Members Dr. Pat Posted December 26, 2014 Members Report Share Posted December 26, 2014 Good Morning all those who read this forum on the day after Christmas. You made it through. For most of us it is a time of deep reminders of all you have lost. Little things probably blind-sided you when you least expected it. For me it was standing waiting for my coffee to heat in the microwave at my son's house on Christmas morning and seeing a drawing one of my little grandsons had made which included a line about spending Christmas with both of us - his grampa and gramma. Keep in mind that those reminders are bitter yet sweet. They are not forgotten; you will never forget them. They are just not here, right now, with their skin on. Allow yourself to weep; it's both helpful and necessary in working through your grief. A grief with no tears or breakdowns would be one in which there was very little love or one that is stuffed deep inside a tiny, exploding box in your heart. Allow the pain - it will get better. Here's to a new year of growth for all of you who are grieving during this season. Dr. Pat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jcastek Posted December 27, 2014 Members Report Share Posted December 27, 2014 This Christmas did not even feel like Christmas, I don't know if this will change in the future, but I sure hope it does. My fiance passed away from a massive heart attach on 12/20 in our bedroom. (transfered to CICU on life support then pronounced shortly after). We had already wrapped all of our gifts to eachother. I chose to just open the ones he got me with no pomp and circumstance as if I was opening some mail I got. I'm not sure if I should have made it more personal and really took time to do this but it did make it easier. When with my family I just pretended it was everyones birthday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mmm Posted December 27, 2014 Members Report Share Posted December 27, 2014 I was SCARED of Christmas, I was SCARED when I saw smiling faces drunning and driving Santa on google, I was SCARED to hear Christmas songs, specially most popular ones...I was SCARED of the Christmas threes and of churches together..I was SCARED of love and of feeling it...I was SCARED of memories but they would not go out of my head..my bf was till now the only person who ever understood me ( I even had problems with ma partner and coleagues) , the only one who always knew how I feel and how to help me,. the onlyone who HONESTLY WANTED TO HELP ME, the only one I could relly to...I was migrating in the meentime, met a lot of lack of understanding and even hate...he was always there when I needed him, and now he died on the worst way and I will never see him again...bastards will survive... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hdsailor1200 Posted January 2, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 2, 2015 I made it through but with no happiness...my 5 beautiful grandchildren, being at Mass, all things my husband has been with us doing for 20 years where not the same..I never smile..no one to kiss me and say Happy New Year honey..Larry truly loved me..we had an unusual start to what turned out to be the best 20 years of my total 58 at the time..Larry had retired in 2013..we finally had regular income as he had been struggling with back pain for 4 plus years, He was seeing the VA doc's and they did x-rays of his hip April 11, 2014...arthritic chanes, expected and we could live with arthritis, maybe get him a new hip...well by April 28 he needed a walker as the cane he made was not doing it..I called ambulance and they came right away and brought him to a local non VA hospital..this hospital repeated the x-ray and told me and my husband Larry that he had 2 weeks to live and there was nothing they could do as it was now in all the bones, organs, this is why he was showing he was diabetic but was perfect BMI..6' 180 pounds..he had to check his blood sugar every day but it was always normal...give them the DNR we had made our legal wills on Legal zoom to make sure if we ever had a debilitating condition with no hope but pain and suffering we both wanted no life support, just comfort pain meds and liquids..if hungry we could eat but no artificial feeding tubes..they told me his pain was going to get worse and they had to make sure the DNR was signed, a butterfly put on this door and we did not talk away dying..we renewed our vows and just lied together and he held me until the last day..he lived exactly 2 weeks..I wonder how long he would have lived if they had not given him such an awful answer..I did not cry until after he died and now I can not stop..he was my caregiver and I have 3 of our beautiful labs..hope you have a better story with a better outcome...I would give everything I own if I could have him back but that is not possible...I love you so much, my husband, my soul mate, the one who helped my heart beat...from me/Judie here to my husband Larry/ there, in Heaven preparing our next home when it is my turn.....I want you back Larry...I love you with all my heart..it is broken...there is such a thing as a broken heart as I am living proof, my heart is broke... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members gold10tears Posted January 2, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 2, 2015 As long as I was busy, Christmas was fairly pleasant. And as long as someone else's happiness was being met, I was fine. Accepting presents graciously was difficult. I didn't want anything except to have my boyfriend back. My presents are still under the tree, opened but not being used. The day was full of activities. When I had a chance to relax, I felt dull and lifeless. It was easier to rejoice in others' happiness than my own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HeyJude Posted January 5, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 5, 2015 What Christmas? Since my husband is gone there are no holidays. My family consisted of my husband, my mother and my sister-in-law. SIL passed away 6 weeks after my husband so now it is just me and my mother. She is 86. It feels like all the reason for celebrating the holidays just disappeared. I hate being a widow. I hate not having a life. I just want it all to end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sim-law Posted January 6, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 6, 2015 What Christmas? Since my husband is gone there are no holidays. My family consisted of my husband, my mother and my sister-in-law. SIL passed away 6 weeks after my husband so now it is just me and my mother. She is 86. It feels like all the reason for celebrating the holidays just disappeared. I hate being a widow. I hate not having a life. I just want it all to end. Hey Jude, Sounds like you are having a bad time, hang in there you have got this far on your own and we need your kind input on this site. I relate exactly to what you are saying, having lost both my wife and mother in 2014 and not having any family within 3000 miles I didnt do Christmas this year either for the first time in my life. I know from your previous posts that you will get through this time of year and carry on and I would miss not seeing your messages. We must try to live for our departed loved ones I am sure that is what they would want. Peace and love Simon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HeyJude Posted January 6, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 6, 2015 I am Simon, I really am. The Holidays are just so hard. My mother and I reminisced about all the Christmas's gone by. How fun they were when mama had a house full of kids and a large family. Grandparents are all gone now as are aunts and uncles. Two of my siblings are gone, my dad, my husband and almost all of his family. There are very few left and that is the weirdest feeling. One thing is for sure, I am not afraid to die. I have more family on the other side than I do here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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