, and not have to worry about what everyone else was going to think or say.  I could "talk" about him all I wanted, right there, reliving his life, recording the many memories that lived in my heart.  I spent many, many nights, into the wee hours, working on this tribute to our son, and though I need to do a lot of adding to it, the initial work has brought me great comfort.   If you visit, please leave a note, as it is always a comfort to us when we know that someone has visited our memories...

My heart goes out to you in your grief, and though I am so sorry you had a reason to be here, I am very glad that you have found BI.  I know that it will be a source of comfort and understanding to you as you walk this new road...it is a very bumpy one, and we will be here for you.

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

 

[mpsmom]

Pop528 ,  Welcome to our BI family, I am so sorry for your losses --I lost my 17 year old daughter to sudden heart death on September 20th, 2008.  She was our only child also, I too can attest that the pain gets 'softer' but not 'better' --  my life is changed forever, I hope one day to find the joy in life we once had, but I feel it is going to be a long long journey.

I think this is 'April's Song"   -- there is a button that says " buy this song, so after you play it , it seems to be able to be purchased on the internet... it is a beautiful song if this is the right one.

Please join us on the thread "Loss of and Adult Child" that seems to be the thread that we all post on , no matter how old our children were when the died.

Here is the link

Hugs, Marcia   Bethany's Mom Forever

[pop528]

Thank you so much Marcia,

Yes this is the right song but this version is so much more beautiful than what I had.  My wife Cheryl put together a beautiful slide show.  Ponder's Funeral Home uses and outside service to do a profession presentation with music and a beautiful case.  You can view it on the Ponder's Funeral Home at Dalton Georgia website.  YOu can meet April and her children and hopefully get some ideas you could use as you build your tribute to your child.

If there is ever anything I can do for you I will be very hurt if you do not ask.  I am learning to see every little kindness as a blessing and a treasure.

Prayers and love to you and yours.

Jimmy 

[mpsmom]

Jimmy, I just went to the funeral homes' website and watched April's video, What a beautiful young lady your daughter is and such a proud looking Mommy she was.  I know your heart is broken. Thank you so much for sharing her with us, may you find comfort in knowing that everyone here 'understands'

Hugs, Marcia   Bethany's Mom Forever

[pop528]

My friend Carol,

In the early stages of you grief did you feel Mike was compelling you to take certain actions and that those feelings were almost obsessions?  Does this continue?  If so I like it.  I feel April is checking in on my progress.

I am still on the run but I did look at what you have created for your Mike briefly.  I very much like what you are doing there.  Can I call on you when I start building a tribute for April?

I would very much like to hear your thoughts on the slide show my wife Cheryl put together for our girl's visitation the night before her funeral and you might find some useful ideas there.  Do a search for Ponder's Funeral Home in Dalton Georgia.  the site is very simply laid out and you should have no problems finding April Marie Norwood.

Please feel free to use anything I have shared with you concerning signs and their meanings on you page you have written.

I have another one for you.

There is a small lake at the back of our property.  April would go down there as she was growing up.  She had the little sunfish down there trained.  She would take stale bread and scatter it across the water for them and from time to time catch a few and release them almost like pets.

A big part of her childhood memories concerned times we spent on the water and fishing.  We went over those memories often.

I often go down there late in the day to think and find it relaxes me in times of stress. 

A couple of days after the accident I was drawn to the spot where April and later Shanda fished.  The three of us often watched the wild life that would come to the water.  Geese raise young, muskrats do what ever they do, and from time to time a beaver will pass through.

As far as I know beaver don't fish and sound an alarm when approached before heading for cover.  I have only seen them briefly on the lake before.

AS I watched a pair of beaver swam out from the far side of the lake and began to circle.  They moved all over the lake circling sometime close to each other sometimes not.  They came closer to me than I would have thought they would have.  Always making those lazy  circles.

I don't know a lot about beaver but I would like to think April had them dancing for me.  She and I shared a love and respect for all wildlife.  I don't know if  she learned it from me or if it just came naturally to her.  We never took anything we didn't use and always took our trash out with us.

Our prayers and love to you and yours,

Jimmy

[nicksdad]

Jimmy..I am sorry for your loss. I watched the video today and it is beautiful.

For others here is the link to make it easier:  April Marie

Dan

NicksDad

[welovedrew]

Pops (Jimmy)...I watched the beautiful video of April and I also have read your postings. You were truly an amazing father! I was so moved by the video and your postings. Your daughter is so beautiful! Isn't it so sad that we have to meet in a situation like this? I lost my most wonderful son, friend, confidant, side-kick, 8 months ago. The pain and sadness is with me every day. I just keep thinking about how we could have changed the situation....or, better yet, make this all go away. Anyway....I just wanted to let you know that we are all here for you. The people at BI have been a huge support to me. They came to me out of nowhere, in my time of needed support. They have offered wisdom and strength beyond any other person or organization that I have come across. Please visit this site often for your strength and sanity. Take care, (Drewsmom) Mary

[homeschoolmom]

I loved the video tribute...precious memories indeed!

Blessings,

Shelly, Rohan's Mama