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I lost my best friend and soulmate at our happiest time....It hurts!!!


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A man I'd known for 6 months at work, but judged him based on gossip and therefore never bothered to get to know him better. And we kinda annoyed each other at work and it's weird to think that somehow we fell in love at some point when we became friends. It breaks my heart knowing he died at his happiest that I had ever seen him, his career dreams and our future together were falling into place. I was the last person to speak to him for 2 minutes only to say "I love you. I miss you. I can't wait to see you again". Less than 10 minutes later he died in a car accident, I saw the traffic accident report of the accident time and the time of the call on my cell phone. I woke up and just had to call him. He sounded happy when we spoke. The night he died, was spent with me, the sweetest but still very painful memories. I fell asleep in his arms on the couch and he woke me up asking, "Do you love me?". I replied very sleepy, "Yes". He then asked, "Why do you love me?". I answered, "I love you for you". That made him stop asking questions and I could sleep again in his arms. Before he left my place he played a song 3 times to show how he feels about me, Better by Boyzone. The sweetest words he sang to me while the song played.

It was the best month we ever had before he died, we were "connecting" like never before. I read his messages to me and it's so loving. 10 days before he died he text'd me "I hope I don't die before I get to put a ring on your finger".

It sucks knowing he came into my life, made me fall in love with him. Saw how he changed me into a better me, to be more loving, affectionate and warm. Making me used to falling asleep in his arms and waking up next to him. Knowing he is very protective and only after I fall asleep he would fall asleep, he always did that, He would wake up within minutes if I wasn't next to him anymore and come find me and make me sleep with him again. In so many small ways he changed me,.. i want to go back to being the "Ice Princess",

We were so different, but also the same, we made us work. We had so many plans....what now?

I've never had a man love me the way he loved me. And it's just heartbreaking to know he died when we were at our happiest. 

My family never met him cause we live far apart. And I don't think they understand how much he meant to me and that I have to deal with this big loss in my life. I was told to move on and I'm not the only one who has lost someone to death. This is by far the worst life experience I have had to go through. Not everyone understands that. But reading other people's stories here has given me some comfort that my loss is real and a deep heartache. 

It's been 7 weeks....and counting...Our friendship I miss the most. 

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I'm so sorry.  I get how you feel.  There are all of these dreams and possibilities that got ripped away and now what...  It isn't fair, especially when he was so happy.  And you were so happy.  It is like having this special and wonderful and amazing thing that no one really understands, because how could they? And then it is gone and no one knows how empty and awful it feels. 


I'm so angry that someone told you to move on. Like your pain doesn't matter.  I can't even...  


I hope you can have moments of comfort and compassion.

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