2 Years

[HeyJude]

I can't even believe that it will be 2 years on Sunday, 1/4, that my hubby died.  Two years and I miss him more now than ever.  My heart feels like it has a big air bubble in it and it is hard to breath.  All the same emotions are still with me.  Only thing that has changed is that I finally accepted it.  But the longing for him is worse, it is so deep and is constant.  He is on my mind every single minute of every single day.

 

I feel so bad for all you newly widowed folks.  It hurts so bad and to read that two years later it still hurts is probably discouraging.  The pain isn't as intense as in the beginning, it has softened somewhat but it is still there, ready to explode when certain songs play on the radio or something triggers a memory.  I feel like my life now is just pointless.  I do what I have to do to get through each day all the while wishing that today would be my last here on earth.  This is a pretty eff'ed up way to live, ya know it?  I totally hate this life now.

 

To make matters even worse I found out that my first relationship, he died too in 2003.  That shocked me deeply.  He was only 52 and had developed liver cancer.  I just want this entire weekend to be over.

[Ritchie_uk]

I can't even believe that it will be 2 years on Sunday, 1/4, that my hubby died.  Two years and I miss him more now than ever.  My heart feels like it has a big air bubble in it and it is hard to breath.  All the same emotions are still with me.  Only thing that has changed is that I finally accepted it.  But the longing for him is worse, it is so deep and is constant.  He is on my mind every single minute of every single day.

 

I feel so bad for all you newly widowed folks.  It hurts so bad and to read that two years later it still hurts is probably discouraging.  The pain isn't as intense as in the beginning, it has softened somewhat but it is still there, ready to explode when certain songs play on the radio or something triggers a memory.  I feel like my life now is just pointless.  I do what I have to do to get through each day all the while wishing that today would be my last here on earth.  This is a pretty eff'ed up way to live, ya know it?  I totally hate this life now.

 

To make matters even worse I found out that my first relationship, he died too in 2003.  That shocked me deeply.  He was only 52 and had developed liver cancer.  I just want this entire weekend to be over.

 

Hey Jude,

 

I am so sorry how you feel, it must be so tough for you right now, and to also get the news of your first relationship, passing away.

 

Lifes not fair, and I can see that, I wish for you the pain softens more in your life and 2015 will be a new beginning for you in many ways.

 

You have been such a support in this forum and helped many people with your kind words, I hope you find peace soon.

 

Take Care

 

Ritchie x x