Members blue.orchid Posted March 10, 2016 Members Report Share Posted March 10, 2016 My fiance passed away three months before our wedding day. He has been gone for eight months now. I feel like I died with him, and all that remains of me is an empty shell. From the moment that the EMT's told me that he was gone, all I have wanted to do is follow him. All of my hopes and dreams included him, and now there is nothing in my future. I have bipolar disorder, so I am very familiar with what it feels like to be depressed and suicidal. This is so very different. I do not want to die because I am depressed. I want to die because logically it feels like the best choice that I have left. All I ever wanted was a family, and when I met my soulmate I knew that it would be with him or with no one. Now that he is gone, my best case scenario is to meet him in the afterlife. If there is no afterlife, then at least my misery would end. I still feel this way, eight months later, but I will not kill myself. I will not hurt my family and friends any more by making them lose someone else. So, I feel like my life is a waiting game. My biggest fear is that I will be waiting for a very long time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dr. Pat Posted March 11, 2016 Members Report Share Posted March 11, 2016 Hello "blue.orchid" - I am so sorry - I know how incredibly difficult the journey of grief is, having been through it twice now with beloved husbands. At least I had long marriages to both of them, while you never even got that opportunity with your husband to be. I'd like very much to be a listener for you - to be able to tell your story, as well as your fears and hopes. I applaud you for recognizing the difference between grieving and depression - they are two very different forms of feeling lost and trapped in misery. You mentioned the afterlife - another reason why I would love to talk with you. I believe I can help, walk alongside you as you navigate this very challenging journey. I hope to hear back from you. Pat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blue.orchid Posted April 1, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted April 1, 2016 Thanks for your reply, Dr. Pat. I would love to hear your advice. I am so sorry for your losses. I cannot imagine going through this two times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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