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River_Randi

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River_Randi

Im new here and ive never been good about opening up but i figure that maybe it would help me be less angry, This entire month ive had this attitude toward life because of what was taken from me. This St. Patricks will mark the 6th anniversary of losing my mother. I want to be okay, but it seems that things get difficult every once and a while and i always think back to my high school years when everything fell apart. I want to reach out to others who have experienced the same and learn how to cope better. My father is still here but we dont talk much. We never got along really well. I hoped that after the passing of my mother we wouldve gotten along better, but the years to follow things only got worse. we fought all the time and i was so broken. Now he lives 14 hours away with M.S and i worry all the time but i cant bring myself to talk to him.i just want some advice about where to go now. How to deal with the anger and how to better communicate with my father

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First I would try to find a therapist who deals with grief issues. You may have to shop around to find the right fit. Therapy helped me a lot. 

Second I would write my concerns in a letter and go visit my father and ask him to let you read the letter so you can get it all out. Make sure it doesn't place blame on either of you so at the end you can discuss it with both of you on the same level.

ymmv

Best wishes

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River.. it saddens me so that we all have to suffer so much :(  From what it sounds like, you are coping.. coping is just that, getting through the hard times.  I'm not sure if life ever has a time where there isn't hard times, and yes when we lose our mothers, things do fall apart... and we can expect things to be a mess, probably for a long time afterwards.

 

I'm sorry about your Mom and I hope this anniversary isn't too hard. I am only going on 5mo tomorrow that I lost my dear Mom :(  I know how much it hurts.

 

As for your Dad, maybe try to reach out if it really bothers you.  ... but then if you have reached out and have done all you can, there is not much you can do.  Maybe write him a letter and tell him how much you love him, tell him your thoughts, and your feelings.  I think it only helps to do our best to clean up our side of the street... and then sadly we have to let the outcome go, it's out of our hands.

 

... and counselors do help.  I have had a few in my lifetimes, and some of them have been blessings.  I have also joined support groups at times for various things.

 

Life is hard... and when we lose our Mom's, it can feel unbearable.. but coping is getting through everyday.. just like you are doing.  Hugs and prayers to you :)

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River_Randi

i saw a therapist when i was still in school so its been about 3 years but it mainly for the issues me and my father were having. We didnt really get to mother much, because every week it was something new with my dad. Part of me thinks me and my dads relationship is too far gone to fully fix. Im excited to see him next month though, Which is good, 

 

.....Im relieved to know that my anger is normal, however i figured after 6 years i wouldnt be so mad. I know it'll get better, it just takes time.

 

Thank you for those who replied so far

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