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My world came crashing down

Bama Ryan

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In February 2009 I lost my mother to liver disease. She was only 59. I still have a lot of unresolved feelings regarding her passing. She was an alcoholic and her liver disease was mostly her own doing.


FWIW, I am in therapy because of a lot of those unresolved feelings.


My father and I grew a lot closer over these 5+ years. We would attend concerts out of town and regularly have meals together. He became my best friend.


My best friend died last Tuesday the 23rd. He was diabetic (among many other things) and had almost total neuropathy in his feet. He couldn't feel anything for all intents and purposes from his ankles down. He was also an alcoholic and smoker. He didn't take good care of himself at all. His eating habits were poor. He didn't exercise at all. 


A couple weeks before thanksgiving we had a cold snap (at least it was cold for South Alabama standards.) He had a space heater in front of his recliner. He fell asleep with that heater going full blast. He woke up to the smell of burning sock and flesh. He'd burned his left foot quite severely. I had to practically beg him to have it wrapped in the ER.


A week later he goes in for a follow up doctors appointment and they end up hospitalizing him from an infection fear. He was a lousy patient and ended up checking himself out of the hospital 2 days later. I wanted to kill him myself!


Over the next month I kept asking him "how are you feeling? Do you have a doctors appointment for your foot?" He kept saying he was feeling better, but I knew better. His mind was quickly leaving him and he was becoming even less active than he was before.


On the 19th, I got a call from a friend of his who said that he was calling 911 because dad was nauseous and incoherent. When they got to the hospital the doctors chose to amputate that left foot because he'd developed a severe MRSA infection. 


Well, he never really recovered from the surgery. Sepsis, fluid on the lungs, and he couldn't regulate his blood pressure without tons of medication.


I had to run point on the funeral arrangements. My sister was there but she was sick as a dog. I am a co-signer on his bank account (thank GOD he made that choice) but I'm swimming upstream trying to make sense of his finances. He let a lot of stuff go (which wasn't like him at all.) The power company had come to his house to cut off his power but I got them a check before they did.


My family and I have a ton of decisions to make. All the way from what to do with his dogs to his house. The house was the one where my mom grew up and has been in my family for close to 70 years. My grandfather was a farmer and owned a lot of real estate. Financially my sister and I will be in pretty good shape. But the heart isn't the same as the wallet, y'know.


Sorry for rambling but as a writer it's cathartic for me to get it out like this. Dad was a musician and had an epic record collection so I plan to get a turntable so I can enjoy some of it. 


This all feels overwhelming right now. My sister and I will be meeting with the lawyer who drew up his will next week. 


Basically, I'm scared. I have my own life to live and my own dreams to fulfill. But mostly my best friend is in heaven, and that hurts like hell (pun very much intended.)

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