Missing my mom again

[georgie713]

Today is my birthday.  My mom died January 3, 2008 and today before I left work I started for the telephone to call her.  I have no idea what I was doing and have no idea why I suddenly had the urge to call. For a split second there was a moment when I forgot she was gone. It was quick and it was a feeling that i cannot describe. I miss my mom every moment of everyday but I have always been acutely aware that she is gone, my life has been redefined by her passing. Yet today for what was most likely less than a split second I forgot and there was a old feeling that I have not felt since she left me. I forgot what that feeling was until today, when even though life was not great or anything like that but all was well. Her leaving has left me hollow in so many ways.  I have tried hard to over come the grief, i speak to out loud when alone like she was still here.  I have left her apartment (which is attached to my house) pretty much like she left it.  One might think she was gone on a trip or something.  Some may say this is unhealthy but it is how I cope and my sisters love the fact that I have not changed much as this is where they stay when they come to visit. My husband thinks I am a bit touched but never intrudes on how I feel.  He tried that once suggesting that his son move into her apartment shortly after her death. After a lengthy battle that most certianly would have ended in divorce he gave and we built an apartment above the garage. Its a long and drawn out story that i won't get into here becasue this is not about them but about my mom. I blew out my candles tonight and I made a wish that anyone reading this can guess.  Although my mom and I rarely saw eye to eye I never regreted our relationship, that was just the way were, we loved deep and fought like crazy women. What I miss is the little things.  I miss calling her to tell her about the stupid things. I miss talking about our crazy ideas of what we would do if we won the lottery. I miss her telling me where to go and being proud of me when I hit a milestone in my life.  I miss her unwavering love and being on my side even whenI was wrong (she would tell me I was wrong of course but never left my side). I miss her calling me baby girl. I miss her little waddle (she was heavy set) and tiny steps always afraid she was going to fall even when there was no reason to be afraid. I miss her getting on fire about something and going off on a tangent. I miss her greasy food and her undying love of hamburgers and chips. I miss hearing her complain about my sisters and then not ten minutes later on the phone laughing with them. I miss her laugh, her smile, the way she muttered in her sleep. Even her grunting when she ate (that one started more arguements). I miss the way she would tell a story each time changing it a little more. There are a million other things I miss that i will never have again.

[butterfly13]

Happy Birthday!I do understand what you are feeling.It wii be a year in June since my mom died.I have finally put her house up for sale,although I haven't stepped foot in it since she died-I just can't,and alot of people think this is crazy.My brother is staying there until we sell it.The day I signed the papers with the real estate agent I came home and picked up the phone to call my mom to tell her what the real estate agent had to say.It was really strange because I haven't done that in months.I think I'm finally starting to realize that this is for real,she is really gone and never coming back.She was my other half,we talked on the phone even when we had nothing to say to each other.Like you said,I miss all the little things about her.I keep asking myself-how can someone with such personality and love just be gone from my life forever?My life hasn't been and never will be the same without my best friend.

[sadgirl74]

you hit the nail on the head - my mom and i used to talk about the lottery as well and every thing else and hit and argue - on on and make up right away - sicne she left me in june 6th 2007 my life has been nothing but a huge failure it seems to me - i have made so many mistakes i even rushed into a marriage i am not ready for as i felt so alone - neither the guy nor myself is ready for a marriage - we both discussed annualing it but neither of us are ready to do that right now - i am in so much pain and so in he over all of this and then theres my mom being gone all i do is cry lately

her passing day was june 6th very recent -- so i just cry so much -- i am up tonight crying also -- i better go to bed for now - i wish i knew what to say but i dont - i am sorry for your pain - i too am in severe - extreme pain

[sadgirl74]

i want to call mine and talk to her also - i dream of her voice often i wish so much so that i had recorded her on anything at all so that i could hear her voice again

 

 

 

[butterfly13]

sadgirl74

so sorry that you are going through such a sad time.My mom died a yr.ago June7,and I find that as time goes on,it gets worst,I miss her more and more every day.It seems that not one min.goes by without me thinking of her-my best friend is gone forever.I too have been so sad lately that it takes everything I have got to get out of bed in the morning and face another day.I also hear my moms voice in my head constantly,I'm so afraid that I will one day forget what her voice sounded like,what her laugh sounded like etc...I just wanted you to know you are not alone with your feelings!Hugs to you!

[sadgirl74]

ty Butterfly - i agree i too am afraid of forgetting what she sounded like - hugs

[sadgirl74]

things are working out better for me and my guy - i miss my mom but i am better today - i really got  alot done around the house lately i did laundry in the basement of the apt building i live in from 7 to 11 - a ton of laundry - and cleaned the apt  and did a ton of other things sorting thru stuff etc - some of it i will take to the thrift store

i think we on our journey of grief here go thru good days and bad ones too - some days we feel real good and powerful  in our lives - able to deal with anything -

and then some days we feel very hurt and alone and such pain and sadness and need a day to just feel the pain and cry if we need -  my mom passed away june 6th 2007 and so this month it has been 2 years now - sometimes the pain is just as fresh and sometimes i am ok with it for that day - i take it 1 day at a time - like the song by christy lane - thats how it is the song lyrics are so true at least in my  own life - so i will post them - they are very inspiring - they are about what we deal with today - yet that we need help to take it one day at a time

I'm only human.

I'm just a woman.

Lord help me believe in all I can be

And all that I am.

Show me the stairway that I have to climb

And Lord for my sake

Teach me to take one day at a time.

One day at a time sweet Jesus

That's all that I'm asking from You.

Lord give me the strength to do every day what I have to do.

Yesterday's gone sweet Jesus and tomorrow may never be mine.

Lord help me today show me the way one day at a time.

Now do You remember when You walked among men?

Well Jesus You know if You're looking below

It's worse now than then.

Pushing and shoving violence and crime

And so for my sake teach me to take one day at a time.

One day at a time sweet Jesus

That's all that I'm asking from You.

Lord give me the strength to do every day what I have to do.

Yesterday's gone sweet Jesus and tomorrow may never be mine.

Lord help me today and show me the way one day at a time.

Lord help me today show me the way

One day at a time.

 

i hope this has inspired some of you -