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I lost my love of life, which iam unable to digest


joyee123

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Hi iam from India, July 30th was joyful day for me, my 38yr old husband and my 10yr old son-When both of them bunked their school and office to spend a day out at movies and playing bowling at the mall. We were all excited, spent a pious day out and came back home by half past eight. It was a normal evening, my son ate his dinner first and I asked my husband if he would want his food, he said, I would tuck my son to sleep and then we both would sit and eat together ❤...i was busy setting bed for my son in the bedroom at 10.10pm, when I heard my son screaming 'Papa, Papa'...the last words he said were 'Love you too sonny'...

Its been 40 days now..and I still cant digest it..

We have been such an ideal and a loving couple within our family and friends that even now people talk about our love story...

Its difficult to choose to be happy as I lost my life with him...

I crave to see him and hear him at least once as we have never been away so long in the last 18 years...

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I know it feels like an eternity, but your loss is still so new and raw. There is nothing to prepare us from having our partner ripped from our lives, be it sudden or anticipated. I am approaching 11 months since losing my husband and still feel like my life is over without him. I don't have any children to have to tend to so that must make things even harder on you. I wish there were some words that could offer solace. But a loss like this is life altering. You are not alone with however you are feeling. I think we have all been there and keep finding ways the sadness grabs hold of us. I don't think we can choose to be happy. That contradicts what we are experiencing. Our partners would not want us to be sad, but they are not the one left behind. They say the depth of the grief reflects the depth of the love and memories. I will never be the same without my husband, the most I am hoping for is to accept this loneliness and maybe smile someday about the memories instead of cry. I also would give anything to talk to him again. Ironically, he is the one person who old console me during times of intense sadness.

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Thanks for your response Gwenivere5...

I completely agree with you and it prepares me for my future.

Like you said, even my husband was the one who used to console me and make me strong...

I miss that every minute

Mostly the mornings are very difficult...

I hate waking up in the morning

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The mornings are the worst for me too. I am very vulnerable in that waking stage and I know my mind is just waiting to pounce on me with all it's fears and intense emotions before I have a chance to gain what little perspective I can. I've come to dread it. I try not to give it too much power, but it is hard. There should be rules like....no hitting a person til they have a chance to prepare for the intensity. Sadly, there aren't. I'm guessing everyone in grief wakes to that emptiness every day. That is something that people around us don't understand. Many just think we are.....sad. It is so much more than that. Sooooo much more!

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