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billysmomforeternity

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billysmomforeternity

Well, it is 5:13 in the morning,and still cant seem to sleep.I have not been able to sleep a full night since my son died 2 years ago[ok,when is this going to end].I just joined this site in hope of talking to people who have been thru this before.

Its the weirdest thing...I am fine during the day,but at night I simply cant get him off my mind.I think it is the guilt over knowing,he died alone,and what was going thru his mind while he laid there dying.Was he in pain,or was the overdose quick?I will never ever know,and that is probably how it will be!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am just really hoping to meet some moms that have been down this horrible road.Thank you listening to me  babble on.......god bless    Jennifer{Billys mom}

post-30417-128153892906_thumb.jpg

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Jennifer - Unfortunately you are not alone in your early morning, lack of sleep journey.  I am so sorry for the loss of your handsome boy Billy.  I lost my eldest boy Micheal Jan 2007 & while there has been a softening the impact of losing him, Micheal is still very much part of my everyday existence.

I mainly post on Loss of an Adult Child.  Its where I find the most comfort and support. 

I found this site in April 07 in the wee small hours after searching for months for something that made sense of losing Mike and the feelings of being lost at this late stage in my own life.

Here is where I truly found I wasn't alone.  Where what I was feeling was part of the journey so many were on here.  I was also able to share my son and his life openly.

Mike has a memorial site - compliments of my inability to rest and my need to keep the memory of him and his life with me always.......

http://Micheal-Shane.virtual-memorials.com/main.php?action=reflections&mem_id=10554

I hope you are able to find a connection here that will in some way ease your heart and mind.......

Take Care - Trudi

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HI  Jennifer,

I just wanted to add my welcome and to say I am so sorry for the loss of your precious son.  You are not alone on this journey.  I too lost my son 2 years ago.  He passed away in his sleep from alcohol poisoning.   He too was alone and I know the endless nights that you speak of.  

I have found much peace coming to this board -mostly reading and sometimes posting.  It truly helps.  I know I will never be the same but each day I try to do my best to honor him .  At the suggestion of the people here, I too set up a memorial web site and visit often-in time you might find that helpful.

Please keep coming back.  The picture of your son is wonderful.  He looks so handsome I would love to know you better.

Praying for your peace.

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Hi Jennifer, I find the words hard to come by when I see a new face here and what a handsome boy he is. I   come here often, sometimes just reading, and i the early morning hours or the time right after midnight, know you are not alone. There are many people here that can help you along this road we travel. Come back and visit please.

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Hi, Kim (Billysmom)! you just found the best site. We are all dealing with the loss of our child. I wish I had known that you were up last night. I was awake most of the night, too. I have the same problems at night. The thoughts will not go away. If you would like to email me mmilliner@aol.com, we can talk. Take care of yourself! Sincerely, Mary (Drewsmom) 

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Well, that shows you that I haven't had any sleep! I called you Kim. Please let me post my post, again. Hi, Jennifer, please feel free to email me. Take care, Mary (Drewsmom)

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billysmomforeternity

Thank you so much Mary,and yes I would for sure like to email you sometime.Thanks for beinf so sweet........Jennifer

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billysmomforeternity

Thanks Trudi for the kind words.I just really feel the  need to speak to others about my sons death,as I really have no one to talk to about him.Your son was absolutely beautiful as well.Its funny because my sons name is Billy Michael Wilson and our family called him Michael too.

God bless you always and have a great day 

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Dear Jennifer:

I just signed onto this site yesterday and trying to figure out how the site works.

 The anniversary of my death's son, Stephen,  is Monday. It will be 2 years.

I think we have shared some similar thoughts and circumstances. If you would like to chat or email, please feel free. (doreen_csy@yahoo.com)

 

Sincerely,

Doreen

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traffichazard

I have not logged on to this site in quite a while, but I received a "reunion" notice and thought I would just check.  Your post jumped out at me.  When I lost my son Christopher on November 25, 2007, I too tried to figure out where to go and who to talk to that would understand and not think I was crazy.  I found this site and to be honest, after reading some of the posts, I thought it really wan't the type of thing I could continue.  Several days after my only post, a message came asking me where I had been and how I was doing.  A woman who had lost her son in October had reached out to me for some reason I can't explain.  She has been my rock, my confidant, the one person who really understands.  She has listened to my tears, my fears, my sorrow and held my hand through every terrible moment.  And I have held hers.  This is the day before Mother's Day and I don't believe that I am anymore because Christopher was my only son.  I still cry and while I never thought I could ever "get better", I have learned to cope.  I hope this site and the people on it bring you some sense of understanding and allow you to express your grief in a way that is healing to your heart and soul. 

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Jennifer, you are not babbling, you are reaching out which is what your Boy probably would want for you. He will always love you and be your Son, you his Momma. I am so sorry for your loss, that you are feeling so lost in the night. I lost my Girl nearly 6 years ago, and I feel my place here is to try and let you know that you will make it, and one day maybe even learn to sleep again. I have to ask if you ever went to therapy? I ask this, not in the belief that it is the only way to getting a bit better footing on this path, I know therapy is not for everyone, but also because you spoke of guilt. So many of us had/have guilt adn boy, that is one area you can rip into in therapy. Once you let some of that guilt go, chances are good that you will learn to let yourself sleep again.

I must go for now, but please come post in the loss of an adult child.

Peace,

dee

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