Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

It keeps hurting more and more


Recommended Posts

  • Members

I guess at this point I must admit that I am depressed. It's been three months since my mother passed away, and for a little while there, I really thought that I am starting to accept this pain and find a way to carry on with my life without being so intensively occupied with my loss and its effects on me. And just then, all of the sudden, I found myself furious and angry at anyone and especially my husband, whom I felt was constantly encouraging me to rush my grieving process and return to be my old self. A functioning, capable, motivated and energetic wife and mother. I was angry as I asked myself whether his motives were of pure concern for my well being or a selfish incentive for his personal comfort. I can see that it's extremely burdening to be in the company of a miserably sad person. I can understand that it's tiering to assume your spouse's rolls and responsibilities when she's incapable to perform. I have become the "party pooper"!!!

I don't want to go out to parties, social events, or over to friends house. I want more time alone. Because when I'm alone, no one can criticize me, nag me to do things, or tell me to move on and stop crying.

I'm angry at everyone that puts me in a position where I have to validate my feelings or my behavior. I hate the fact that again and again, I'm being put in the position of having to justify my pain!

I'm in pain! I am! A terrible crippling pain that makes me want to hide from the world and just curl up in bed and cry.

I can't stop thinking that if I did have more support, in terms of just being allowed every now and then, to just shut down and cry and allow the pain of missing my mom take its toll on me, then maybe I would have made some progress.

My mother's death, or more accurately, my response to her death, is making my marriage fall apart.

I'm falling apart, but that I could handle. I could regain my strength if I didn't feel so alone.

Maybe I'm just making excuses for myself... Maybe I should have by now recovered to some degree and returned to living my life like I had before. Maybe I've been so consumed in my grief that I neglected to realize I am not moving forward one bit. Because if anything, 3 months later, I'm in more pain than ever before, more alone and more helpless than I ever imagined possible.

My in laws are in town visiting and living in my house. They knew my mom well. I can't help but thinking that they're siding with my husband, and encouraging me to move on. I was even blamed for the fact that my grief is destructive for my kids. Because sometimes I shed tears in front of them.

Believe me, that when it comes to my kids, nothing has changed in regards to my behavior. I cook, I clean, I wake them up and get them ready for school, I help them with homework, meet with their teachers, I even spoke with the school psychologist and made her aware of our loss and asked her to keep an eye on my kids (who are wonderful, and do not show any unhealthy signs of distress!), not academically and not emotionally.

I feel like I'm slipping down a dark tunnel with nothing to catch on to). It just keeps getting worse.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I am so sorry to read about your loss, and the heartache that you are enduring. Death is our greatest enemy, and with the pain we feel..comes despair, and sadness. As individuals we grieve in many different ways, and past influences can make it difficult for us to be able to communicate when we are in pain. This can cause problems in our relationships. If you were to communicate your fears, and feelings with your husband, in laws...they may be able to give you at times the reassurance that you need.

Another effective tool that helps us to recover from grief is to strengthen our spirituality. With a strong spiritual base we can at times

lose hope, but never fall into the pit of hopelessness. We can gain strength and hope by reading the promise that Jesus made at John 5:28,29 which reads 28 :Do not be amazed at this, for the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice...and come out! This gives you the hope that you may one day see your loved one again.

James 1:13 Reads "When under trial, let no one say: “I am being tried by God.” For with evil things God cannot be tried, nor does he himself try anyone." A God of love would never do something to make us suffer.

So why does man grow old, and die? Why is there so much suffering and death? Why did God allow your mom to die? Is there hope for dead loved ones? For the answer to that, and many other bible based answers to questions you may have I invite to you to click on the following link...


May you find comfort.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.