Lost my mother on Dec 20,2014

[parkska]

My mother lost a battle with Scleroderma on Dec 20, 2014.  She was very sick for the last 3 months.  She was in a nursing home the last month.  She started out in the Nursing Skilled Unit in hopes that we could bring her home.  She initially got better but then she started declining.  She was worse at night but would perk up during the day.  She passed away the morning of Dec 20 and I was not by her side.  I thought she had more time and I made the decision to go home and get some sleep. I was blow drying my hair to return to the nursing home when I received the call that she had passes.  I rushed to her side but only found a lifeless mother.  I feel so much guilt that I was not with her.  The pain is unbearable.

[BaileyB]

When my mother passed, the palliative care team really tried to prepare us for the fact that we may not be present when she passed. They say there is research that shows that most deaths occur just after the family has left... To go home, or to the bathroom. They think that often the person will choose that time because it's easier to let go and they want to spare the family. As hard as it is, and as much as you wanted to be with her, I wonder if she chose that moment to leave and I truely believe that there are things we can not predict or control... I offer this only as a thought, something to consider.

In time, you will come to remember her not by her passing, but by her life and the memories of times you spent together. I have tried very hard not to hold the memories of my mom's illness and death at the fore, because I know that would not be how she would want to be remembered.

I wish you all the best - your grief is very fresh and the journey is long... Take care.