Trying to learn how to function with half of my soul missing

[Gcb527]

I had already started typing this but must have hit something and lost it so I apologize if this seems like a repeat.

On 12/27/2014 I lost  the love of my life, my soul mate. He was my sunshine from the moment he came into my life and now my life & this world be will be a sadder & darker place without him.He was my heart & soul, my everything. I know a lot of people don't believe in soul mates, neither did we. When we met he was 41 and had already given up on ever meeting "the one" and I never really believed in any of that. There were a lot of odds against us and plenty of reasons why we should never have met or got to know each other, but against all the odds, after 3 years of "fighting it" we gave in and NEVER regretted it for a second.

We were one of those annoying couples that never really fought and always wanted to be together. Of course we "bickered" but never did anything hurtful enough, never wanted to cause that kind of pain in each other, to cause a real fight. We both went away with friends and had interests of our own that we enjoyed without each other  (although we enjoyed doing most of those things together too). But no matter how much fun we were having we always missed each other and couldn't wait to get back home to each other.

Now I sit alone in that home we lived in together and can't even begin to understand how I'm supposed to do this without him? He was the only person that truly understood me, knew how to make me feel better, and would do ANYTHING to even try to make me feel even a little better, even when i was at my worst. 

I've had a lot of loss and sadness in my life but he was my sunshine and always made me feel better, always helped me to move past it & put things in perspective. He made everything in my life better. I have a tendency to be morbid sometimes but I always used to say that he was everything good in me. Now how to do I go about the rest of my life (and I'm only in my 30's) with out my sunshine, the best part of me, the person that I always wanted to be a better person for, and what I learned almost 10 years ago was my soul mate? 

 

I'm not sure where to go from there, I'm pretty cried out for now so I'm gonna just call it a night for now and stop typing. Thank you to anyone that takes the time to read this. And good luck to everyone on here going though their own pain.

 

 

 

 

 

[Ritchie_uk]

Hi Gcb527,

Im so glad you re-typed your message i have no idea why it failed to post and you had re-type it.

Im so sorry for your loss i really am.

I am really encouraged by your post, as selfish as it sounds it has given Me and many of us hope.

Please log in and stick with this forum and i hope you find new friends and encouragement on this forum.

Chat soon

Take care

Ritchie

[Meredith77]

I'm sorry for your loss!

 

I know exactly how you feel. I too am in the same boat. In my late 30s and gave up on finding my soulmate. And he died at the happiest time in his life, the happiest I had ever seen him. What's worse for me, the week before he died I had a dreadful feeling that something was going to happen to him. We were standing in the kitchen while I cooked and he said to me that it looks like I'm pulling away from him. I answered, "I've never had we have and I don't ever want to loose it". The night he died in the car accident, he spent last few hours of his life with me. He said two things to me that haunt me, not comforting yet...."When times are tough, you must go down on your knees and pray harder. God won't put anything on your shoulders that you won't be able to carry". Just a few hours before he died, it's shocking to look back and think those were his words. The last song he played and sang to me before he left was Better by Boyzone. The sweetest words of how our love has changed. 

I know how hurt you feel, you lost your bestfriend and soulmate. You miss the small things about him; like his laugh, the sound of his voice, his smile, his hugs and kisses, time spent just the two of you enjoying each others company. His words of comfort spoken like he was a mind reader, when you needed comfort the most.

Stay connected to his family if you have a good relationship with them. Speak about your loss and cry with them. They too are hurting. And if you were living together you can share your memories with them, which will be comforting to them.

Beware that you don't become too depressed, sleeping 3-4 hrs per night, not eating well, etc. Go see your GP and keep regular visits.

Your mind will be your worst enemy now, the sweetest memories will keep coming back over and over, followed by tears. When you feel ready, get back to work to keep your mind occupied.

I'm now at 7 weeks after loosing my soulmate. Still deep heartache and tears. Our dreams and hopes shattered! Best advice, keep talking to someone who loved him as much as you loved him. I'm taking a break from reading all old messages on my cellphone, email and looking at his facebook wall. I keep hearing his voice as I read all of those. 

It's a tough road. You will have good days and bad days. You'll be sitting in company and might start crying. Don't be ashamed to show your emotions. Telling you to be strong and that things will get better, are words people tell me all the time. But they don't understand how hard the loss of your soulmate hits you!

Keep sharing with us on this forum. 

On a funny note, my boyfriend had the best sense of humor, I struggle to sleep at night cause he was the big spoon and I the little spoon. I've been thinking which one of my guy friends I can ask to stay over for at least one night to spoon with me. Just to have one decent night sleep and spray my boyfriends perfume on my friend. 

 

Big hug to you!