I lost my Father and Grandma in 5 weeks.

[momentum]

My name is Collin, I'm a 22 year old college student, and I am grieving.

 

On September 8th, 2014, my 54 year old father suddenly died in the early afternoon of a massive heart attack. I'm still numb. I've learned so much from it all, and yet, every day more feels so unbearable. 

 

5 weeks later, I lost my 73 year old grandmother after a year long fight with cancer and injury. I miss them both, but it makes me feel almost guilty to say that I barely can feel the death of my grandma, even though we were so incredibly close, because I just lost my dad. 

 

I think I'm doing very well overall, and my support system says I'm doing amazingly "under the circumstances"

 

Sometimes I'm afraid that I purposefully block him, and his death out of my mind as much as possible so that it hurts less. Then, I get nervous that I'm avoiding it all. 

 

But then again, I'm still in college, and I live a couple hours from home, and if I indulge my agony too much I would fall off the earth. 

 

I can't fall off the earth. 

 

I don't talk to my friends a lot about it, because they have nothing to say that isn't awkward or annoying, and it's sad because I know they don't mean it that way at all, and I know that they are hurting too for me...it just feels very lonely. 

 

I keep it going for him though. 

 

I love you so much Daddy

[ModKonnie]

Momentum,

I am so very sorry about the loss of your father and grandfather. It is hard at any age to talk about the loss of someone precious if the other people haven't experienced anything similar. You can come here and talk about your dad and your grandfather all you want. 

 

How are the rest of the family dealing with your losses? How is school going for you? 

 

We will be here for you,

 

ModKonnie

 

 

[momentum]

Konnie and others...

 

Thank you so much for your note. I could feel the compassion in your words, and they are comforting. 

 

My sister is 24, and she lives at home with Mom. She's more of an overt, melodramatic griever. I don't mean to insult my sister, everyone grieves differently, It's just though because my mother and I are more personal with our grief. My mother is a wreck. She's so strong...going to work just days after it all, continuing to help and support me, and altogether keep normalcy as intact as possible. However, I know she's in agony. She shares her feelings which is good. We have conversations, and cry together. She shares posts with poignant quotes to her facebook, and all of her friends and cousins give her love and support. 

 

I wish I could get them to go to therapy for the trauma of it all. My sister went once and liked it, and wants to go back, but the insurance doesn't cover it, and I think it's just too soon for my mom or something because she seems to avoid the subject. 

 

School is going alright enough. I had to only take 9 credits in response to all of this, so my load is lighter. Nonetheless, everything is a bit tougher nowadays. I can't wait to get home in the next few days to be with my mom and sister, and to finally be done with this hellish semester. 

 

Sometimes I feel like I block it out and don't think about it all enough. It probably is a good thing to do because I need to function, but then it just keeps everything feeling very empty. 

 

I suppose it has been just too soon to have any grasp over what is happening, given that it's only been something like 13 weeks. 

 

 

Thanks again, and wishes of peace to you,

 

C