Lost my sweet boy 3/28/2009

[dannysmomma]

My 19 yr old son Danny passed suddenly and unexpectedly in his sleep on 3/28/2009.This week and a half has been so devastating for us.Danny was a very special young man,my boy had Down Syndrome and by all appearances was healthy.He came down with what we thought was the stomach flu we'd all had and I like I always have when my kids were sick, was handing him ginger ale,gatorade and water to make sure he stayed hydrated,which I didn't know was  killing him:(.During the night he passed  and thankfully ..they say it was peacefully.Danny died as the result of diabetic ketoacidosic.We didn't even know.There were no signs.They believe he was newly diabetic and this was the result.If he'd gone into crisis during the day we maybe could have saved him but we were all asleep.It was so quick.I found him in the morning when I went to check on him:(I've found more stories like ours on the net but it doesn't help with the tremendous mothers guilt I have.I was supposed to protect him from all harm and I couldn't and now my funny,loving ,caring son is gone.My heart is broken and I am angry.Dr's test for lead and anemia but never sugars.The #1 sign of diabetes is NO symptoms and every year children and young adults are lost because of this and my son has become a statistic.I didn't even know what DKA was when they told me.He would be turning 20 on April 10th and I'm planning a balloon release.I always made birthdays fun and I will continue to do so hoping it brings a smile to his sweet face.

[cameronsmom1]

Dannysmomma, I am so sorry to hear about your son. I hate to hear that you are feeling guilt because you had no idea that he was diabetic. I know it is hard but do not be hard on yourself. You did all that you knew you could. I am happy to hear that you are still going to celebrate his birthday. I know that it will be hard without him but just try to focus on his birthday instead of his death. I just celebrated my sons first birthday/angelversary on april 5th. He was stillborn. The only thing that got me through was making it a happy day, his birthday! One thing to try to remember is take time for yourself, breath, rest, and do whatever it is you need to do to cope with this loss. We will be here to help you through this. My favorite forum is Loss of an Adult Child. The people there are great and I hope you will give it a shot.

"We can't let our childs death become more important than their lives"

Amanda

[dannysmomma]

Thank you for the kind words and I'm sorry for the loss of your Angel.I was intending to post in the adult child folder but I'm still learning my way around.Right now we are taking things day by day.My other children are what  is  keeping me grounded they still need their Mom.I always knew Danny could leave us for any variety of reasons it's the reality of having a child with DS but I miss him so much.

[welovedrew]

Danny is a handsome boy! And...above all, he is your son. I lost my son 4 months ago. I also feel guilt every day. This is the hardest burden of all! Yes, as a mother, it was my job to protect him and I feel that I let him down. He meant the world to me and I didn't always let him know that. I told him constantly how much I loved him but, his life flew by and I just wanted to hug him and tell him one more time. Please know that the DKA was not your fault. This is something that happens without many families knowing what they are dealing with. DI is an unpredictable disease. I have seen it many times and it has taken over children before anyone even knew what was going on. You are a good mother! You will get through this. I will be here praying for you and Danny and your family. The hurt will be there for awhile but, please remember, when you need to talk or express yourself, the people on the BI BB are wonderful for giving support. We are here for you!

[4everjoeysmom]

Dear Danny's Momma, I am so very sorry for your sufferings and pain in losing your precious son Danny. It doesn't matter how young or old, they are our babies and we miss them dearly. It doesn't matter what are their ailments, we are never prepared for such a great void in our lives as when we lose our child. I've had the joy of knowing several DS children and adult children, and we currently work with and serve a few in our current ministry outreach. Once a person wins the heart and trust of such a special child, it is such a joy to witness such sweet and gentle spirits. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, as I am certain Danny added immeasurable joy to your lives and home, and he will be tremendously missed. Blessings & Hugs, Claudia (4EverJoeysMom)

[no40corysmom]

Danny's Momma, I will add my sympathy as well.......Danny's a very sweet looking young man........I am sorry you're heart is so broken now.......People here on this board are so very helpful ..... I pray you will find some peace and comfort here.

 

[hotrod]

Dear DannysMom

 

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious son, Danny.  I am so very glad you could post his picture.  I always love to see the smiling beautiful faces of our children and the happy memories those pictures invoke.

I understand your pain and loss and hope you can come here often and find the warmth and understanding you deserve at this difficult time

 

You are in my prayers.

[lolynbo]

SUCH PURE INNOCENCE HE HAS IN HIS FACE AND EYES...IM TOO AM SO SORRY YOUR NOW A PART OF THIS PAGE...BUT SINCE YOU FOUND US PLZ STAY INTOUCH...ITS RUFF OUT THERE BY YOURSELF

INNOCENT DANNY IS THE PUREST OF PURE

[dannysmomma]

Thank you all for your kind words:)Danny truly was an awesome young man and he made me/us so proud every day.I also have 6 other kids,Danny is the  2nd eldest so he was born when I was just 21.He taught me so much over the years while I was teaching him.To us the DS didn't define him he,defined it and he overcame so much.I think I could write for days about just how wonderful my boy is.I think part of my strength to get thru this right now is the comfort I get remembering that Danny was always so happy,don't get me wrong like most teenagers he could try my patience and could cuss like a sailor,crazy because he was very limited verbally but cuss words were clear as a bell..lol.I aso have been keeping a blog on my Myspace  and my friends comment and I know they care but they really don't know this pain.I hope they never do.This is not a club any parent wants to be in.{{HUGS}}}}

[hotrod]

Hello Again Dannysmomma,

So happy to see another picture of Danny and to hear about his life.  I did smile at the "cuss words", that were expressed loud and clear, and felt how much you loved him and how he knew how much he was loved. 

I know that the warm memories of my son, his laugh, his love for life have comforted me as I walk with this terrible loss and I hear the same in your message. 

You have come to the right forum to express your heart. I have found that it is so important to be with people who truly  "understand" the profound loss we have suffered and can relate to just needing to talk about your child.

Please keep posting and telling us about Danny's courage ,determination and wisdom.  It will enrich all of us.

 

Thank you for being here.

 

[mysonrich]

Hello Dannysmomma, I'm so sorry for the loss of your son Danny. He looks like such a fun guy and strong !

My son also died in his sleep on Jan 18, 09 though I have no cause of death yet. Rich was 20 and healthy looking and happy.

I understand your angry and guilt. Know that in time it subsides to some extent, for parts of my day.

 

I don't post here often but I do read almost everyday.  Keep posting and reading, there are many people here that can guide you ,because we know.

Rich's mom, Betsy

[cameronsmom1]

Dannysmomma, I read that you are keeping a blog on your myspace. I think that it is a great idea. A lot of people keep journals and someday are able to look back and see how far they have come. I would like to invite you to join my myspace page called Dedicated to our angel babies. I have quite a few people on their that have lost children whether it was an infant or an adult child. I would love to have you and would love to read your blogs.

Amanda

www.myspace.com/dedicatedtoourangelbabies

[johnnysmama]

Dear Dannysmomma

I am so sorry that you had to come here and for the loss of your sweet smiling Danny. He sure looks like he was fun and ornery. I am sure he is greatly missed. You are so new on this journey-take care and just try to breath. At the point you are at just try to make it through one minute at a time. As far as the guilt I think all of us have guilt over losing a child because it is just not right that they left first. It is normal but not your fault. just their time. Take care and ty for sharing your beautiful, fun beloved boy. Come to loss of an adult child-we post often and will always be there to listen and support you in any way we can.

Hugs

Kay

[dannysmomma]

Thank you hotrod:).Danny's dad  kept asking me if I had any more *serious* picture of him.I said no, the gajillion pictures I have are of Danny being silly and cheesing for the camera.His dad was never what you call an attentive father,I've raised Danny pretty much by myself.Sadly it took his death for his Dad to even bother to learn anything about Down Syndrome other than he was born with it.The fact that he  was always too busy to spend quality time with his sons and now Danny is gone is his cross to bare.I think he's gotten quite an education the past week and a half so he knows better than to do any finger pointing.He saw Danny just the Sunday before and saw the same vibrant,energetic kid we saw and he didn't have a clue what was about to happen either.I know in his way he did love Danny he just should have shown more interest over the years.

[daniellemom]

Danny's Momma

So sorry you lost your cool son Danny, how handsome a young man. What a fun loving spirit that your pictures show. I love the last picture you posted. Danny was such the ham! I'm glad you have found this wonderful site there are lots of people here with great advise. Take this one minute at the time then one hour at the time, then one day at the time. Come often and tell us more about your wonderful son Danny.

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[dannysmomma]

Thank you Sonya:)Everyone here has been wonderful.I wish none of us had to be here but glad that there are safe places to come and talk.Virtual hugs to everyone.Sometimes I'll see posts on different message boards from parents who are scared at the possibilty their unborn child may have DS or new parents who are scared because their child does..I always tell them that children/adults with DS are the same as the rest of us,they are unique with their own set of strengths and weaknesses,the only limitations are the one's placed on them.I didn't raise Danny to be different.He did everything that people do just his way was  a little different.The best of all was that he was always ready with a smile..I miss that smile so much:(The picture is Danny,Kenny<stepdad>,Cheyenne and Kota on Halloween

[dannysmomma]

Tomorrow is Danny's birthday ,he'll be 20.I know things will be very,very emotional but I'm still baking his cake and doing our planned balloon release.I remember right after standing in the store picking out his birthday card to put in with him.I couldn't send him off without a card.I didn't tell my kids what I'd done until after the services but they were happy.I knew he couldn't read what I had written but he got his card so he wouldn't think I'd forget.I had a meltdown last night so we took a drive.The one thing that constantly turns in my head is  did my innocent ,sweet boy think I didn't love him?Did he know just how very much I did?Was he scared?He always turned to me for help & comfort and this one time I wasn't there.I think how unfair it was he was born with DS and even more unfair that he couldn't tell me  what he was feeling.I know things happened quickly and the crisis happened in the night but I can't stand the thought that he may have thought mommy doesn't love me or she'd make me feel better.If I'd only known what was really going on.How many illnesses do we see our kids thru in a lifetime.If there'd been one sign that it was something more than just the usual stomach flu ,just one,but there wasn't.I know it's no one's fault and the possibilty was always there that he could die at anytime.Often person with DS just die and they never find a reason,but it doesn't make things easier.My one hope is Danny's gift of donation will help some solve  of the yet uncovered mysteries behind DS.

[mpsmom]

Dannysmom, I am so very sorry for your loss, I have not posted much in the last 2 -3 days and just read all of your posts, and  saw your wonderful pictures of your dear son and his brothers& sister.  Happy Birthday to our newest angel here on the Beyond Indigo website  ..........I think you placing his birthday card with him is so very sweet.  Our children will be with him to lead him to the biggest birthday party in heaven.  I am sure he knew how much you love/loved him, please try not to 'go there in your head' ... Our children know, positively without a doubt.  My prayers are with you and your family tommorrow on Dannys birthday.  What a sweetheart he is in all the pictures, a smiling teddy bear .

XOXOXO Marcia    Bethany's Mom Forever

[tanmanmymagicman]

I am so sorry Danny's Mom;  #1 you are his mommy and always will be; #2 the feelings you are having right now tells me you loved your son as much as you could and like me we would of died for our child; #3 Try not to be so hard on yourself; this is just too too much so soon; my goodness his birthday that is the toughest of times; the first birthday; meltdowns are scary and sad places to be but somehow they DO get less frequent.  Just know that you are not alone and that everyone reading your posts feels your heartfelt pain.  Happy Birthday to Danny; My daughter Kayla also has a birthday tomorrow but since she lost her little brother(Tanner) she is still trying to recover and have somewhat of a normal life.....she will be 22; my son was 16 when he got in his accident in Aug. 2007; I thought the same; Was he afraid?  Was he thinking of me? Did he suffer.  He can almost kill you if you let it.........

Just know what a great mother you are and take care of yourself the best you can.  OK;  I hope I have helped you little; I know people sharing with me has made me a lot stronger person and I don't apologize for much these days........

Cindy; Tanner's Mommie; I love you Tan man my magic man; FOREVER;  I miss you tonight and tomorrow and the rest of my life..............My baby boy;

Hi Marcia; just read your post; I get a warm heart when I see other mommies that we come to know and become friends here.  Hope you are hanging........in there......I am off to dog obience school tonight.  My bulldog is a tough boy.

[dannysmomma]

Still learning how to work this site and who everyone is so bare with me        Tannersmom..thank you:)Yes,your words have helped.I know deep down he knew or he wouldn't have felt it was safe to leave us but it's hard  some days.I guess we always wonder if we loved someone enough.I spend a lot of time looking at his pictures and he's always smiling so it does bring some comfort.I'm determined to make his birthday a celebration of his life and I will.Happy Birthday to Kayla:)Tanner is a handsome young man.I  can hear the love and pride you have for him in your posts{{{hugs}}}                                                                   Marcia..Bethany'smom..Your daughter is so beautiful:)Her eyes just sparkle in her picture and I'm sorry for your loss.Thank you :)I think it's the what-if's that get us.I tell myself that I don't possess the super  powers to know everything that's going to happen,I think if we did we'd go crazy.Such a great great responsibilty bestowed on us in raising our children I guess it's normal to feel some guilt,we're only human.I'm looking forward to celebrating Danny's birthday .Birthdays were always fun, the yearly trek to the video game store is what we won't be doing tho.We always took him to pick out his games with his B-day money.They found his pile of singles under his pillow.He was a shark about his money,it was heartbreaking when they handed it to me.We are buying a rose bush with it to plant at the new house.They  will be Danny's roses:){{hugs}}}

[daniellemom]

Happy Birthday DANNY!!!!!!!!!

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[mikesmomrs]

Dannysmom:  I am so very sorry about the loss of your precious son, Danny.  the love and sweetness of him is evident in his beautiful smile, and his happy pictures are glowing.  We all know the guilt we feel when we lose a child, so you have come to the right place for comfort and understanding, although I wish that you never had come to know such a place as this existed.  We lost our son, Mike, on Oct 14, 2006, to brain cancer.  Like you with your Danny's diabetes, we didn't know until it was too late.  Unfortunately, the doctors did, but no one thought it important enough to tell us.  Another story for another time. 

I am so glad that you are planning on celebrating Danny's birthday today...I will be thinking of you and sending love and strength...our precious memories of all those birthdays we shared can be bittersweet, but they are what keeps our heart beating on those days when we don't want to move beyond the next minute. 

Please know that you will receive love, understanding, and comfort here, and you can discuss anything you feel you need to here, we will always be here for you.  Although it may be too early for you to consider it, many of us have created web pages for our children on memorial websites, such as Virtual Memorials, which is the one we have used ourselves.  There are many more out there, I just can't think of them right now.  For us, it was a very healing and calming thing to do...it totally immersed us into Mike's life, instead of our loss, and just helped me get through many tough, horridly painful days.  Mike's web site address is www.James-Michael.Virtual-memorials.com

I hope to see you often, please join us on Loss of Adult Child if you like...you will find many friends to greet you there.

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

 

[dannysmomma]

Sonya...Thank you for the birthday wishes.:)It was supposed to rain all day here but after we released his balloons the sun came out and the day was just beautiful and it rained cherry blossoms instead.I think he must have been happy to see those Skittles in thesky:)                                                                                                                                                                                      Carol..Mikesmomrs..Thank you:)I went to visit Mikes page awhile.. what a lovely family:) He is alive in his children still and I hope that brings you some comfort.I started to make Danny's page but that's a project for when Olivia is asleep,at 17 months she has no patience..lol. {{{{hugs}}}}                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            All in all Danny's birthday went well.I only cried once yesterday and that was at the news that we after 3 months of waiting on a short sale approval, got our new house.I had said to Kenny in the morning that maybe Danny'd work his magic and we'd hear from our realtor today,Sure enough she called yesterday on his birthday to say it's ours.The news was bittersweet because Danny was excitedly packing up his room in the weeks  before he passed.I haven't been able to go in there,finding him that morning was so horrible even tho he just looked like he was asleep.I think Kenny's going to have to help me finish with his room.I'm getting a cedar chest to keep his things in at the new house and I'll make a memorial wall for his pictures and artwork.Yesterday made me feel good I know Danny is watching over us and I thinks he loved his balloons and chocolate cake:)  Yes..we are still in our pajamas in the pics ,his balloons were the 1st thing we did when we woke up:)                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

[dannysmomma]

Here's another of the Skittles in the sky

[johnnysmama]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANNY!

 

Dannysmamma

The love for your son sure shows through in your postings and in your pictures. How amazingly strong you are to celebrate his birthday with the balloons and cake. He is smiling and trying to catch them I am sure. I love that you made sure to give him a birthday card. What a loving Mom you are. You have a wonderful family, too. His Dad will have to work out his relationship with Danny for sure. Come to the loss of an adult child post-that way you can get to know us all and we wont miss your wonderful pics and posts. Great news on your house-Danny for sure helped and is around you for sure. Love his skittles!

Kay

[dannysmomma]

KAY...Thank you:)Working my way over to the other board:).I've been lurking and reading everyone's posts and stories.The kids are on Spring Break now so every time I sit down someone's yelling for Mom..lol..You'll se a lot more postings next week.{{{hugs}}}

[shorty16]

Dannysmomma

I agree with Kay, you are amazingly strong. 

My Brian's Birthday was 7-12 and he died on 6-19-08.  We had a party planned for months on that day.  I ended up running away to my sister-in-laws in another city.  Could not face the day - second worst day of my life.

I applaud you, Dannysmomma for your strength, especially when you have a houseful of young children.

You are doing great

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever 

[dannysmomma]

Colleen..{{{hugs}}}..I keep forgetting to include my name,everyone call me by my middle name which is Lyn:)Believe me yesterday was not the easiest day to get thru but I'm trying to instill on his sibs that it's ok to be sad and miss him terribly but at the same time don't forget all the fun times we've had over the years.My 10 yr old of course as 10 yrs old do asked why we were having cake if Danny wasn't here to eat it..I said  just because he's no longer here to eat it doesn't mean we have to forget and pretend it's not his birthday anymore..in a nice way of course:).It's not running and hiding Colleen you weren't ready for a party and that's very understandable.We kept things lowkey and just our little family.I couldn't have handled a big shindig either and no one should expect you to..I'm learning there's no right or wrong way to get thru this, you have to do what works for you and your family...Lyn

[welovedrew]

Dannysmom...I love the picture of Danny when he was ~ 8 years old. Was that a school picture? He is so cute! Mary

[dannysmomma]

Hi Mary:) Yes it was!He always had that picture on his headboard and it took me 5 years to convince him to toss the plaid shirt he was wearing..lol.He was a lot bigger at 13 than 8 but he loved that shirt.His dad has other pictures in Italy from when he was little and I can't wait for him to bring those back over here this summer...Lyn

[doreenc]

Dear Danny's Momma:

I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I had magical words to make it all better for you.

I loved the saying you placed on his one picture and was telling my daughter how happy he looked there. It was a saying that I had written down earlier today because it is what I want others to know about my son, Stephen.

I don't know if this will bring any solace, but speaking as a Registered Nurse, his anyone's guess would have been that he too had a stomach virus. Unfortunately, symptoms mimick so many different illnesses and can never tell us in 100% certainty what is truly going on. We can only make educated guesses and we all start with most common on the list.

However, I understand your position. At times I beat myself up for not seeing how serious my son's illness was.

Well, by the looks of everything, Danny had a loving family and I am sure as your were blessed with him, he was blessed with you.

Sincerely,

Doreen (former Marylander)

[dannysmomma]

Thank you Doreen:)I've gotten quite an education on Type 1 diabetes lately.My heart goes out to those suffering from it and their families.My confusion is why so fast and why at onset,but then I remind myself persons with DS are somewhat fragile no matter how healthy they appear.I'm sorry for your loss as well:(.I guess as parent's we will always question why we didn't see things but we're human and not infallible so beating our selves up serves no great purpose other than making us feel worse.(((hugs)))Lyn

[doreenc]

So, true Lyn, no need in making ourselves feel worse, we have enough of that.

Thanks for your kind words.

Hugs,

Doreen