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Does everyone here believe in "God?"


azsummer2003

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azsummer2003

I think I used to.  I went through my born again Christain days, I've been Jewish, catholic, lutheran, tried to learn about Buddah, etc. I've tried them all really.  Especially when Taylor was taking a world religion class.  We basically took the class together because we discussed what they learned about in class everyday.

I taught Tay that his "gut feeling" is his soul.  What he feels in his gut is his inner self.  That feeling of happiness you get when something goes your way or the feeling you get when you are disappointed. Where you feel all that -- THAT'S your soul.

I never really believed in a "one" god. More that we are spiritual beings that that we are energy based and that we (our souls) live forever.  Where or how, I do not know.  I was obssesed with talking about it with Tay. I used to drive my kids nuts because I discussed it all the time.  They were like, "We KNOW mom...."

Taylor even told his friends about what he believed (as I did) and talked about it ON HIS WAY UP TO BLUE RIDGE where he drowned. 

But, now I'm not so sure I believe in any thing any more.  I just don't feel like there is a loving place for us or even that we are energy based.  And let me tell you, this is a very had thing to admit. Because if I DON'T believe in "something" then I KNOW I'll never see Taylor again.  That is a crushing realization. 

Maybe it's because my life has sucked so much since I was born. Some people have it easy, othe's don't. But I never let my past influence my future before.  When my kids were born I worked SO HARD to give them a secure, happy and fun loving life. They KNEW without a doubt that they were the most important people in my life. I was in love with my kids. Having my kids made anything bad happen to me okay.  As long as I had my kids I could handle anything, It was all worth it.

Now -- not so much.  I'm trying so hard to get as close to my daughter as I was my son.  We are, just in different ways. She and I are definitely closer than she and her dad are.  He pretty much throws money at her, and goes about his day.  Even he has said he never even knew she existed before (not quite so literally, but in the since that he neve really gave much thought as to what a "girl" likes or does) but he is trying to  get to know her more now, but it's more on a friendship level, not a parent level. At least that's how she explains it.

So, back to the topic, what does everyone believe?

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I do believe in God, but not as a man or a person, but as an energy force that surrounds all.

Free-will is our choice to believe or not.  Free-will can also interupt our closeness to this energy force we call GOD.

I say that, because God did not make Brian climb on the hood of that car.  God did not make Mike drive 68 mph until he hit a tree and killed my son.

But God did receive Brian.

I do believe

Colleen, Brians Mother Forever

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azsummer2003

[user=20150]shorty16[/user] wrote:

I do believe in God, but not as a man or a person, but as an energy force that surrounds all.

Free-will is our choice to believe or not.  Free-will can also interupt our closeness to this energy force we call GOD.

I say that, because God did not make Brian climb on the hood of that car.  God did not make Mike drive 68 mph until he hit a tree and killed my son.

But God did receive Brian.

I do believe

Colleen, Brians Mother Forever

I go for the enegy force thing too. But lately it's been wainning.

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no40corysmom

To be honest......I don't know how anybody survives such pain as we have without a secure, honest, loving relationship with YHVH and His Son Yeshua.  In fact, this past year, while my soul was screaming out in agony, the Holy Spirit revealed several things to me........first and foremost, was that Yeshua already lived my pain, felt it, breathed it........and it was nailed to the cross with Him.  Because He lives......I know my son lives......and that I will live too and be joined with him........

My YHVH and Yeshua are MUCH ......MUCH more than a driving energy force.  My Father has my son.......I can know that he loved beyond measure and waits for me.

Yes.....I have faith in the living God, creator of all, the author and finisher....the almighty on the throne.

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I WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE THERE WHEN MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER KOURTNEY DIED......

THE GLOW WAS NOTHING I HAD SEEN BEFORE..SHE WAS WITH OUT A DOUBT IN MY MIND AND THE MIND OF SEVERAL OTHERS...SHE WAS PRESENT BEFORE THE LORD....THERE IS NO WAY ANYONE THAT WAS IN THE ROOM COULD DENY (SP) IT....HE WAS THERE IT SHOWED ALL OVER HER, SHE GLOWED FOR 30 MIN TO AN HOUR..AND WENT SO PEACEFULLY...

SO YES...HE DOES EXIST..

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I had lost significant people in my life before, my paternal grandmother, my dad and a close family friend all whose death saw me challenge the thinking of the 'almighty'.

As I grew I began to believe that there is an energy from all things that perpetuates.  I found energy in crashing of the ocean, the majesty of the mountains and the vastness of the forests. 

Everything I held to be true was obliterated beyond recognition 18th January 2007, with the one exception.  I feel Mikes energy around me, in all those things. 

His pain is gone, his energy is palpable.  Believe me though, its a hard ask to believe there was any other purpose in his death than to release his energy from a broken body.....

May you find so peace - albeit small in comparison to the love of your child....Trudi

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heartbeataway

I believe there is somebody out there bigger than you and me.  And I believe in Love. I believe that I will see our boy again. I believe in Hope ......... 

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heartbeataway

I believe in Respect ....... in a world where we can all stand in a field and lift our arms to our Universe, our God, our Higher Power, our Messiah, our Yeshua HaMeschiah, our Savior, or whatever the name we honor and trust.  And we can walk away embracing and respecting mutual belief systems, Hope and Love.

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no40corysmom

I just want to clarify my response when I said Yeshua was the only way.

Those are not my words, buy His words.  We all are free to choose to believe Him or not....we can certainly respect each others' beliefs.  But the bottom line is, do we believe what He said, or do we choose to believe something else.

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4everjoeysmom

I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen:

not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.

—C.S. Lewis, 1898-1963

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azsummer2003

No40Corysmom -

I respect how you feel. I spent many years as a born again, but I never really felt sincere about it. I'm glad you feel that way, it's got to make it easier for you. :)

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azsummer2003

[user=22932]lolynbo[/user] wrote:

I WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE THERE WHEN MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER KOURTNEY DIED......

THE GLOW WAS NOTHING I HAD SEEN BEFORE..SHE WAS WITH OUT A DOUBT IN MY MIND AND THE MIND OF SEVERAL OTHERS...SHE WAS PRESENT BEFORE THE LORD....THERE IS NO WAY ANYONE THAT WAS IN THE ROOM COULD DENY (SP) IT....HE WAS THERE IT SHOWED ALL OVER HER, SHE GLOWED FOR 30 MIN TO AN HOUR..AND WENT SO PEACEFULLY...

SO YES...HE DOES EXIST..

my older sister had a similar experience when our mom died 30 years ago. She said that when she was holding my moms hand when she died that she felt a real since of peace that she has never felt before. However, she's not big on God either. I'm not sure why she still feels that way after that, but she says she still doesn't believe in a god, but that perhaps maybe there's "something" that connects us all.

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azsummer2003

[user=17130]mikesmum[/user] wrote:

I had lost significant people in my life before, my paternal grandmother, my dad and a close family friend all whose death saw me challenge the thinking of the 'almighty'.

As I grew I began to believe that there is an energy from all things that perpetuates.  I found energy in crashing of the ocean, the majesty of the mountains and the vastness of the forests. 

Everything I held to be true was obliterated beyond recognition 18th January 2007, with the one exception.  I feel Mikes energy around me, in all those things. 

His pain is gone, his energy is palpable.  Believe me though, its a hard ask to believe there was any other purpose in his death than to release his energy from a broken body.....

May you find so peace - albeit small in comparison to the love of your child....Trudi

I get what you're saying. I've lost so many important people in my life too. Crazy thing is it never bothered me like it does now. (My mom, my best friend when I was 20, all my grandparents, all my aunts & uncles, of course numerous animals, my son, my best friend 6 months after Tay.) Yeesh, I guess that's a lot huh?

 When I had that dream at the same momment of Taylor's death I KNEW something was wrong. I do feel an enegy connection to others, just not a clea cut God. You know, one person who is the ONLY god. *sigh* I'm not very good at putting my thoughts in writing.

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azsummer2003

[user=19401]heartbeataway[/user] wrote:

I believe there is somebody out there bigger than you and me.  And I believe in Love. I believe that I will see our boy again. I believe in Hope ......... 

Those are great thoughts.  I believed in love, but I sure won't ever love again. THere is no way I'm putting myself out there again like that.

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azsummer2003

[user=17130]mikesmum[/user] wrote:

Love & hope - its what remains.

So very true...

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azsummer2003

[user=27196]nicksdad[/user] wrote:

Without believing I would have difficulty thinking I would see our son again.

NicksDad

Dan

BINGO! But if we are all energy, then I would see him again right? I sometimes think  I can feel Taylor's energy through little children. I know, weird right?

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4everjoeysmom

I think about things like the intricacy of DNA, how no two eyes are alike, fingerprints, the make-up of our cells and how everything is in just the right place for just the right purpose. That kind of stuff, even though scientists make many claims, just can't be here by random energy that connects everyone. Only some very intelligent One who knows ALL far beyond what science can even comprehend must be at work to make the earth at just the right gravity and weight and so forth to keep it and the other planets, stars, etc hanging brightly in the sky... People continue to say they don't believe because they can't see God. They need proof. I'm thinking that the Book of Romans is right on. He shall be known by and through His creation, therefore we are without excuse... I think basing faith on emotions, what we feel like or what we physically can see, or by what we physically have or lose is not really faith at all. It's easy to believe in what you see. But what you see isn't always what it seems. And we take for granted when things are humming along smoothly. It's when tragedy strikes that we begin to question God, whether He exists, why He's so unjust, etc. We never curse Him or think of Him when all is well. We may never even say thanks. We don't need Him until we realize we can't do it all without Him... and then we wonder if He hears us. Thing is, He's always been there...always, before time began. Who started up the clock to measure time anyway?? I'm sure weight existed before the scale was invented. Just some random thoughts..............

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4everjoeysmom

Julie--HUGS!! :)

There is this false theory that Christians live a life with rose-colored glasses, so to speak, that we think God will make everything easier, and will protect us from tragedy and such. It's sad when folks truly want to be "born again" but just can't quite get there. I wonder what stops that process? Is it precepts on who or what we think or believe God is. Is it the things other so-called believers say, but then they do not what they speak and thus appear to be hypocrites of the biggest kind? Is it seeing people who call themselves Christians fight with one another worse than known enemies? I've seen all of that and more, and it makes me so sad that people who claim they know and love Christ behave this way, thinking that they are representing Him well. This is just foolish pride and lack of humility and grace. I believe that there is a huge difference in knowing about God and actually having a relationship with Him. It's the relationship that is alive, not the knowing. I know the rock that sits at the bottom of my stairs--every detail, curve, color, weight, smoothness, etc. But I don't have a relationship with it.

I knew God existed when I was a little girl. There were nights when my dad would come home so drunk and beat my mom. I would lie in my bed, frozen with fear. My little brother wet his bed often, likely from being too afraid to get up to go to the bathroom. Jesus used to visit me in that dark place. He would tell me that I was His child, and that He would save me. All that time I prayed for my dad to disappear. Because he never did, and the drunken violence continued throughout my growing up years, I was disillusioned in God. How could he let my mom be abused like that? She is the sweetest woman I have ever known.

I went through years of rebellion, and also years of checking out different churches and styles of worship to see what the hype was all about. It wasn't until I met my now-husband that I really got it. He challenged me to think less of myself and more about what God looks like despite my precepts...the way God describes Himself. After 3 months of marriage, I was certain I made a mistake. I struggled with my independence and liking things MY WAY, without all of the chaos and distraction that marriage, step children and pre-existing problems the other camp brought into my life. I left for a business trip and extended my stay away, at the beach. During that time, after His many years of silence and waiting for me to be in just that right place and time, that is when God moved my spirit. I had a moment of near calamity, and I chose leaving instead of staying in that moment. I got in my car and drove with no direction. I ended up turning into a strip mall several towns away, with no idea why. I like to shop--always have, but wasn't in the mood. I parked in front of a Christian Bookstore and went in. It was dark in the back of the store, and only a couple of people were in there. It was being remodeled, but they were still open for locals and church needs, etc. I continued to walk toward the back of the store, where shelves were sparse and the lighting was off. There, sitting all alone on the top shelf was a book. The title: HELP ME! I'M MARRIED!! I bought the book and went back to my hotel room, a 90 or so minute drive. I settled onto the bed and began to read. 10 pages in I was so convicted, overwhelmingly convicted. I dropped to the floor, on my knees, and asked Jesus to once and for all SAVE ME! I asked that he help me change my heart, my mind, my way of thinking, my precepts--everything, and to help me be a wife, because I didn't know how to be that. I felt a peace I cannot even begin to explain.

A few days later, after having driven there listening to rage music and planning for my exodus of the marriage, I was going home freshly in-love, seeing my life and my husband differently than anything I had remotely visioned before. I would be a liar to say it was easy going through that transition, or that my marriage is perfect today. It isn't. But my commitment is in tact, and my relationship with the Lord has grown tremendously, as I have been open to receiving anything He has to offer, including rebuke and conviction for my wrong thoughts or action--not just the mercy and grace and peace that are abundantly given to me, but also allowing him to prune me and reshape me, which downright hurts at times.

Three years after that I was led to follow my husband onto the mission field. We sold it all and departed for the journey of a lifetime, which has been far from easy, but plentifully blessed. Three months after departing, my one-week-from-being-24-year-old-son, Joey tragically died in the most horrible accident I can imagine. God was with me. I had to make a choice to turn to Him or to blame Him and turn away. From then to now I have undergone personal and spiritual attack, hurt and betrayal from Christian family and friends, and a slew of events that are enough to make anyone want to throw in the towel. I am no saint, and I am no holier for being here and having endured all of this with perseverance to remain steadfast in my faith. The truth is that I could not stand firmly in my faith without God moving in my spirit and carrying me in the times when i cannot walk. Do I get signs? Yeah. I get signs. But I believe every one of those signs is a sign from either God--telling me He loves me and is with me, available for me. Or it is a sign from His adversary, who definitely exists as much as He, to try and discourage and confuse me, and become angry with God, or to try and drive me once more toward that self-centered nature that humanity is so prone to.

I have learned that life and death is not about me. The things I go through in life, my experiences, they are set before me and I can choose to walk through them, curl up in a ball and deny myself an opportunity to see what's on the other side--or what have you. My life was given me for one reason, and that was by my Creator, to allow me to experience and grow in a world of humanity, in order to offer something greater for a Kingdom purpose--For Him. It was never about me, but always about Him. Everything He made was for His pleasure and for His glory. It may sound selfish, but by whose definition? Not His. He's perfect. His plan perfectly continues to unfold. We experience the pain of loss here, but in Christ, there is no spiritual death--only a death from this body. My son's spirit was carried into his eternal place, beside the One who made him, who nurtured him, through me, and who called him back home at the exact time that was always intended. The way Joey departed was brutal. I think sometimes, how could that have been so? But since Joey died, not a soul has forgotten how. Not a one who heard about it has escaped the reality of mortality. Many saw Jesus move in the situation, and many have gained new wisdom, perspective and insight into God. That must have been the plan. I believe it is still unfolding. Does it hurt? Hell yes, it hurts!! But God knows it hurts me so much, and He moves in me in such a way as to show me that there is life so way beyond my self-centered vision of this one. My life here is not the end. It is the means to ending here, only to begin somewhere else, for all eternity, where time does not exist, and with a God who is so amazing and glorious that if I was ever to truly catch a glimpse of him in this lifetime, I would surely go blind and die. Though that death be but for a moment...

Proseletyzing? No way! Sharing my life's journey of spirit and mind? Absolutely. How could I possibly deny the signs?? I imagine one day, as I leave this life and enter Glory, I wills stand in account for what i gave here in faith. It will not be about what I chose, but who I knew. Did I know Jesus? Did I care to know Him, who is the One true God come to us in flesh? More so, does He know me? He knows who I am. He made me. But did I relate with Him, let him in, and allow Him to live in me? He never forced Hi way in, nor would He. He sends signs to remind us that there is someone out there who loves us more than we can imagine, who desires reconciliation and relationship with us. I hear about signs all the time. I just smile, and I know without a doubt who sent them....

Will I see my boys again? You betcha!! Is it my primary focus? As a mother, undoubtedly yes. But as a child also of God, I look forward to seeing the One who made me, made my son, made it possible for me to experience love, laughter, joy, and even the pain and sorrow that reminds me that I am very much alive. Thank you Lord for loving me and breathing life into me. Thank you Lord for saving me. Thank you for saving my son, and for bringing him into Your place so that nothing or no one can ever separate the two of you or he and I ever, ever again. I look forward to seeing you both when you call me home too. xoxoxo

4EverJoey'sMom on Earth! 4ever God's Girl Forever!!

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Dear Claudia

Thank you so very much for your beautiful honest share.  I truly respect the vision of your journey and the depth of your faith. 

Your Wisdom,Courage and Love of God and Man have warmed my heart.

You are an inspiration and are a true instrument of your God here on earth.:)

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4everjoeysmom

I become so saddened when I hear of folks who are afraid or apprehensive to love again. Life isn't truly living without love. Love brings pain sometimes. This is true. But not by the love itself, but for our expectations or perceptions of what love should be. God says he is love. So how then can we truly expect to understand or know Love if we refuse to explore how the DNA of love came to us in the first place? I suspect that all the way back to the origins of man, there was a seed of love planted in the heart. It was not born from evolution of environmental causes. There is nothing about "things" that make love exist. Love is a very special gift. Love is part of who we are, because we are made in the Image of Love. Unfortuantely we are unable to love perfectly or without expecting something in return for our love, because that is the selfishness and depravity of human kind. There can be only one True Love, just as much as I believe there can only be one True God. But regardless of what or who we believe in, if we refuse to love, we risk drying up like a prune or a shell without the mussel inside. It may look exquisite on the outside. But inside it is lifeless and cold. Where there is no love, there is no heart. I pray for softness of heart and for fear to be lifted. I pray for a knowing that love, though not perfect in us and not quite what we hope for or expect all the time from others, is what truly breathes life into us. It is that love that lives on when the body wears out or is taken instantly. Love is that "energy" we feel from being connected to our children. We were created in such a way that LOVE is the lasting ingredient that keeps the chain linked. To throw that love away is a death knell to our souls..... More random thoughts.

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Oh please do not shut yourself off...Love again...I know it hurts and its a pain that an not be discribed, but not to love would be not giving what you've been given...

My time with my Caleb was in no way long enough, but the love in my heart for him is still there and the love he gave me is still there...And it still comes to me in various ways.... when I have a flat tire and one of Caleb's friends sees me on the side of the road and changes it...not only because he loves me but because he still loves Caleb... when my daughter goes away to college and one of Caleb's friends who lives in alaska and doesn't even know she's left but calls of text me just to let me know he's thinking about me...He's sharing Caleb's love with me..

so don't give up loving...don't close your heart...your loved ones love is still there and it will wrap its arms around you if yor open to feeling it.

 

Carmen

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It's a proven scientific fact that energy is never destroyed it just changes form. So it is with our children. Science has also proven that for all the cosmic soup to come together to become man without some type of Godly influence has odds greater than all the power ball lotteries in the world. One of the greatest minds to ever live. Albert Einstein did believe in a creator. You ask if there is a God......? Remember how you felt the first time you looked at your child. Tell me, love like that comes from some chance mixture of elements? I say no way! My son is with our creator and I will see him again. I know it!!

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For briansdad~ AMEN!!!!! All we have to do is "believe..."

An attatched photo that appeared in the driveway a few years back after Danny's passing.. I am sure it has been posted here before, I know I have this one on his website too...

Miracle upon miracle signs that there is a God, and that we will see our angels again, because they are not that far away...

The "pain" makes it feel like they are... The proof is that they are not~

Their lives included their leaving here too soon~ Too soon for US, not for THEM... 

Just IMAGINE the paradise!!!

Much love~

mamabets and danny, her little wink from here, there and everywhere

post-12239-128153894221_thumb.jpg

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I have a story to tell you all about what happened last weekend.

5 years ago our house burned down, and in the house was all of Caleb's leather working tools. He didn't ever replace them before he died as the house still wasn't finished anyway.

The Wednesday before labor day, my husband and I where hooking up the boat, about 150 ft from where the house was. This was our families 1st trip back to the lake since losing Caleb, and the last trip was labor day weekend before he died, anyway, I was looking down, a little depressed, not even sure I wanted to go, when I saw a piece of metal on the ground in the dirt. I dug it out and it was one of Caleb's leather stamps, not only that but it was the letter C.

I showed my husband then I put it in my pocket and all weekend long anytime I was down, I'd reach in and hold that leather stamp.

Now, I know some will say it was just a freak thing, but I believe it was a message from Caleb, approving of us continuing on, that he was glad we were going back to a place he dearly loved.

I believe....

Carmen

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Carmen - you might want to come to the Loss of an Adult child.  The messages we find from our kids are no coincidence.

From finding pennies, seeing cars, number plates with names, butterflies or music that just keeps playing.....we have many 'hi it okay's' from the high flying group.

Given the timing and the circumstances, I would think its Caleb letting you know its okay.......;)

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Some times I don't even know which group I belong in. With Caleb being 19 almost 20, he was so much boy still yet so much a man. Caught in that limbo, I miss him as I'm sure you all do your own children.  My girls tell me that they know I love them, but they always knew that Caleb and I had a special bond. I don't know if it was because he was my 1st or my only son, but the bond was still there.  My husband is a lil jealous cause its me that gets the messages.

We got married at 18 and had Caleb at 20. Wes was busy trying to work and build a life for us and I was with Caleb alone so much of the time, its no wonder we bonded, then my husband and I also treated Caleb differently. If I had a problem with what my kids do, I go straight to them, if my husband does, he tells me to tell them they're doing such and such wrong. so he isn't the bad guy.

 

Carmen

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[user=19769]calebsmomma[/user] wrote:

I don't know if it was because he was my 1st or my only son, but the bond was still there.  My husband is a lil jealous cause its me that gets the messages.

Carmen

Carmen,

I can relate to that. I know my wife and son had a special bond with everything. I know there were things he would talk to her about and I would only know becuase she would tell me. He did nothing we both did not know about but some things were obviously between "Mom & Son"...

As far as you husband getting jealous again understand....My wife has gotten messages a few times and I have had absolutely NONE. But, if my wife and daughter are the only ones ever to see the signs from now until the end and I see absolutely none I can live with that. Knowing that they see signs makes me know that Nick knows they need that comfort and if he devotes his time to them I love him even more for that.

NicksDad

Dan

 

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Brian's Dad, You are so right on! I've been lucky enough to connect (through inner hearing)with a spirit guide for kids and learned so much I never knew about the next phase of consciousness. Check out our not for kid's only book Mrs. Tipperwillow's Afterlife Adventures if you wish ... www.tipperwillow.com  Mrs. T. gets into what you are talking about, even to how the change feels from awake in one reality to awake in the next ... truly just a blink of the eye between the two.  The dimensions are so close and nothing  of importance is ever lost for the one who passes. I met a woman at The Children of the New Earth Conference last June who had just lost her sweet five-year-old boy two months before. She came up to me with tears in her eyes and a smile on her face an said, "Willem just came to me. I saw him raise his arms out like this (she demonstrated) and he said, 'Look Mommy! I can expand!'" Just wanted to share that. Many blessings!

 

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So ... after looking at and feeling these heartfelt comments I went ahead and asked the big questions of you know who as I was just awakening. This is what I heard: (First to the obvious question beneath this Do you believe question):  Souls choose to go in and out of form to change the very fabric of existence; to explore consciousness and elevate the species.  I AM the overseer of the soul. (And to my obvious thought connection of "overseer" with "whip") I WATCH OVER WITH LOVE.

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 I believe in him. I just dont like him so much anymore. Still having a hard time trying to understand how someone can give me such a special gift but then to take it back without so much of a word.  Once we are reunited it wont matter but until then... People wonder why so many woman are men bashers ;) ( im not a male basher by any means ).

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Lynn - Three days after Stephanie died, I was telling God to "Bring her back right now!"  I ranted at Him/Her for several minutes......feeling much the same way you do right now, when this little whisper in my mind, that wasn't in my voice, said,

"She was never yours."

 

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how long does the grief process last when you lose a child? i know you think about your loss everyday, but how long before your back to work, going out with family and friends...ect?  is their anyone out there that has been 5 years and still hoarded in their house? :(

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I feel that it is only through God that I am able to carry this burden of my loss. God gave me a wonderful son and chose to take him at a very special time of the year. Two weeks before Christmas. I am not angry with him but continually ask his support to find relief from my loss. Death ia an inevitable fact of life.  It comes to us all one day regardless of age.  This is a temporary separation. It seems unbearable now, but time is fleeting. I am not a religious person, but I am what I would like to think of as spiritual in some small way.  I find comfort in knowing that I will be with Jeff again one day. That is what keeps me going. 

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[user=42620]hope4u[/user] wrote:

how long does the grief process last when you lose a child? i know you think about your loss everyday, but how long before your back to work, going out with family and friends...ect?  is their anyone out there that has been 5 years and still hoarded in their house? :(

Ah, what a question . . . and difficult to answer, because each person's grief is unique. I didn't consider my need to withdraw from social engagements as "hoarding" but rather as what was necessary to survive my daughter's death. It hasn't been 5 years, but 2 and 1/2 and well, I work and I still grieve. When I need to withdraw now, I give myself permission to do so. I no longer fear "never being over it." After all I don't want to "get over" having my daughter with me for the short time I did have her on this earth. Though, I remember the fear of experiencing the unbearable pain her death brought me. I couldn't imagine surviving it and always feeling as bad as I did in those first years.

Grief is a friend now; one who reminds me of the depth of my love for my daughter. I cherish the tears and honor her with them.

Peace,

Caitsmom

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There is no specific time frame that we can adhere to in defining an appropriate duration of time before we can get back to our "other life". It will never be the same again. But we need to take one day at a time. One step at a time. There is no right way or wrong way. We are all different. There is really no definition of what's right or wrong . It is a process that our hearts and mind and indeed our soul needs to process. They say there are certain steps of separation that we go through. Denial, shock,anger, etc. I believe this to be true. I am at the beginning,but I can tell you with all honesty that you are not alone. As you have seen on this site. One day we are good. The next ...not great. Allow yourself to hurt...to feel the loss and pain. Then accept. You can't do anything about it. They are gone, butremember the beautiful memories that you shared with them. And also take comfort inknowing that you will be with them again. It is a temporary separation.  Allow yourself time. You will know when you are ready to move forward. That does not mean that you are letting go of their memory. It only means that you have found the strength to continue and feel comfortable in remembering them without this crushing sense of loss. Hang in there. You are not alone.

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Caitsmom:

Grief is a friend now; one who reminds me of the depth of my love for my daughter. I cherish the tears and honor her with them.

I like that, it really made me reflect,  since "Grief" is always with me, maybe I should think of it differently.

Dale

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I did before, a little bit I guess. But then I lost my Mikey. And the events since then... I dont think (personally...this is not intended to bash anyone's belief system) I believe in a "god" anymore. However, what I know is he is still here with me.

The day Mikey died, I was at work. It was almost 7am, just the start of my shift. I was sitting at the desk, putting assignments into the computer. All of a sudden, it was like I was hit in the chest with a bat or a truck or whatever. I couldnt breathe. I couldnt do anything. I felt dizzy, nauseated, and all I could do is push my chair back and grab the garbage can and throw up. I didnt know what that was about. I felt better after a few seconds, and brushed it off to not being used to working daylights and my body trying to adjust. A few hours later, I got the call my son was gone, and to come home from work. When I arrived at my exhusbands, the police told me they thought it was sometime between 6am and 10am that he passed away. I looked at the cop, without missing a beat, and told him it was ten minutes to seven. He looked at me oddly, and I explained it, and I said, I know you think I am crazy, but thats what I think.

A few days later, in the car, we were talking about a voice my son used to talk with, and we were trying to imitate it. We all failed miserably. I had a silk pink carnation above my mirror in the car, had been there since Valentines Day, when he gave it to me. As I was sitting in a parking lot, digging out my debit card, it fell, right into my lap. It was Mikey saying "YOU SUCK AT IMITATING ME...STOP IT".

We find the little things hidden... his spongebob earring, his toys, and when something is missing, we ask Mikey. It usually goes something like this... "Oh no, Mikey, I cant find my _____....what the hell did I do with it?!?!" and then it appears.

I gave up a long time ago believing in god because of not just this event, but others that have occurred since we lost him as well. It has been a year no family should ever have to endure. Not only was my son's life snatched away at the tender age of 7, but a few months later, my daughter was horribly beaten, raped, and molested by her biological father. People want to tell me that god only gives me what I can handle, but I am sorry, any entity that would allow for the suffering of people like this, is not this merciful loving god that people speak of. Telling me god needed another angel only further damaged my faith, because he was my angel. He has a millennia of angels at his disposal, there was no need to take mine. Telling me god has a plan...that didnt help either, because what in the world is so damn important that you could allow a child to be taken from his family, another one shattered and hurt so badly, and a family left in shambles...and that is just the selfish version of it. It must happen quite frequently, or we wouldnt all be here looking for support from each other, so what about all the people out there, suffering from the loss of their angels?

I believe in the power of St. Mikey. If there is a god, then fine, he is working in disguise as my son, because all the time I did have faith, and I prayed, and begged god to help, nothing happened. I was a church going, chorus singing, every Sunday wife. I wanted a good life for all of us. When I prayed to god to help us, my marriage fell apart. When I pray, bad things happen. When I ask St. Mikey, good things happen. And it is crazy stuff. I have a sinus infection, I said Ahh Mikey, I really wish I didnt feel like crap. Guess what, I get called off work, spent the night in bed sleeping, and the next morning.... I felt 100% better.

Is it god? Who knows. I dont, you dont, no one can no for sure. We arent on the other side. We dont know whats out there. Its the final mystery of life to be unraveled when we get to where we are going in the end. I believe his energy is here with us, watching us, guiding us, helping us.

In all honesty, my intention was not to offend anyone. If you are able to attend church, believe in god, and have faith, you are a better person than me, because I just cant bring myself to do it. Its only been 11 months, and maybe after many years, I will feel differently, but right now, its my way of grieving.

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Nursejenn,

I am so sorry for the loss of your 7 year old child and the butality your daughter had to endure (hope the jerk is in jail).

As for me.

I do believe in God.  I believe more now than I did before Brian was killed.

On June 19, 2008, my son, Brian decided to climb on the hood of a car.  His "Friend", Mike decided to drive 68 mph (in a 25mph) and took out 3 trees.  Brian hit the ground after the car hit the first tree and died within minutes.  Mike is now a convicted Felon.  The crash site is 1/4 mile from our home.

In my opinion,  God did not make Brian get on the hood of that car - Brian made Brian get on the hood of that car.  Free Will made Brian get on the hood of the car - God received my son.

After the death of Brian, my brain changed.  The physical pain was so intense I really wanted to end my own life.  But I could not do that to my husband and 2 other children.  After about 8 months, the fog lifted somewhat and my senses were hightened.  I could see the light of God so much clearer.  I could feel the hugs people were sending me.  I would read the bible and actually understand it.

I have worked extremely hard to see the light, instead of the darkness.  It does not always work, but the farther out I am in this nightmare, the less I am crippled by the grief.

I am sending you some love and understanding right now.  These horrible things that are happening to you are not the work of God, but the Free Will of people on this Earth.

No words I say can help your pain go away, I know that.  But there is light if you look for it.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

 

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Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible. 

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other. 

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA

CEO/President

Beyond Indigo Family

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