grandparents

[jwodarz83]

I have never posted anything like this online, so please bear with me. My grandma passed away on June 2 2015 after a 9 month battle with lung cancer. We had always been very close, and the pain is devestating. I live about an hour away and didn't visit as much as I wanted to. Every time I would see her it seemed like she had deteriorated so badly. At the end, she barely resembled the woman I had grown up with. I received a call on Tuesday morning from my mom saying you better get home. By the time I arrived, she was unconscious and I would not see her awake again. She laid there gasping for air, and the rattle coming from her throat is not anything I will ever forget. After spending hours next to her, I left to clear my head. I was just gonna take a drive. 5 minutes later,I got a call saying she had opened up her eyes, and passed. I am upset that I wasn't there. I feel like I short changed myself for my selfish need to get some air. I am struggling to accept the fact that I will never see her again. So the family mourns and we turn our attention to my grandpa who has just lost his wife of 57 years. He admits that he has had severe stomach pain for months, but has not mentioned anything as he was caring for his wife. We go to the hospital and he is diagnosed with end stage pancreatic cancer. The doc gave him one month. Part of me is relieved that he will soon be back with grandma (if heaven/god even exist), but the other part is so angry that I'm about to lose both of them. I'm upset that my family has to deal with this. I am totally numb. I'm going through the motions. I am so sad, and so mad, that I don't even know what to do, what to feel, so I feel nothing. My family is devestated, and I want to be there for them, especially my mom, but I do t know what to even do. And then to top everything off, I am getting married in less than 2 weeks. A time that should be full of joy has turned into a tragedy. I want to be happy, but I feel guilty. I'm not looking for sympathy here on this forum. I just needed to say this to someone, anyone. I am the rock of my family. I need to stay strong for everyone. But I feel dead inside. Thank for for taking the time to read this.

[MayFGL]

jwodarz83, I am so sorry for your loss. And now, your grandfather. Losing a grandparent is very hard. You're going through the mixed emotions that I'm going through...depressed, lonely, empty, angry. I recently lost my mom from a massive stroke on 3/13. So I know what you're going through. You need to be there for your mom. She's about to lose both parents. You're soon getting married. I don't know is it right to say "Congratulations!" at the moment. 

If you like, post your feelings, your thoughts...just anything you want because we're here to listen and support you.

 

Take care

 

May