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Hello All ,

I am new to this forum and would like some advice.

First of all I would like to share my story so everyone has a better understanding of my situation.

I'm 20 years old and a mother of a 2 year old little girl. My Mother passed away the 15th of January 2014 due to an illness she was hiding from myself and my sisters. My mother and I were always very close so it hurt that she kept something so life changing from the family. I was only 18 at the time she passed away and needed my dad more than anything .. 2 weeks after my mother passed away I turned 19.. I found it very strange that my dad hadn't called me for his usual birthday wish over the phone. I tried to call several times but no answer. About 10pm I received a phone call from a relative to inform me my father had been admitted to hospital - ( and it wasn't looking good ) I was comp and utterly confused as my father was completely healthy and I knew he had taken my mothers death quite badly but nothing could make me understand why he was now on life support .. Sadly 2 weeks later my father passed away from 2 massive heart attacks and a bleed on the brain. The Drs said the loss of Mom was just to much for his heart. Sadly my parents were still very young .. My mum was only 52 and dad only 48 ..

My question is , it's been one year since they both past but I'm not feeling any grief .. I miss them and love them both very much but I'm worried as to why I would not be coping differently ? Should I be worried! My sisters are all worried that I'm not handling it the way I should.

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Hi Sienna 


I am so sorry for your losses.  Losing one parent is a very hard thing but losing  both parents in such a short time is very difficult.  I lost both parents in an 11 month period.  It's been almost 6 months since my dad left us, so still pretty recent.  Your losses were within a very short time of each other so I know how sad and shocking and difficult that can be.


There is no book of rules on how each of us will grieve or how long that process will be.  We are all very different and unique and in different places emotionally and spiritually therefore how we feel at any given time is different from others.  I don't believe there is a right or wrong way to feel with anything, including losing a parent(s).  


I say just go with your feelings.  For me, most days I am filled with gratefulness for having them for parents, other days I have moments of a heavy heart in missing them.  Ultimately, I know that both of my parents would want me to continue on with my life being the best person I can be.  I am sure that your parents would want you to do the same.  They would want you to be a good parent for your little daughter, a good friend, a good sister, a good worker, a good person in everything that you do and say.  


I don't think you should be worried at all...again because we are all different.  Also my parents may be gone from this life, but they will never leave my heart until we meet again when it is my turn to go "home."  


I hope this helps

take care

Cindy Jane



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People cope differently and you cant feel shame that you dont cope the way others do. When my mom died, i was devastated but knew that asking why or why me wasnt going to get any answers. So i feel i handled that well.

11 years Later 5 months ago. My dad died from cancer too. I had a full out breakdown. I lost faith in everything. This grief is very different from the first time. Something or some thought may trigger something and you and you may just have your moments. It will come when it does. Dont feel any way about it. Ita your grief

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