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Moving on without my furry friend (well... attempting to!)


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Hi everyone.


I recently joined this forum after the passing of my lifelong friend and housecat Sam. His death although a release from his suffering has left me at a level of grief that I never expected. I had his company for 15 years and I should be grateful... yet I feel full of guilt. Not just for how he passed but for those days/ weekends I was away and the holidays I took without him... the times I told him off for accidentally scratching... My brain is clearly out to get me!


I know deep down he was very happy with me, that he needed for nothing and lived a life that us humans would love! (eat,drink,sleep,pet, be entertained and repeat!)


So this devestating loss has overwhelmed me... so much so that I read lots n lots of information, seeking an understanding of my grief so that It would make sense of it somehow...


I was interested to read that the death of a pet (in particular relation to older people and singletons) can have a much larger impact to that individual than the loss of a close human.


The reason being is that unlike a human whom you may see from time to time, a pet is a constant companion. They ensure you are never alone even in the worst of times, they are always delighted to see you, to be near you. And although they cannot share their thoughts, somehow sharing yours with them creates a bond that outweighs many human relationships (no offence to my friends and family)


My cat had seen me throught deaths and divorce and those horrible times when you go home feeling low to an empty house, only to be overjoyed at the sign of a cats tail or the sound of paws walking downstairs. Lets be honest, having a pet is like having a best friend, one who will always care for you, see you through the bad times and not care about how you look or what you say!


It helps me to imagine the grief im experiencing is a powerful grief. It may not be understood by many around me (im certain there will be a few of you on here that will get what im saying!) but it is there because Sam the Cat was a significant part of my life. Please dont think I mean that the loss of a human is anything less than traumatic. But the impact pets have on our lives deserves recognition.


I read a lovely card on pinterest the other day that brought me to tears but again helped me see what I brought to Sammy's life and what he may have thought of me.


"Grieve not,

nor speak of me with tears,

but laugh and talk of me as if I were beside you.


I loved you so...

Twas heaven here with you"


When Sam passed I didnt request his body...but after a few hours I called the vets and asked for his ashes. I realised that I needed him home. Albeit in a different form.


I have a space near my patio doors that Sammy loved, im going to place his ashes near there so his spirit remains close.


I also heard of a company called ashes to glasses. They make jewellery that has a small amount of your loved ones ashes included inside the stone. Its a little costly, but im going to do that...its for me, to keep him close and I hope for him too.


I am left with my other cat (I am very lucky on this front, I dont feel the house is empty... just a large space of my heart)


Even now, with all the things I have read and all the things I planned to do with Sam's ashes... I still stop to pat the invisable cat sitting at the top of my stairs as I would do every morning, I dont think I'll ever stop doing that... I dont think im supposed to.


Pets have a gift, they set us free to trust them and in return they trust us. Each one of us have had that gift to treasure until our dying day x


Thanks for reading and thanks to grieving.com for giving me space to feel x





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Thank you for your post, it made my heart feel a bit lighter.

I had to put my 18 year cat to sleep on Monday and being a singleton I feel a tremendous loss. Coming home to an empty quiet house without her here just breaks my heart.

I too still talk to her as though she is still here... I still brush her is the spot that I had always brushed her - her brush will remain in that place till I'm ready to move it. I still wish her a good morning and a good night. I yell out to her "Dori, where are you hiding?? Come our come out" then I cry.

I cry often as I just miss her, my heart is truly broken and then like you I berate myself for leaving her at home while on holidays, how I would tell her off for being naughty and for her constantly jumping in to the bathtub demanding running water even though she had a water bowl in the bathtub filled with fresh water...

My friends laughed at how spoilled she was, but she was mine and I was her mum and I loved her dearly.

Now she is gone and it's just hard and I miss her terribly.

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Sorry for your loss, i can relate.

Its been 7 long hard months for me, i am housebound and spent everyday with my cat since i adopted him 10yrs ago.

He was more than special to me, my best friend in this whole world who gave me purpose, love, respect, company and much more.

After i had him put to sleep was the worst part, i do not want to relive that ever again my mouth was literally shaking and i could not speak.

My feelings then turned towards sadness, then deep depression and now panic attacks.

I am only beginning to accept because there is nothing i can do to change this.

It helps me to know there are other people out there in similar situation and i am not alone.


Take care of yourself, it does get better very gradually. One Day at a time.



My Cat 'Rossi'


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