Maybe it will help to tell my story

[newhor1zons]

May 5 2012, my mother died unexpectedly. She was my sweet supporter and I was devastated. We had been expecting to lose my father but she just slid in there and died first. Nine months later, my dad died. I am in my 50s and should expect this but I wasn't ready and I was destroyed. Three months after my dad, a sweet boy who had lived his high school years in my house hung himself. Soon after that, we found out about my husband's bladder cancer. I didn't sleep more than two hours in a stretch for two months while I cared for my husband. November 26, 2014, the day before Thanksgiving, he died. Oh man, he drove me crazy sometimes. We had some rough periods but I miss him so much. I need him. My family and friends are great but they are not my Jim. The only reason I don't just take all of the morphine and other medications we have left is because it would devastate my kids. 

 

My husband had this obsession with documenting EVERYTHING that happened. He had enough papers, copies of papers and journal entries to fill half of a one car garage. I used to get so frustrated and tell him, "You are going to die some day and leave me with all of this."  That's exactly what he did. I may have to move out of my house as he had no life insurance and I can't pay the mortgage. But first I have to go through every piece of that paper to see if there is anything in there that should be saved. His kids, my stepkids,  say they are going to go through it with me but I know from experience that they won't. They are all hurting so bad and they have all just fled. So I sit here and stare at everything and then just climb in my bed and go back to sleep. 

[Plimsole]

Newhor1zons, I'm sorry you've gone through all this. I know from my own experience how it feels to be left with all the paperwork and legalities. I too need need to move and its all an added hassle that we don't need when we should simply be grieving. Life is thrown completely upside down. It all feels very unfair.

Have you discussed what you need your step kids to do to help? Do you get on well with them?

You're clearly feeling isolated and even abandoned. If you need to sit there and cry, do so. I understand the feeling of wanting answers and a solution straight away, but there's nothing we can do to make it arrive quicker.

I wish I had a solution for you, I really do. But just know that people are here who understand anytime you need to vent. Take care.