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Loss of my Best Friend (Dad)


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I will never be the same . . . as I was before. In some ways, I see life as a puzzle, every experience you have forms a piece of your unique puzzle. When combined, they form the entire picture of your life.

My Dad took a piece of my puzzle with him, a piece that will never return.  I am incomplete without it, without him.

When someone you love dies, that part of you dies as well. I will never be the same again.

My view of the world also changed.  Life seemed to go on forever and I never thought about death, now I can’t get death out of my head.  I lost my parent, my only dad, I think a lot about death and dying. I still have plenty of questions, but nobody to answer them. And they certainly weren't fun questions.  I learned the importance of telling people that you love them. Don’t ever let them wonder how you feel.

Of all the things I regret, missing the chance to say “I love you” and “THANK YOU”.  Because I never told him as I thought men don't share feeling and never say things like that.

One of the hardest things about losing my dad is feeling that nobody understands. Even worse is feeling different and seeing things differently things just seem black and White and there is no colour in anything, I have three lovely kids and a wife a big lovely home but everything seems empty and pointless every day.   It hurts, it’s lonely, and there are some days you’d do almost anything to be the same . . . as you were.

I have realized that there is no promise of tomorrow. You are given such a small time, and you never know when your time will run out. The feeling of emptiness in my guts is getting bigger and bigger.  My wife keeps on telling me to snap out of it you need to get over this, I really wish it was that bloody easy.  I don't know what to do.

I feel like the past months have been a mess of every emotion possible. I’m a great big ball of pain, and it seems as though grief is the one thing no one will talk about with me.

For me my dad was the parent who showed up for me, who supported me,  never looked down on me,  always had hope for me, he was that one person I trusted,  he made me feel like I can do anything. He was my like my back bone I could never fall because he was there.

I never really got along with my mother I don't know why to be honest so my mother never really talked about my feeling only concerned about herself and what she is going through and most importantly my younger brother and how is he dealing with the grief, my mother always rings and cries to me saying she worried about my brother he was really close to your dad.  Looking at it now it seems like he could not do anything wrong and I can’t do anything right.  Rather than my mother worrying about me she consistently blames me for my dad's death as my mother says to me I cause to much stress for him because I moved overseas and also I drink alcohol (we come from a non-drinking family) and you always needed money and even said “I only loved my dad for his money”.    What she doesn’t know is how much stress she caused him and when we were cleaning his stuff out of my mums house I found a 10 page letter hand written by dad explaining what my mother did to him and how she upset him and ill-treated his parents and always talk down to him and it even said in the letter how my mother wasted so much money on gambling and also explaining details of a possible affair she might have had.  I advise my brother I found this and he told me to rip it up and throw it away and no one can ever see this.  So I kept it and have decided not share this with anyone including my mother because I don’t want her to be upset.

My mother even told me lies about what my dad said about me. My mother for about 2 weeks called me an alcoholic and a drug addict and told me she shamed to be related to me,  I got so pissed off I took a drug test and sent her the results and she wasn’t  even sorry.  I think the worst thing was when she told me about the time she got hurt when she was pregnant with me and the comment she made was "You should have died" said she regrets having me as a son.   Reading this you would think that this women is not educated or drug addict even possibly mental insane, but guess what she is a doctor and holds a PhD.

So on top of losing a parent that loved me I get the parent that hates me and makes me feel like a failure and always thinks I can’t financially support myself and my family because Dad use to help a lot with money because he told me he knows how hard it is having mortgage and 3 kids and if he can help take some of the stress away by giving me money to pay bills why wouldn’t he.  The biggest thing also knew he was always there through bad times and good times.  Now I have no one, and have to live in shame from my own family.

Am I meant to toughen up and get over it, how I get over this feeling. The grief is consuming me for last few weeks and I hide everything inside me.  Yes, I AM SAD. I lost my only loving Father & I have these great memories that I can't even share out loud!

My life has spiralled downward since my Dad passed away due to my own doing,   I felt like being close to my mother and brother so I flew back home about 5 or 6 times over a 5 month period and in result of doing that I left my business with 2 staff members who screwed it up and I had to close the business down.  Couple of weeks before my dad died we found out that my wife had cancer.  I cannot see the light anymore,  I feel sad all the time,  I can’t sleep,  I don’t eat and have lost 11 kegs.  I am getting withdrawn from my kids.  I have been unemployed for 3 days now still here and think what the F*** to do now.  I am running out of money,  I have to pay the mortgage and I cant get my head out of this ****.    

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I am so very very sorry about the loss of your precious father. He sounds like a great man who truly understood you. I feel bad for you that your mother just doesn't seem to understand you and in fact sounds, well, emotionally abusive at times (I am not a counselor, so forgive me if I am wrong). 


It sounds as though you need to talk to a counselor or therapist, but if that is not an option, then you have definitely come to the right place. 


How is your wife doing with the cancer? What treatment is she doing? 


Being unemployed will definitely compound all the other problems. Are you working with an employment counselor? Do you live in the states? Most states have employment assistance, and it is usually housed at the unemployment office. 


You have lots on your plate. How is your relationship with your brother? Can you two talk about how you are feeling? Is he any type of support? 


We will be here with you,



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What incredible stress you have in in your life right now. It truly sounds overwhelming. Losing a beloved parent is indeed so extremely painful on its own, never mind when its combined with a lack of emotional support and some very real worries in other parts of your life. I'm sure life feels as if it's completely fallen apart and there is no hope.   


I can only imagine how your dad would want so much to help and comfort you right now. He sounds like a wonderfully caring person who loved you so much. He was a good and decent person even while he had his own heartaches and disappointments with his marriage, but he was always there for you.  


I hope as you think of his strength and love, that you will be able to let go of your mother's bitterness and accusations which are so unfair and cruel. You gave your dad the pleasure of being a dad to you, as well as a friend. And no doubt you made his life feel worthwhile and happier.


I hope you can know deep in your heart that your dad would want you to keep going, getting through each day as it comes.






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