Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

I can't breathe.


Recommended Posts

  • Members

I'm suffocating from grief; I feel like my throat is closing up.

The love of my life Dexter passed away unexpectedly yesterday, around 4:30 PM. He was 6.

He started showing symptoms of asthma sometime ago which I moronically thought at the time were hairballs. After a while the symptoms ceased, and he seemed perfectly content. Yesterday morning I woke up to do my usual routine; coffee, calling out his name to be greeted with that oh-so-familiar meow I've come to be dependent upon. He was his usual candor. Around 4:00 he appeared to be struggling to breathe. It took me just a few minutes to realize this wasn't something that would pass on its own. I rushed around while he meowed loudly in pain; he wet the carpet in fear, and deep down I knew this would be the last time I saw him breathing. I put him in his crate and raced to the emergency. I hurled myself through the door, screamed for help, hysterical, begging for them to save him. Please. I was sent to a private room while he was taken to the back and put on oxygen. Time became torpid; everything froze, and my mouth was curled up in a rictus of peril as I counted the seconds, praying for a miracle. Within minutes a vet was standing in front of me, apologizing, but I couldn't hear his voice. He tunneled out. They tried everything - he was already passing by the time I got him through the door.

So very sorry for your loss.

The only thing I could think of doing was getting away, and so I fled, saying something about returning later to figure out the details. They wanted to perform an autopsy to rule out what would've caused this. Two scenarios: feline asthma or heart disease. I decided to forego it. I didn't want him cut open, and worse, I didn't want a diagnosis that could have been so easily prevented and treated if I had only taken a moment to realize he was suffering and I did nothing about it. I will never forgive myself for not taking an initiative sooner. This is my punishment, my bane, I will carry for the rest of my life.

The likely culprit was congestive heart failure.

I haven't stopped crying since. I adopted Dex from the Humane Society 4 years ago. The moment I saw him I knew he was perfect. His large eyes, his tiny ears, his plump pear-shaped figure. The most intelligent, tame, loving creature I've ever had the privilege of sharing these years with. Three days ago, on Valentine's Day, I picked him up and cradled him in my arms while he purred. I asked him to be my Valentine, and be mine forever. That moment, I thought forever was well-justified, because it never occurred to me that the idea of waking up one morning, calling out his name, would be greeted in silence.

I've never loved something so much in my entire life and I'm so angry it was taken from me. All I want to do is throw my head back and scream loud enough to stagger God. I want to point fingers; blame and resent through gritted teeth. I want my tears to leave a trail of fire down my cheeks that life could be so cruel as to take something away from me in a matter of minutes. Not hours, not days. Minutes. I will never adopt or replace Dex. I just want him home, and the closest I've come to that is a silver pendant where I will fill with his ashes and keep around my neck, close to my heart, where he belongs.

I've always been called an ice queen. Little did I know a cat with fur so soft, who's been through trials and tribulations with me the moment he came into my life, would melt that facade.

Dex saved my life - I only wish I could've saved his.

Goodbye, friend. I love you. 2/16/2015



Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members


Awwww. I am truly sorry about the loss of your precious Dexter. My mother's dog passed in a very similar way about two weeks ago. I know it doesn't help, but they told her there was nothing she could have done, and that in fact, she did everything right, to save poor Shay. I'd bet you did everything right, too. 


I've lost several of my furbabies, including one of my cats, Emmy, who was 15 and then Bob, who was almost 11. It's so tragic and utterly heartbreaking. 


We will be here for you,


Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

My kitty, pigeon , was 7 and died out of nowhere on January 14. She was fine. I went out ahipping abd came home and I went upstairs and she was just laying in the bathroom , dead.... I still don't know what happened and I don't think I will ever know. I saved her when she was 4/weeks old and loved her with All my heart. I know exactly how you feel because I still cry at night and it has been a month. I bought a bracelet and put a little of her ashes and a bit of her hair in it. It really is a comfort so I think you should do that. Right when it happened , I swore I would never have a cat ever again, but the more I think about it and start to heal, even though I am not even close yet, I have thought about adopting a kitten. But it can't look anything like my baby. That would just hurt me too much. Maybe you will never adopt again, but as time goes on our make find a place in your heart next to the place for your baby.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

What a cute boy.


I lost my Rossi on 27th December 2014, one of the worst days of my life.

Similar to your cat he had been in heart failure and his last 3 months his breathing had become more laboured each day so i had to made a decision on his quality of life. He was 14.

Now i can say i am relieived to have got through that awful day and did everything i had to do.

We bured him in the garden the same day after returning home from the vet in a closed cardboard box.

I just went straight out and got the spade, i was in shock and it got me through.


So sorry for your loss, please look after yourself.



Link to comment
Share on other sites


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.