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My Bernie passed away


berniesmom

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:(  I am in such grief and devistating pain .My Blue Crown Conoure Parrot Bernie lost his battle yesterday morning after sustaining severe Injury New Years eve  .

He had Brain Trauma , liver trauma and lost function of his leggs . He was hospitalized for 7 days Had just brougt hhim home on Monday 2/3/09

I had to give him almost around the clock care . I had got up and found him sat morning at 2:55 am . His beak in his food bowl and eyes open .

I love him so much and did everything I knew to do and vets as well .

I knwo he is not suffering anymore . Bu tthe pain of losing him is so bad . My heart is just wrenching in pain . In an instant my heart felt pain like I have never known  .

I can't stop thinking of him and crying . Taking this so hard . I am so depressed and hurt . I do not know what to do , I feel weak , can;t sleep . feel drained and so over whelmed with all this .

How do I cope and be able to let him go ? I am beside myself hurting so bad I do not know what to do  .

Its so unbareable .. I miss my sweet angel .My poor Bernie his little body just out . and I feel so guilty I was asleep when he passed . I am so upset I pray he didn't feel all alone .  I am just sick with grief , guilt and pain .

Please pray for me and my husband and for my special Boy Bernie the best sweetest Bird . I am greatful God allowed me to have him . It was an honor to be his mommie .

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Gosh, my heart goes out to you in a big way.  I can relate to your grief  on so many levels.  For one thing, I lost my sun conure a couple of years ago and it traumatized me so badly that I thought I would never heal.  I had nightmares for months.  Picasso was her name.  She was the sweetest darling bird and I loved her so much.  One day she was egg-bound and I rushed her to a vet and for some reason, I didn't feel comfortable at that vet and told them I was leaving and that i wanted to take her to her usual vet.  The last thing the first vet said to me was, ' whatever you do, don't let him crush that egg or he'll kill her" and guess what?  the second vet crushed the egg and it eventually killed her.  I had to bring her home, she was in such agony, dying and suffering.  It took me a very long time to heal. I feel like I drove her to her death.  May I suggest something?  I wrote Picasso a letter as if she was actually going to receive it.  It helped to spill my thoughts and emotions on paper.  I also built her a beautiful wooden grave marker that looks just like her and it's in my garden. It's been two years, but even now I still talk outloud to her.  I don't care if anyone thinks I'm 'crazy'.  I know that animals have spirits and Pablo was no exception. 

Most recently, I lost the love of my life, my dog and it's been absolutely heart-breaking.  She died in my arms on Jan. 6.  I still cry, I still have trauma, I still have trouble sleeping.  There are so many triggers in my house and my lifestyle that remind me of her absence.  I just now washed my bathrobe, the one I was wearing when she was in my arms.  I stared at her hair for several minutes and then finally made myself wash it. 

A few months ago, I lost my black lab too.  Sigh........it's been a very sad year for me. I probably qualify for being institutionalized by now.  It's a miracle that I'm still alive and haven't died from a broken heart.  I'm serious. 

Gosh, I know how hard this is for you and I know how easy it is to feel like we betrayed our babies and become overwrought with guilt.  But, I know that I did all I could do and more and I'm sure you did too. 

I've learned to embrace the heartbreak and to allow myself to grieve at my own pace.  I can honestly say that this is the wisest and most healing method anyone could adopt.  Try to avoid people who don't understand.  Forgive them, but just try to spend time with those who care.  I also started doing some meditations to music to relax and spiritually nourish myself. 

 Feel free to write me anytime.  I have so much more to say but I must go for now.  I'll check back again later. 

BIG HUGGGZZZZZZ........Lizzie

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Thank you so much for your letter Lizzie .. You are the only person on here who even responded at all !

My heart goes out to you as well on the loss of your two babies .

Some people just do not understand , and make remarks " well you can get another one " I tell ya I just want to smack them up side there dumb heads ..

My babies are not replaceable .. They are my kids , family members .. Not just  a Bird or cat ect .

 Love your statement " I probably qualify for being institutionalized by now."

sounds like me so much loss lately .. my Aunt then her son my cousin in less then 24 hours of her passed he was killed .  Then My mother inlaw , and then a good friend 1 week after my Birthday .. and now My Bernie .. Needless to say I already have a foot in the door at our local Mental hospital !

I just do not know how much more I can take . I know what you mean about trigger things to remind you  . Bernies cage is covered but nothing has been touched . I had cut down a flannel sak I put him in as it was to big .. I saved it so I woudl have a part of what was with him , with me . Crazy HUH !

We had a small funeral service with a few friends for Him and I brought my bible and read the 23 rd psalms adn said soem things as did everyone . We all placed dirt in .. an my husband finished with the buriel .

Please write me lets keep in touch ..

njkath2002@yahoo.com

Hugs kathy

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Kathy,

Gosh, you and I really do have a lot of grief in common.  I've lost family members too and it was horrible, unexpected cancers. 

I am no saint when I say forgive those who are insensitive to our loss.  Many folks simply don't have the same reverence for animals as they do humans.  I've had to bite my tongue many times.  I know I'm probably more of an animal lover than most animal lovers are.  Barrett and I were together for 16 years!!!  She was my baby, my child, my source of pure joy and love.  I guess when someone says something insensitive,  that you could remind them very gently that Bernie was your child and that you are enduring the same level of grief that they would should they lose one of their children.  Then again Kathy, some folks simply can't even imagine how painful losing a child would be because they don't want to imagine it. 

I feared the idea of getting another dog but I was in the park last Sunday and a little Golden ran up to me and I just melted and turned into a completely loving, playful and open woman again.  I realized that I COULD love again and  I know that when the time is right the universe will present me with the right match with a new dog or some other animal but for now, I'm just going to rest.  Caring for Barrett during the last month of her life was a full time job and sometime I'll explain to you what happened.  Again, it was related to a vet's negligence.  So, I've had anger issues to deal with as well.  Until barrett got sick, she was perfectly fine, playful, happy and then one day, a completely different dog that required round the clock care.  I was so physically exhausted when she died that I don't think I was able to fully comprehend the magnitude of loss I suffered.  It's been a little over a month and I feel worse than I did then!  Well, that's not entirely true.  But, I have some really bad days that are just unbearable.  Yesterday I cried and cried in my microscope at work. 

As far as putting Bernie's things away, TRUST ME when I say that you will when you're ready and that you shouldn't feel the need to do anything until then. YOU WILL know when you're ready.   Get this:  my christmas tree is still up in my living and bedrooms.  Do I care?  Heck no.  I took all the decorations away except the trees and barretts christmas toys.  I will put them away when I'm ready and not a minute before.  I don't care what my husband thinks either and he's not put any pressure on me thank goodness.  Now, if he admits me into the mental hospital, then we will 'talk'.  hehehe

Living one step at a time, one moment at a time is all we can do right now Kathy.  And, really, there's no need to spend time worrying about what other people think.  Just don't be around people like that.  Americans are so accustomed to expendable things that can be replaced that I really think that it's difficult for anyone to completely understand the concept of mourning.  We're also not a society that gives people the same respect for mourning pets as they do people.  My employer didn't give me the ten day grief paid vacation that other people get and yet, barrett was my child!

the other hard thing for me is that my husband isn't as sensitive to this as I am.  He just goes on like nothing happened.  So, it's created a bit of resentment on my part.  But, he's just not like me in that way. 

I WILL write you.  I am on eastern time and I work until noon each day but I"ll get back to you this evening or tomorrow for sure. 

I hope that Bernie and Barrett are together now.  barrett loved all animals and birds and she never hurt anyone or any living thing. 

Hugs, Lizzie

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Hi ladies,I usually post on Loss Of A Mother,but drift over to this section because I also lost my 2 cats(my babies,I don't have children)I can sympathize with you both.I lost my 15yr.old cat last March,my mom in June,and my 5yr.old cat Sonny in July.I thought I was going to lose my mind-maybe I have LOL!When Sonny died it was totally unexpected,I took him to the vet because he was breathing funny and that night they called me and told me he died.I was numb.This little cat was my life,he was my comfort,especially when my mom died,I couldn't believe God took him too.Sometimes I still can't believe he is gone.I hate to say it,but I still cry over him constantly.I feel guilty because I never even got to say goodbye to him,I still remember the look on his face while I was driving to the vet-it looked like he was soo scared.I have since adopted 2 kittens,although I love them,they will never replace my Sonny.I sure do hope that animals go to heaven,I want to see my boy again one day.Only us animal lovers can understand the pain of losing an animal,and I'm so sorry that you both have also had to recently go through this.I will keep both of you and your fur babies in my prayers!!!

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Hi Butterfly,  ( I originally addressed you as Dawn because my email said that I received a message from Dawn and so I edited and changed it...SORRY)

I read your post and simply couldn't believe that yet another person has endured as much loss in such a short time. I'm so sorry for your losses.  I remember back in October saying, " I dont know how much more I can endure" and then one day in December, I realized I had been saying that every day since that day in October!!!  It's truly amazing what we can endure.

 It's all so sad but it's also comforting to know that we are not alone and that there are folks out there who can truly understand the enormous challenges we face every day in trying to keep on functioning.  It's also a relief to know that I"m not the only one suffering a multitude of losses  because I was beginning to feel as if something evil had posessed my life.  I'm serious.  I was so desperate at one point that I actually purchased two bundles of white sage to smudge the bad energy from my house!!!  Man did that ever STINK. 

It's been really hard for me losing barrett and I've literally had to FORCE myself to keep on getting up each day and functioning.  I don't have children either and that makes it even more difficult because Barrett was my child.  I've lost all my animals now and my house is empty.

Dawn, it's so hard when we aren't there at the end with our animals.  But, I try not to dwell on those awful and terrifying thoughts.  Our mind has a way of over dramatizing everything in these situations.  Everytime I relive Barrett's death, my stomach just drops and it changes my entire being.  I feel guilty too because I postponed Barrett's euthanasia by one day and she had to struggle and die a less than peaceful death in my arms the next morning.  I keep thinking how selfish I was to postpone the inevitable and how she suffered because of me.  I think what bothers me the most is that she, like your cat, may have been afraid at the end and of all the things that I did throughout her life to make her feel safe and loved, it angers and upsets me that she could have died being afraid to leave me, afraid of her illness.  It's just so awful.  I cannot even write about it anymore at the moment. 

Thanks for writing and sharing your experiences with us.  Lizzie

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Lizzie, Don't feel guilty for postponing Barretts euthanasia,you just wanted more time with your baby.The only thing that makes me feel just a wee bit better is remembering that maybe Sonny only had 5 short years,but I really and truly loved him with all my heart and gave him the best home possible.You had your little girl for 16yrs.?That's amazing!What a lucky little dog to have someone who loved her for so many years.Their are thousands of animals out there who get put to sleep daily because they don't have that person who loves them or cares about them.Our babies were lucky in that respect.I remember after my mom unexpectantly passed away,I would hug my little Sonny and say-Thank God I have my little boy!Well so much for that,I thought God had it out for me taking everything I loved.What kind of dog was Barrett?Take care,and I hope you are getting through the day ok.  Judi

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I can completely relate to what you people are going through, I lost my dachshund of 15 years after one day of illness.

I can't help but blame my self, somtimes I think if I had gotten him to the vets sooner he would still be here, He was around 15 to 17 years of age.

It just seems to be one thing after the other, my uncle and Gran died in the same year, but I just think he shouldn't have gone me and the rest of the family where really enjoying him getting old and having to look after him.

I had just finished college, and started to settle down again when all this happens.

I didn't expect him to go in the same year.

The vet said it was his age, but I can't help but think it may have been something treatable.

I think he was just enjoying him self again and getting back into the swing of things when this happens.

I can't understand it, after everything weve gone through, I feel as though I have let him down, my mum keeps saying I haven't but I can't help but think that.

The three deaths we had that year really shook me up.

Two I expected but not the third one, Ive had really bad depression, and ive lost interest in my work, so Ive never really been able to use my qulification to a maximum.

Now my mum needs an operation because she thinks she may have womb cancer.

I wish I was back in the 90's there wasn't any crap like this.

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I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.  I lost my baby in January and I'm still suffering so.  But, i know if I had a better marriage and a husband who actually supported me instead of not caring, I would be closer to healing.  I have no real support so it makes all this suffering feel even worse.

 

Your dachsund died sort of like my dog.  I mean that it seemed rather sudden and unexplained.  I've had enormous guilt over the whole thing and eventually turned to two animal communicators for assistance.  They both have helped me tremendously.  Would you consider consulting with an animal communicator? 

I know it may sound crazy and maybe you aren't in to the animal communicator 'thing' but it really did help me.

Every day is a struggle for me but I keep on the best I can and you need to do the same.  Don't put unrealistic expectations on yourself.  Just do what you can and be glad that you're doing it.  No one functions their best when they are under emotional and mental stress and especially when they are grieving.  It's absolutely essential that you slow down and take time to rest your body and mind.  Do you have people in your life who support you and comfort you?  if so, spend time with them, not people who can't relate.

Write me anytime if you need to.  hugs, Lizzie

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dachshundman

Im sorry I haven't got back sooner, I would try anything like an animal communicator if it will help, what exactley do they do Lizzie?

Let me know.

dave

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crazybirdlady

I am so sorry about your loss. I just lost my budgie of 9 years. SHe had an intestinal problem that we worked 2 weeks on to make her better. Tube feedings, antiobiotics, lots of vet visits. Then we got her all better and realized she needed surgery to remove a mass on the base of her tail. She was very healthy and active the night before the surgery. Then the next day, she died an hour after her surgery...lungs filled with fluid and her heart stopped. She was already conscious and everything. I feel terrible. She was my baby...I love her so much. I feel like we worked so hard to make her better and then it was all snatched away from us in an instant. I keep beating myself up over not being there with her when she died and I am upset that I even put her through surgery.

I feel really badly for you and feel your pain. I know it has been a few months since you lost your little guy, but I know it is still hard. I couldn't even imagine going through what you did. My heart goes out to you...from one bird owner to another.

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dachshundman

I couldn't begin to understand what your going through, only that time makes things better, I myself lost a beloved friend of 15 years.

I had to start taking antidepressants.

I hope that time helps you, I myself have developed certain therapy helping procedures.

I hope you will find something that will help with your stress levels and coping with day to day life.

I also hope that you have support from friends and family if there are people that understand your grief.

kind regards Dave.

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Hi dachshundman.. My name is Betsy, and I have been on Loss of an Adult Child for some time now, here at Beyond Indigo...

My 25 year old son, Danny, passed away in June of 2004. This website saved my sanity...

I was, and will forever be, the proud owner of four little doxies... Heidi, Cody, Kiley and Rosie,the furry long haired one~ The others were red, smooth..

Between November 29th of last year, and January 16th of 2009, 3 of them went down. Heidi was 17, Rosie was 11, and Kiley was 15...

Then, Cody departed on May 8th... He was 16.

I will never be the same, for they were a story... My 16 little feet that carried me through the loss of my son... The heartbeats at my feet~

Once a doxie owner, never the same.. I have not, and probably won't , get another, yet my plan had always been "When they start to depart, I will IMMEDIATELY get at least 2 more"

Not to be, at least for now. I do have 2 kitty cats that found me as the dogs were starting to depart. They are precious, and they are clearly here for a reason....

Please go to: http://www.daniel-pallick.memory-of.com and go under Tributes and Condolences...

You will find all of the tributes that I did for my doggies...

I feel your pain and am so sorry~

Betsy

xo

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