Members GnLSpringer Posted December 17, 2015 Members Report Share Posted December 17, 2015 Hi. We are Gary and Lisa and on November 30th our 16 year old son left for school but never made it there. In attempting to locate him we looked at his computer where there was a perfectly folded note in front of the keyboard. He spoke of having a good life but that it "just wasn't for him." He claimed that he had made bad mistakes and decisions that he could not live with and that he felt he couldn't ever life up to his own expectations. Our entire community and multiple police agencies searched for him for 4 days. At 9:30am on December 3, he was found in the desert behind our home with a fatal self inflicted gun shot wound to the head. Our world collapsed. We have had an incredible amount of support from our family, friends and the community we live in. My husband is having a really hard time coping and there are just so many unanswered questions. So many "whys" and "what ifs" that we will likely never get answers to. We are both logical and intelligent people and do believe that things will get "easier" and we will learn to create a new normal to life in. But it just seems so hard to imagine that right now. We are trying to get from A to B without a map, transportation or supplies. Although the support of others has been great and necessary, it is also hard. People mean well and they try to cheer us up or make light of the situation but sometimes that is just infuriating. We have a grief counseling session set up for Friday, however, on top of all this, I broke my ankle today. I am not sure if they have the means of speaking to us over the phone or potentially making a house call. So that is how I ended up here. Trying to reach out to those who have walked in our shoes. Those who found the speck of light to follow in a dark tunnel. I thank you all in advance for any help/ideas/suggestions you may have to help us along right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted December 18, 2015 Members Report Share Posted December 18, 2015 Lisa and Gary....I am so sorry to hear you lost your boy.....We lost our beautiful..beloved boy, John David, in 2012...he was 42..... Please go to the site called 'Loss of Adult Child'.....you will find a very active group of parents that walk the same grief journey you are walking now.... It doesn't matter if your child died in the womb...lived 2 hours....2 days....10 years....16 years...42 years...50 years...they are still your child... None of us are professional counselors or therapists....we are simply a group of parents that come together to share and care....and hold hands while we learn to walk this earth home without our child. We have no magic words or pills....but we learn we simply don't have to walk the grief journey alone. There is a parent on that site that lost her son to suicide....am sure she can reach out to you and know what you are going through on so many levels. I do not have a circle of friends around me that has lost a child....and I do know how I need to have the parents that understand all that I am experiencing and feeling. Wishing you peace.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted December 19, 2015 Members Report Share Posted December 19, 2015 Gary and Lisa,My heart cries for what you are and will be going through. I have been on this grief journey for almost 8 years. Our 16 year old son died because he was on the hood of a car and the driver lost control and Brian flew off the hood and hit the ground. He died within minutes.After Brian died, I was filled with trying to find anyone who would tell me this did not happen, this was all a big joke and Brian would come walking through the door. We had a very difficult time finding a reason to be.Please be kind to yourself. The world you knew has blown up into a million pieces. Nothing is as it was. But, you can survive this, sometimes one breath at a time. We have been there, where you are and we are still here to talk about it.I was off work for over a month and worked 4-day weeks for over a year. I really thought I was going crazy. But I found out I was just grieving. We traveled to get away. If even for a weekend.Keep breathing and share with us.Colleen, Brian's mom forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Everly Posted December 19, 2015 Members Report Share Posted December 19, 2015 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rebeccagrows Posted December 23, 2015 Members Report Share Posted December 23, 2015 I am at a loss for words..... I just discovered this site trying to desperately find help coping with the loss of my daughter Megan. She was 18 and not speaking to me because I made her move and she didn't want to. The last time I saw her was August 27-28-29 and It was not a good time. In fact, it was the first time that I hugged her and she didn't wrap her arms around me and reciprocate. I cried when I left because I wanted her to come with me and she fought me and refused. Magan was type 1 diabetic. diagnosed at age 11, it was a fear and I worried sick about her. She was so angry with me that I didn't find out where she lived until I went to collect her things. Im a sad moma... I hope we can all find peace and somehow grow...So sorry for your loss Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted December 23, 2015 Members Report Share Posted December 23, 2015 Rebeccagrows....so sorry for the passing of your daughter....please go to the site 'Loss of Adult Child'....you will find many active parents on that site....please tell us your story....none of us are professional counselors or therapists...we are simply a group of parents that share and care in finding our way on this earth home without our child...Peace to you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lilibeth Posted December 23, 2015 Members Report Share Posted December 23, 2015 Gary,Lisa and Rebeccagrows. Your stories break my heart. I heard that it takes around age 25 for kids to mature. I'm left with several unanswered questions in regards to my adult son's death. While it wasn't suicide, his lifestyle which ultimately lead to his death, was unknown to anyone in the family. It's especially lonely knowing intervention might have helped; but without knowing what was going on, we as parents are helpless. You're right, people can be infuriating but I guess ultimately they mean well, while others, don't even mention our loss; not sure which is worse. It's been little over a year now that my son passed. Don't think time heals these sorts of wounds. But support I think helps ease the pain a little. I have no answers but know you are suffering the worst kind of torment and wish you some comfort along the way. I could use some help myself. elizabeth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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