Miss my son....

[coleymoleysmom]

I lost my son Cole on February 28th to Cancer. He was only 8 months old. A first when the doctors told me he had cancer, I was devastated....I thought that was the worst possible thing....but I was wrong. He fought the cancer for 6 weeks and then out of the blue he had a massive stroke and died. My only comfort was that I was with him, his family was with him when he took his last breath.

I miss him everyday....terribly. I wonder if I will ever be the same. I have an eight year old daughter to take care of also. She is helping me stay focused and busy. When I settle down at night though it hits me like a ton of bricks. He is gone.

I could go on forever, but right now I am wiped out. How do I become "normal" again?

[4everjoeysmom]

I'm so sorry about Cole...so sorry for your loss.

I haven't been "normal" for so long, I don't even know where or how to begin to answer that, IF it can even be answered at all. I have resigned looking for "normal" to be me again. So many who have lost children speak of a "new normal". I guess if one is looking for normal, that may be as close as any of us ever get. We just learn in time to live through what our lives have been dealt. It's a challenge, and it's hard work, but we get there...in time.

It can be bittersweet having another child to care for when all you want and need to do is grieve. You need to allow yourself some "me time", which in your case seems to be at night. But you also need to rest and keep up your strength to care for your daughter. I pray you have family or friends close by that can lend a hand. Most of us feel very isolated and alone, as life goes on around us and people just aren't as focused on our needs and pain as we are after several weeks and months go by. That can be very trying. It helps to find a network of support. Writing out your feelings helps sometimes. And sometimes it helps to read posts of others, just to know you aren't as alone as you feel. There are a lot of little things than can be a lifeline for a time, but essentially only time will ease the intensity of it all. It won't ease the missing. But it won't always be as devastating as it is today.

With hope, ~Claudia

[ericasmom]

COle's Momma, I am so sorry for the loss of your Beautiful Son. Normal is not anything we can be after the loss we have suffered. All we can do is put one foot infront of the other and go forward taking our Babies with us into a new day. Your little girl must also be feeling like nothing is normal, and she is right. Have you gone to a group or therapist? Has your little one gone to a Rainbows group at school, which deals with loss?

I echo what Claudia has said, a new normal will sprout from your lives, but it takes time and until that establishes itself, you need to take extra special care of yourself. Cole will always be with you deep in your heart so do not be afraid of forgetting him, or losing the essence of him. Now make sure of you. Both He and your Girl need you to do this.

Peace one day,

dee

[coleymoleysmom]

Thank you so much Claudia! It really helps to write my feelings and share my grief with others that have been through losing a child.

Last night I spent time with a girlfriend I haven't really spent much tim with the last couple years, and I almost felt like me again. It was a short period of time but I laughed and joked and was ME. It was nice and I am sure my lil man Cole is proud of me.

Well thanks again for listening and sharing. So sorry for your loss as well.

~~Megan~~

[4everjoeysmom]

Megan, I'm glad you had time with a friend that was like a little dose of broken-heart-medicine for a while. It's those little does that you get here and there that will help and remind you that you are not losing your mind--that you will come through to the other side of the valley one of these days and into greener pastures. It will just take time. It's kind of a journey of rediscovering your heart as well. It won't go back to the same as it was, because there are cracks and pieces missing now. But it will go back together, like when we glue a broken vase, and it will hold flowers again as well.

I remember sitting on the porch with my family and some close friends that loved Joey a few days after he died. We sat around and talked about Joey, and at times just cracked up laughing at some of the funny shenanigans he would pull. It was just a burst of joy, but it was wonderful medicine to feel like I could and would laugh more again some day, when i was ready. And you will too. I promise! Just be good to yourself. Take care of your sweet little girl, remember Cole and cry and smile, and come here when you need a friend.

Blessings! ~Claudia

[coleymoleysmom]

Thank you Dee for all your kind words of encouragement and support. I need all of that right now and so do all of you.

Thanks again!!

~~Megan~~

[loannie8]

First, I wish I had the answer you are looking for. I lost my son(almost 4 years old) after almost 4 years of therapy, surgery, doctors appointments, heart ache, and fear. The only comfort I have had is that I spent alnost everyday of his life with him. He never walked, he never talked, I never got to hear him say "Mommy, I love you!". It seems so very unfair, doesn't it? How/why would God bring such an innocent, beautiful, pure child in to this world, just to have them die so quickliy and without any reason at all? I don't yet (may never/k have that answer. What I do have what I do have, and you do too even even you can't see it yet, is the truth that every wonderful thing that baby taught you was the epitome of truth. When a baby smiles, it's pure happiness. When you make your baby happy, you have touched a heart that cannot lie. It's lpainful because someone so pure should never have to endure such pain, but becaue they are so pure, what they teach us could never be learned by anyone else. Again, I don't really have any answers, just a few things I've learned on my journey. We never really get enough time, and we can never truly feel we loved them enough. Not because we didn't try, but how much is ever realy enough?

[robyn]

I lost my son Cole on February 28th to Cancer. He was only 8 months old. A first when the doctors told me he had cancer, I was devastated....I thought that was the worst possible thing....but I was wrong. He fought the cancer for 6 weeks and then out of the blue he had a massive stroke and died. My only comfort was that I was with him, his family was with him when he took his last breath.

I miss him everyday....terribly. I wonder if I will ever be the same. I have an eight year old daughter to take care of also. She is helping me stay focused and busy. When I settle down at night though it hits me like a ton of bricks. He is gone.

I could go on forever, but right now I am wiped out. How do I become "normal" again?

What a beautiful baby!

Whatever "normal" is, it's dynamic. Our babies change us when they come into our lives, change us while they are here, and change us, again, when they leave. So, defining "normal" probably can't be done. Your loss is new, so be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve. An unfortunate fact is that others are made uncomfortable by us. I think that is more about them than it is about us- I think we scare them just a little. We are reminders that awful things can happen to anybody.

It's such a good thing that you have your daughter to focus on. She will help you more than you know.

My daughter went home last November, just before Thanksgiving. She left behind a 3 year old daughter who is, every inch, her beautiful mother. I spend as much time as I can with her.

We will never forget our precious ones. They are a part of us and always will be. The pain lessens over time, but the wonderful memories never do.

Robyn

[mrsduc]

I am so sorry about your loss of your 8month old. That is so terrible. But I must tell you to be kind to yourself. It is still new and in time you will get alittle better. But it will take time. But I must tell you the normal you knew before the cancer and the death will never be again. You will one day learn a balance and a new normal for you. But you will never be the person you were before the death of your child. So I can tell you to just be kind to yourself and when your daughter is in bed at night then allow yourself to grieve and for me it has helped to start a diary and write down my feelings and to scream and cry and holler in that journal. Just a thought that might help you. I have you in my prayers. Please be kind and know that in time it will get alittle easier. But you will always feel the loss because you are a mother who loved her child.

What a beautiful baby!

Whatever "normal" is, it's dynamic. Our babies change us when they come into our lives, change us while they are here, and change us, again, when they leave. So, defining "normal" probably can't be done. Your loss is new, so be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve. An unfortunate fact is that others are made uncomfortable by us. I think that is more about them than it is about us- I think we scare them just a little. We are reminders that awful things can happen to anybody.

It's such a good thing that you have your daughter to focus on. She will help you more than you know.

My daughter went home last November, just before Thanksgiving. She left behind a 3 year old daughter who is, every inch, her beautiful mother. I spend as much time as I can with her.

We will never forget our precious ones. They are a part of us and always will be. The pain lessens over time, but the wonderful memories never do.

Robyn