I think I see a slight change!!

[INeverKnewLoveUntilIMetHim]

Hi, my husband's name was Tom. We met in 2004, while employed at an Nursing home. He was a Supervisor over the Cooks and I was a CNA. Every day, I would go into the dining room and draw a colorful menu for the residents. One day, while in the middle of drawing the menu, he walked in and said..."I've always wondered who took the time out to make such beautiful drawings", This was our first encounter. From that day forward, it seemed as though he had made it his personal mission to see me, and I was eager for him to also. He ALWAYS had a smile on his face... he had such a gentle and humble spirit. Everyone who met him Loved him. One day, I was working on the Alzheimer's unit, he found me and told me that he had just been offered a new position, better pay, at a different facility... I was heart broken but I understood... he asked for my telephone number and asked if I would like to go out on a date with him. Of course I said yes....Our first date was at Buffalo Wild Wings.... He was such a gentleman...he was just.....just .... it's hard to explain in words.... the best way I can describe him is...The WORLD lost an Angel and don't even know it!! He was just that kind of a person...I remember our first date at the wing place, I asked him... is this you or will you change in about 3 months?.... he didn't understand the question.... he said.. what you see is what you get.... and you know what... he is the FIRST and only person in my life that has ever been consistent... he was an Amazing man.... such a Beautiful and gentle spirit.... ....My husband was a healthy man, you ate good foods, exercised, meditated, lived with minimum stress....just well balanced....so it seemed like no big deal when I forced him to go to the doctor, just to get a check-up... he had NEVER been to the doctor before. Our primary doctor gave him a referral for a colonoscopy, me not thinking, allowed the to schedule the appointment for the 13th which was on a Friday.... That day was like any other day, except we didn't eat breakfast because of the colonoscopy. ... We went to the clinic, saying a prayer before entering. He had the procedure done, and was returned to the recovery room where I was waiting. The doctor came into the room with color pictures of my husband colon saying it was 95 % blocked and asked if he had any symptoms...... fast forward... my husband did 6 months of horrific chemotherapy....fast forward 14 months.... learned chemotherapy didn't work.. not only that, but it metastasized to his lungs....I made him retired from work on May 31, 2014...July 15... cancer spread to spinal cord..left him unable to walk....last week of his life... cancer had spread to him brain.. I watched my husband decline right in front of my eyes. I NEVER cried and hurt so much in my life... although he was sick and on hospice... he was comforting me.... I am learning to NOT beat myself up for that fact. I miss my husband DEARLY, but I know that its the God in me that is keeping me here..... because I just knew that I could not and would not live without him.... and the fact that I am sitting here typing this, is a testament to God's tender mercy and grace. Looking back over the past 5 months, I think I can see a slight change...... I have overcome great obstacles, things that may seem so trivial to others, such as, going into the basement (that was his man cave) going into the garage, going to our favorite Restaurants, sleeping in our bed, watching our favorite movies, looking at his pictures (when he was at his best) ....I was obsessed at looking at this sickly pictures for some odd reason, especially since it brought nothing but pain and tears.....but just looking back... I can see a slight change....and I am holding on it, no matter how small it may seem... because if I let go.... there is no longer anyone here, to catch my fall!!!  

[finding and believing]

Thanks for sharing your story and staying positive.  My mother died from colon cancer in 2012 and then my husband died two years later - they were my total support system.  Now I must do my best each day and use the wisdom they taught me in raising our daughter.  Keep the faith!

 

[INeverKnewLoveUntilIMetHim]

Thank you!! I am so sorry for your loses.... I HATE cancer..... I am happy to know that you are doing your best, that's all any of us can do at this point.

[ad99]

I am so sorry to heard about your loss... and thank you for sharing your story.

I lost my husband/soulmate to pancreatic cancer and liver metastases on Aug. 13 2014. It hurt me extremely when I see him took his last breath... It's almost 5 months now, and I am getting better to live and to deal with the pain. I found it helps just to keep myself busy, although I still think about him every minute. The life has no meaning to me now, and the only thing keeps me holding on it's our son. I think that's the reason God wants me to stay here. So, you keep hanging there because your Tom is watching you. I wish you the best.