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My boyfriend died in his sleep....I'll never recover!


DDless

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 I dont even know how to start this. But to put it simply my boyfriend (who is 16 years older than me) died about 33 days ago. One night we were texting and talking like usual (I had just seen him the day before at school where he is a professor and I am a student working on my 2nd degree). We stopped talking around 12:30 when I fell asleep and by 8am when I texted him back I think he was already dead. I didn't hear from him for 3 days, went to school looking for him and wracked my BRAIN trying to understand what had happened. I didn't know he was house sitting at his parents while they were in Florida and he died while sleeping in their bed. 

My life has been turned upside down. I went through a rough divorce before this, I have 2 year old twin girls, I am still in school and now my boyfriend of 9 months (known him for over a year) and the LOVE of my life is dead. He'd been dead for 3 days and I didn't even know. I knew something was wrong, but I hoped to GOD it was nothing serious. When the police called me and said they had found his body I broke down. I layed in bed for 12 hours in shock and then deteriorated to the point where my family took me to the hospital and had me sedated for almost 36 hours. The month since he has died has been HELL. I didn't know people could FEEL this pain and still be alive? I miss him, his voice, his smell, his brain, his unconditional love, his hugs, his calm nature, watching him play with my twins. I need him, he was the bright spot in my life. I have wanted to die EVERY day since he left me. I am so angry at him for dying too. How could he leave me when we were just starting out? I finally found my person, and he just died......

 

Thanks for reading..

 

D

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Hi, I am new to this forum. My fiance passed away six days ago from a heart attack that he had in bed, next to me. I too feel that he was the perfect person for me and he felt the same way about me. It was such a shock and I think I am sitll in a bit of shock. I have had my moments of sobbing but I feel as though I have not cried enough. The service is monday and they want to have refreshments at "our" house afterward. After all this is over I know I am going to start feeling worse and worse. It is so unfair that so many people in this world do so many terrible things and yet live, while other kind, sweet, generous people die far too young. I sympathize with you incredibly. How traumatic that you did not know for such a span of time. I guess each person who loses someone has a bit of a different situation but all are traumatic. I hope things have gotten a little better for you I am so worried I am going to sink into a deep depression once all the planning and support goes away. Have you seen therapists or used medication? I saw a therapist that focuses on PTSD and reducing the effect it has on your mind and body. I went once and it seemed to help, I can't wait to see if a few more sessions help. 

 

Thank YOU for reading.

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Hello!
I heared on evening 23.12. that my partner has died few days ago (malign tumor). I have heared about his desease few month before and tired to do all to help, although the modern medicine reaised their hands of the case. I could nto come to myself, realising that that is something I simply cant share with anyone, so I was walking all the night throught the town and finished last few hours of the night walking up and down railway station. Ther eis no night posts wehjer I live and there is no internet in the night.

 

Apart of that I knoew he had problems with his family memeber before. I was desperated I could not help and I still DO NOT ACCEPT i WILL NEVER SEE HIMNAGAIN- I SEE HIM EVEN NOW, IN EACH PERSON THAT APPROACHES, i even call peopel with his name.

 

 

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Hi, I am new to this forum. My fiance passed away six days ago from a heart attack that he had in bed, next to me. I too feel that he was the perfect person for me and he felt the same way about me. It was such a shock and I think I am sitll in a bit of shock. I have had my moments of sobbing but I feel as though I have not cried enough. The service is monday and they want to have refreshments at "our" house afterward. After all this is over I know I am going to start feeling worse and worse. It is so unfair that so many people in this world do so many terrible things and yet live, while other kind, sweet, generous people die far too young. I sympathize with you incredibly. How traumatic that you did not know for such a span of time. I guess each person who loses someone has a bit of a different situation but all are traumatic. I hope things have gotten a little better for you I am so worried I am going to sink into a deep depression once all the planning and support goes away. Have you seen therapists or used medication? I saw a therapist that focuses on PTSD and reducing the effect it has on your mind and body. I went once and it seemed to help, I can't wait to see if a few more sessions help. 

 

Thank YOU for reading.

 

I am SO sorry. God that is so awful and bare and horrible. I think it is great to see a therapist. I have been seeing one once a week since he died. It helps some. It is hard when the funeral is over and then a week or two goes by and since you won't be outwardly sobbing 24/7 people start to think things are easier when in reality you can only cry so much before I think you just need a break. Doesn't mean the pain is gone. I also take meds for sleeping and anxiety and depression, the meds for sleep and anxiety are new since he died and I think they are the only thing keeping me from sheer panic, especially the first month. It DOES get worse in some ways, when the shock wears off, but it also will get better in other ways too. Sometimes the shock wearing off and then the anger starting is kind of a relief because you know you made it through the first step at least? I hope that makes sense. Not everyone gets angry but by about 10 days until recently I was VERY angry at him, at me etc. Mainly at him for dying. I didn't think he took the best care of himself and I was SO mad. I still kind of am but it's not as much of a burning anger. You can PM if you want to talk. You are probably still in shock, just keep breathing. And don't be afraid to get meds if you need them to sleep and function.

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I am SO sorry. God that is so awful and bare and horrible. I think it is great to see a therapist. I have been seeing one once a week since he died. It helps some. It is hard when the funeral is over and then a week or two goes by and since you won't be outwardly sobbing 24/7 people start to think things are easier when in reality you can only cry so much before I think you just need a break. Doesn't mean the pain is gone. I also take meds for sleeping and anxiety and depression, the meds for sleep and anxiety are new since he died and I think they are the only thing keeping me from sheer panic, especially the first month. It DOES get worse in some ways, when the shock wears off, but it also will get better in other ways too. Sometimes the shock wearing off and then the anger starting is kind of a relief because you know you made it through the first step at least? I hope that makes sense. Not everyone gets angry but by about 10 days until recently I was VERY angry at him, at me etc. Mainly at him for dying. I didn't think he took the best care of himself and I was SO mad. I still kind of am but it's not as much of a burning anger. You can PM if you want to talk. You are probably still in shock, just keep breathing. And don't be afraid to get meds if you need them to sleep and function.

 

Yes I do still feel that I am in shock of course I have my moments when I see pictures of him or us and as I was cleaning the house and moving his things. But I feel like a big wave is about to hit me after the funeral and I know that day is going to be rough, but i know everyone else there is experiencing their own pain so in a weird way that is comforting. I'll be seing 2 different types of therapists and going on an antidepressant. I am already angry at him, he did not take the best care of himself either and I found out on the tox screen more was involved than I knew. And while cleaning his room I found things that confirmed suspicions I had and what the tox screen showed so I am super angry at him for doing this to me. I know he loved me but it is hard to imagine that if you loved someone so much you wouud endanger your life. I guess everyones situation is different and we get angry for different reasons but its just part of the process. I'm just dreading going back to work because my job can be VERY boring and we used to talk all day on google messenger. Also I cant talk to his or my friends about the tox screen stuff so I am hopoing I can open up to the therapist about that. 

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My heart breaks for the sudden loss of your boyfriend. I find sudden loss to be extremely hard to adjust to.

 

I understand that nothing feels right.  That is where I am also in mourning the loss of my marriage.

I also feel nothing will ever be the same. 

 

Take lots of time for yourself to get used to your new reality. It is awful I know and you miss him so much.

 

My thoughts are with you.

 

Leisurely

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HI,

I am so sorry for your loss..

I am too, going through a devastating moment like you right now. I finally found a perfect person and I knew he felt the same way too. We were together for one and half year and had been living together for over a year. He insisted to came back to his house and died on the second nights.

It took three hours for the news to get to me, and when I rushed to his house, the bodybag passed me. It was very traumatic... Me too, feel like I'll never recover from this.. For these past 10 days I've been thinking about giving up on my life several times already..

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