Loss of sons biological father

[Gia12]

When I was 20 I did a very stupid thing, I had just spilt up with my daughters father and he was already seeing someone else so to try and compete with him I had a one night stand with someone. At the time I never told anyone what I had done I just pretended it never happened and a week or two later I found out I was pregnant!!! I just assumed it must be my exes baby as it was to early to be the one night stands, so I told my ex it was his. So 9 months went by and I had my son but every day as he slowly grew up I could tell he wasn't my exes and that he was the one night stands as he was growing more to look like him every day and nothing like my ex!! I never told a single soul this as I didn't want to ruin my sons life anymore than I already had as he adores his dad and don't want to ruin that for them! And I know if I tell one person it will make the whole thing more real!! I always day dreamed about telling the one night stand the truth but I was always to scared what would happen if I did! I knew he remembered me as he would always smile when he saw me!!! I always hoped one day I would have the guts to tell him the truth!! About a year or so a go I started a new job and it just so happened the one night stand lived in this flats above it with his girlfriend so I started seeing him practically everyday!! Then last week he spilt up with his girlfriend and I thought maybe I should I message as I always have had a soft spot for him. One day I was up work and a ambulance and police car turned up and parked outside and people were seen running in and out of the flats. I could here a girl screaming and we gathered someone must of killed themselves so we kept keeping an eye out to see what was going on. Eventually someone turned up to collect a body and I saw them bringing the body out in a body bag it really freaked me out as that was the closest I had been to a dead person. We were trying to work out who it was and kept getting more info about everyday. I was chatting to my friend about the whole thing and she said so and so boyfriend killed themself this week too. And as you probably guessed it was the one night stand. I was completely shocked and now I can't talk to anyone about it as no body knows the truth and I can't risk telling anyone incase it gets back to my ex!!!! And know I will never ever be able to tell him that he is the father of my son and I am going to be haunted by the fact that he died in the flats above my work where I will have to go practically everyday!!! And the fact that I see him in the body bag!!! But I can't speak to anyone about it!!!! I'm in complete shock I feel like I'm being punished for my silly mistake. I just hope that he's in a better place now and knows that he is our son. I told my son that he has a guardian angel in the sky who is looking after him and if needs to talk to someone the guardian angel will always be available to chat too. I'm going to have to take this secret to the grave with me and it's going to haunt me for the rest of my life!!!!!!!

[ModKonnie]

Gia12,

I am very sorry this has happened, but this has nothing to do with you being punished. This was no fault of yours, and you didn't bring this on. You can always tell a therapist your secret; they are sworn to confidentiality. Perhaps it will make you feel better. 

 

Take care of yourself, and we will be here for you,

ModKonnie