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missing my boy


hotrod

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Welcome Dawn, 

I am sio sorry to read about the loss of your precious son.  You have found the perfect place to visit and share your pain and the memories of your precious son.  I am glad you were able to up load a picture so that we can all know him and honor his memory.  He is a very handsome young man and the tragic circusmstances of his loss are indeed painful for you and your family to process.

Today is the 2nd Anniversary of my only  son's passing (he died in his sleep from alcohol poisioning).  The journey has been dificult and painful but with the help . compasssion and understanding I find on this board, I have come to a place of acceptance.  It is a long journey but today I spent the morning just reviewing old pictures and remembering the great and happy times.  I attribute that to my coming here daily-sometimes reading and sometimes posting.  Please keep coming back.  You will be uplifted and in the company of others who are travelling the same path you will find you are not alone and that gave me hope.

Try posting to the Loss of The Adult Child Board- you will be most welcome

Please accept my deepest sympathy

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Dawnray,

I am so sorry for your loss.  My 16 year old son, Brian was killed on 6-19-08 and he also had a 14 year old brother.  Aaron is now 15 and he too is going through some really tough times.

Our circumstances are a bit different, because the courts were involved and charges were filed against the driver of the car.  The driver is a senior this year (as Brian would have been) and Aaron sees this boy everyday.

I just give Aaron lots of love and really watch who he hangs around with.  Aaron has acted-out since and we are trying to deal with that.  I am praying for you and your family to find some peace in this.

We are hear for you and we understand your emotions.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

 

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no40corysmom

Hello Dawn.......I extend my welcomes too, to this group that nobody wants to belong to.  Your son is very handsome, he sounds like a wonderful young man.  I know how badly your heart is hurting, cause mine hurts the same way too....

I lost my Cory just one year ago, he was 15, just days shy of his 16th birthday. I just got through my first anniversary date of his leaving us.  My son took his own life on April 30.........the worst day of my life, that changed my life and those of all his family.....we deeply miss him.  Even though we believe that Cory would take it back, he can't, and now he's gone.......He leaves behind one brother and two sisters.  The one sister that found him has just turned 14.

You've come to a good place to share and learn from others who have walked this path.........

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I thank you all for your kind words. as i am sure all of you feel i just feel as if i can not move on like life just stopped that day and i just cant get myself to move forward. i mean i get up everyday and take care of my youngest son but i just relive that day in my head 100 times a day and i just can`t make it stop. i try my best to try and find some peace in knowing my boy is now an angel in  heaven and that he is happy and safe but i just cant come to grips with the fact he is not here with me now it is eating me alive. and coming here helps because we all share this same nightmare that we just cannot wake up from and i feel like no one else around me knows what i am going through no one comes around no one calls family, friends no one. I just cant not believe that life is like this now. I know none of us will ever get over this its just something we all just learn to live with pain is an everyday part of our lives now. Hopefully one day things will get a little easier i just feel like i am cheating Erich with crying all the time instead of celebrating the life he had here and i feel like it is up to me to have his life go on here even if he is not here in body i knwo he is here in spirit cause i still feel him in this house with me everyday and i know he wants me to be happy and i know he wants me to take care of his brother just like he did when he was here. i am trying my best to look at it like that i have ok days and then not so ok days when i feel my worst i try and come here and either read or post something it seems to help. well i really appreicate all of you and for a site like this so i just dont feel so lonely.

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Dawn,

I am sorry for the loss of your son. I think most others feel the same way with sometimes certain days may be better then the others but who knows what day will come tommorow.

I would not call it cheating Erich with you being upset...I think to an extent that is expected. Having a 17 year old daughter (16 at the time of our son passing) I know how it is for a sibling to lose someone that close. Nick was our daughters hero and everyone knew Nick so they knew Brittany. It has not been easy for her but I try my hardest to make things "normal" for lack of a better word. She has seen me upset and would try to hide it but don't even bother now and she is good with that. Sometimes I just hold her when I know she is upset.

Can't obviously hide it but I feel that the siblings deserve to be happy as much as possible, and that is what I try to do.

Dan

NicksDad

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nicksdad - i know you are right i just sometimes feel guilty about being upset alot and crying i am just torn between the pain and wanting to make sure his life goes on if you understand what i mean. its just one of the daily struggles i guess we are all plagued with now pain, guilt, loneliness,and just wanting so badly to have our children that left us back with us. Just some of the things i am trying to sort out it is just a daily struggle that becomes very draining and some days i just feel i dont have it in me. but i am plugging along one day at a time for i do know one thing that one day i will see my angel in heaven again.

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dannysmomma

Dawn...I'm so sorry for the loss of your handsome son:(.My 19 yr old son Danny passed away 3/28/2009 from the same cause...SOJD/DKA.I hate that we have to be in the place that we are at right now and I hate to have to be welcoming you here.I have 6 surviving children and 1 grandbaby so I know what you mean about keeping things together for them but it's hard.Sometimes the smiles are fake and you feel guilt.I'm glad you shared Erich's story here,it's so important to have a safe place to be able to share the feelings that only we as parent's who've lost a child  can understand.BI has been my outlet to say all the things I can't say to anyone else and everyone here has been so supportive.Hope you'll stay awhile{{{hugs}}}Lyn

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my son did not die from diabetes it was DKA caused from sepsis which is a serious blood infection. but none the same he is gone very quickly he went from being healthy to very sick in a matter of a few days

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Dawn, so heartwrenching, your Son's story. I am so sorry that you had to lose your Boy, an dso sorry for the trauma that follows. One day you will feel less frantic, but please know that when we are new to this, we cannot just be okay. even if we had 6 or 7 kids at home, we just can't put it all in perspective and be okay. Give yourself a break with that. I agree, the siblings are very affected, and they can also be helped at this site. go on loss of a sibling. I would say that therapy might help everyone in the family as you go forward and face that one year mark. you have come to the right spot, reaching out here is sure to give you support. Let yourself post long and often, never apologize for long posts, and never apologize for your sad heart. It is all part of this trip. I know your Boy is with you in ways we never expected, and in his honor you will learn to live your new best life.

Peace,

dee

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dannysmomma

Dawn..One thing I've learned in the past month and a half is that we all have to grieve in our own ways and we have to let "ourselves" grieve also because if you don't it will catch up with you eventually.I felt  that I had to be the rock that held us together but that quickly backfired.I would be afraid to cry because I didn't want to make the kids feel worse,now if I need to cry ,I cry it doesn't matter who's watching because I have to get it all out or ...explode.I will admit that some days I have to "fake it" with my 18 month old simply because she's so little and doesn't understand all that's happened and  I don't want to deny her a mother either because I'm having a dark day,that wouldn't be fair to her because she's just a baby BUT I don't do that with my older kids.I know you are worried about your son also but don't be afraid to reach out to others for help.Sometimes the school guidance counselors have grief groups for students, which my kids are part of ,or there may be a community group available,BI has a sibling board.There are a lot of resources out there, don't try doing everything yourself you'll end up mentally exhausted.Remember.. you need to allow yourself to grieve also{{{hugs}}I never knew much about SOJD before this,never had a Dr even bring it up ..ever.I've come across more and more stories like ours and it's frightening that so many children/young adults die from this so suddenly.Hope and pray they find a cure for this silent,sneaky terrible disease and Dr's need to start checking our kids.I know of 2 deaths because the Dr's said it couldn't be diabetes and unfortunately it was.Danny had no outright worrisome symptoms either other than he was fluish and how many times over the years have we nursed our kids thru stomach bugs.I was so shocked when the prelim came back,I never in a million years would have guessed Type 1 diabetes...Lyn

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