Still No Meaning

[Shattered14]

It has been almost 14 months since I lost the love of my life - my husband. I havent posted in a long time but feel the need to talk to someone who truly understands. I am so lost. I miss him so much. Life is so very meaningless. People tell me to just get through the day. Tell me how good that I made it through another day. My question is....for what? To do what? For what purpose? I feel so much sadness and hopelessness. Another day in a place I no longer want to be. To know that I will spend the rest of my life alone is crippling. I am so angry and disappointed when I wake up each day and find Im still here. There is no joy any more. The things I used to like to do, places I liked to go now hold no interest for me. I have no purpose here. The loss of my husband has destroyed me in every way. I dont want to be here any more. Even being around family and friends is miserable to me because it just shows yet again how empty my life is and always will be. My faith barely exists any more. I think Im just too angry to believe much any more and yet if I dont then it takes away any possibility that I will see my husband again some day. These questions repeat over and over in my mind every day all day. So if anyone out there can understand and maybe tell me how you found your way back to some type of life and regained any amount of sanity, I would really appreciate the advice. Thanks for listening.

[ad99]

It's been 8 months for me. The last month was a dark month... I thought I was okay, but I've realized I was not, and will not be. Waves of sorrow will keep hitting on me time to time, just like the last month. However, I passed through it and I am ready for the next wave.

 

I've began to read some articles about spiritual beliefs after his death. It's somewhat helped me to go through it. Everytime I am down and sad, I think about my beloved hubby. I think if I were him, I would not want him to be sad every day. So, I will try to keep my spirit up and to enjoy the moment... for him... because he is watching me. I do feel he visits me time to time... Well, it's up to you to believe these kind of stuff or not.

 

I also try to find the meaning of my life too... When he was still alive, we had many dreams together. You know what, I want to fulfill some of dreams we had together, which I am able to accomplish by myself... like to go travel to a certain place. I still go to our favorite cafe and to enjoy a cup of our favorite latte because I am doing it for the both us. I am an artist. He really loved my art, and he hoped and wanted me to be successful in my career, so I am working on it very hard.

 

Shattered14, I hope you are able to find any meaning and purpose here, even if just a small tiny one... I wish you the best and hugs to you.

[Lisaboo29]

I am also at 14th month. My partner died while I was 7 months pregnant totally unexpected. He had cancer but it went undiagnosed, at the point he died we where going for tests to see why he was feeling ill expecting it to be a tummy problem. My partner never met his baby boy who is now going to be 1 in a couple of weeks. My life feels so painfully hard without him. He was my best friend and I was totally head over heels for him. He was only 30 and was such a good and kind successful person with the biggest heart. It kills me that he never got to meet the baby. Or know whether he was a boy or girl. He had picked the names with me and decorated the nursery at our home. We where engaged to be married too.

The only thing that gets me up each day is our son he is so beautiful and is the image of his farther. I've had support from my mum since it happened but I miss my man like a part of me is no longer here. My grief still hits me so hard some days but that's normal. People don't understand unless they lose a partner. I'm trying so hard because I was my boy to have the best start in life. Though I still can't even think about the years ahead it scares me without him.

Lisa x