I lost my boyfriend to heroin overdose

[the girl who believes]

I am not really sure what I am doing here... I guess I just need to share my story...

 

It all begun this summer. I was in USA on student exchange program, my second summer there. And that's when my beautiful fairytale happened... I met the most amazing, kindhearted, generous and loving man I have ever met. We worked together, we were both pretty disappointed from our past relationships and it just happened... One of these stories from the books and movies... I was more than happy... I was sure that this is the man of my life. As we were getting closer and closer he told me that he used to have problems with the drugs but he is done with that. He was taking pills, going to meetings. He was absolutely sure that he is done with that part of his life. Then the season ended and I had to go home in Europe. We were both sure that it's not  over, he was planning his trip to visit me through the winter and I was planning my next program. We were counting the months until we see each other... Until the time when nothing could tear us apart. And then a few days after I got home I was talking on the phone with him he said that he had done something stupid but he don't want to talk about now,  we talked a little more he told me how much he misses me and how much he loves me and then something happened and I couldn't hear him anymore... I tried to call him back but he didn't answer. I tried another 20 times but nothing changed I thought that maybe he had fallen asleep it was really late in USA... And on the next day I got the news that he had passed away... Heroin overdose...he Had passed out at the time when we were on the phone. I wasn't sure how to react then and I still don't know what to think... I will always ask myself the question why? After all the time that he was clean. I will always ask myself what if I have stayed with him? His family and friends are all telling me how grateful they are the had found me and he loved and was loved in return, and how much I had helped him.. But he is not here... I didn't save him... He is gone... And that just breaks my heart  I wish there was more I could have done for him while he was still here... It's been 2 months and I just feel lost. But now I believe in true love I'm just not sure about the happy endings.

[MissingDaniel]

I'm very sorry for your loss. I understand the feeling of wishing you could save someone. My husband was clean for 3 years before he died of an overdose. I will never know what made him choose to do it again. It was just once, and that once killed him. I guess what I would say to you is to feel good about the happiness you gave him and don't blame yourself. As much as we may want to save others, I think in the end everyone has to do that for themselves. Who knows what would have happened if the two of you hadn't met. The what ifs will drive you crazy.

Sending you comforting thoughts and prayers. I know your heart is broken, but time does help. Hang in there.