Death of my Buttons

[emerald1978]

On Dec. 31st I lost the love of my life my 16.5 year old cat Buttons. A few years back she was diagnosed with a Thyroid disorder but we were managing it quite well with the meds. In November we went for our usual vet visit to check everything out and she seemed to have a good checkup. Then 3 weeks ago Buttons stopped eating and drinking so I brought her into the Vet. The vet found a large lump on her side and after xray we discovered it was Terminal Cancer in her intestine. I got to take her home but was told she had about 2 weeks left. I was devastated but was determined to take care of her to the end. I have had Buttons right from birth as she was the baby of my childhood cat and have also had her so far for my whole adult life. Her and I have been through everything together and she was always there for the ups and downs. We got through the 2 weeks she had left with some ups and downs but then on Dec. 27th she had a bit of a reaction to one of the meds she was on and her body just didn't bounce back. After that I seen her go downhill and she was slowly in more pain each day. Despite everything she was still very social and doing some of her usual kitty things. On Dec. 31st though I decided that I just didn't want to put her through more pain as she was starting to really decline. So I took her into the vet at 4pm and had her put to sleep.

 

I have been absolutely devastated both that I have lost and her death. I've been crying non-stop since and been feeling really empty and alone. I walk around in the house and expect to see her come out some where or when I come home she is crying for my attention. Life is just soo weird right now and don't know how to move on without her. I'm having trouble putting some of her things away and it gives me great anxiety right now so I've left it where it is. The part I'm having trouble with the most though is having to put her down. The actual procedure has been haunting my thoughts since I've done it and really don't feel good about that decision. A big part of my personality is very much a naturalist and really would have liked her to just die on her own. I just felt like that whole day was a death sentence and reliving the actual experience was just horrible. How do people move on from putting their pet down? I know she was suffering and it was a kind thing to do but it still feels wrong. I feel so traumatized over that whole experience and I don't know how to get peace with it.

[ModKonnie]

Emerald1978,

I am so very sorry about the loss of your precious Buttons. I had a cat named Emmy, who I loved dearly and who was with me for more than 15 years. She was diagnosed with cancer, and I had trouble believing she was actually sick. I was advised to put her down, and I didn't. She suffered a terrible death, and in hindsight, I should have put her down.

 

Two years ago, I had another precious cat, Bob, who was very ill. I was advised to put him down. Again, I found it difficult to do. I watched him suffer for a few days, and then I made the decision. While it was a horribly hard decision, it was the right one. He was crying and moaning, and I shouldn't have let him get to that point.

 

The next time a vet tells me it's time to put one of my precious fur babies down, I am going to do it without waiting.

 

So, I hope my experience helps you to come to terms with putting your pet down. If she was suffering, it was the right thing to do. You helped her. The suffering would have been horrible to watch.

 

ModKonnie

[islander34]

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Buttons.  The pain you feel I am sharing with you after the loss of my two boy cats recently.  Posting on this site has helped me share some of my grief with other people. I to keep looking for my cat who died last November, in the garden one day I am sure I saw him out the corner of my eye, but no he was not there, a trick of the light or maybe he was sending me a little reminder that although I cannot see him his love and presence will always be close to me.  Now losing my second today the tears have come again but we have both done the right think to put them out of pain and for that we are good people. I cannot give you an answer how to move on, only the thought that they are out of pain has got me through the last 7 weeks, I now think the same after saying goodbye to my "Tog" today, share your pain with other people, I have, it may just help a little to just talk about it.  I am having Tog cremated the same as his brother, I have a picture of him with his ashes and collar in place where its on view but not in your face, every night I say goodnight sleep tight to him and every morning greet him by saying I love him, I will do the same with Tog.  I cannot see them both of course but that doesn't mean they have gone away, they are and always will be in my heart and soul. I send you love and hope you find peace from one cat lover to another.

[islander34]

Thank you for your reply, well done to you for collecting button's ashes, a very difficult task I know.  Glad you have sorted out a nice spot for her ashes and pictures, I am sure it will help.  It gives me a focal

point for my grieving, when I get Toggies back next week I will put them along side Pippins and with their

little photo frames with their little collars hanging on them to.  Some people would think I am nuts saying

good night and good morning to my little babies but I don't care, they deserve love even though they have gone from sight, though always in my heart.  This morning was awful waking up and knowing Tog was not there

anymore, the tears came quickly, I didn't know I could cry so much, terrible feeling of loss, now the sun is up I feel a little better.  The last few days of Tog's life I have spent sleeping in the same room as him, I made him a cosy bed by the radiator and when that went off I switched on his electric under blanket to keep him warm all night, God I loved those two so much, I feel as you do that my insides have broken. . Take care and I hope your pain eases by the day.

[islander34]

Sorry pictures,Tog is on top and little Pippin on the floor