Lost my best friend, my Mom on 11/13/14

[heather5754]

I am new to this site, but have been reading posts for the past 2 weeks to help me somehow figure out how to deal with this grief.

 

I lost my Mom suddenly on 11-13-14 and my whole world is crashing down around me.  She was 58 years old, would've turned 59 on 11-15-14, and she should've had so much life ahead of her.  She apparently died of a blood clot passing through the large artery in her heart.  That, as well as heart disease, ultimately killed her.  We had no idea that this was going to happen.  She was on blood pressure medication and for some stupid reason, I never thought in a million years that this would happen.  She was fine the day before.  My Dad took her out, they went for dinner and to the casino and watched a movie together.  She got up on the 13th just like usual and went to work.  I called her at her desk that day to ask her some stupid question about my wedding, and when she answered she sounded angry, like she was having a bad day.  Someone came to my office so I hung up on her like I had done a million times before.  I always called her back.  This time, when I tried to call back, she didn't answer.  I still didn't think anything of it and just figured I would call her back later.  I didn't have a clue that it would be the last time I would ever hear her voice and I am killing myself with guilt over hanging up.  According to her boss she left work because she had a terrible headache.  She was supposed to wake my Dad up for work at 1:45, just like she always had.  He woke up on his own at 2:45 and went to the kitchen and saw her sitting on the couch.  He said he called out to her because she looked like she was just sitting there without the TV on.  He then noticed that her lips were blue and rushed to her to start CPR.  It was too late.  She was already gone.

 

This devastation is beyond anything that I can comprehend in my 35 years.  She was my best friend in the entire world and the only person who really "gets" me.  My sister and I went shopping with her nearly every Saturday and talked to her on the phone almost every day... at least once.  

 

I still need her and I don't know what to do without her.  My own guilt and devastation, on top of trying to make sure that my 60 year old Dad is okay after losing his wife of almost 40 years is just too much for me.  I'm barely functioning and I'm not sure where to turn.

[Laurenrae1123]

We share a similar story. I am so sorry to hear of your mothers passing. It's been almost 9 months since my mom suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. She was 59. We were absolute best friends. I still feel lost most days. My email is laurenrae1123@yahoo.com. Please feel free to email me, maybe we could exchange numbers and talk soon. I feel like no one gets what I'm going through.

[wistletone]

I'm sorry for your loss.  I lost my mom unexpectedly on 10-14-14. She and my dad were so loving and happy together.  He is lost, my sister has had a nervous breakdown, my brother is just not helpful or available for anyone.  Now my dad is in the hospital and I'm trying to keep things together.  Mom was my rock and sounding board and biggest champion.  I don't want to imagine my life without her.  All the women in my family live into their 90's.  My mom wasn't even sick.  So I'm trying to just keep going and be strong because someone has to have sense and I can't breakdown when everyone around me already has.  

 

The most important thing I wanted to say to you is that Your relationship with your mom isn't and can't be defined by the last time you spoke with her.  Its a lifetime of love that she has had for you.  Please let go of guilt.  It was a short conversation.  It doesn't reflect your relationship for her and more importantly her love for you.  Try to let that go.  She has I'm sure.  I wish you peace.

 

[IMISSHER50]

So sorry for your loss. My mother passed suddenly also. She died right next to me, and really wish I could have done something to help her. She was my only friend and my mom. I bury my grief and pain most days, and it comes out mostly at night. I try to focus on the good times and memories. I really hope you can find a way to cope.

[trasker]

Oh my lord, Heather, Laurenrae1123, heather5754, our stories are eerily similar. My mother had a simultaneous bleed and clot in her brain that killed her less than 2 weeks ago. She was 64, I'm 32. We were so very close, and we got together weekly. Losing your mom in early adulthood is its own special kind of hell. Not sure if i can be any help right now, as I'm a mess like you both, but you can message me here if you want to chat. Happy to listen to venting or share feelings. So much love to you both - I can't believe how hard this is. I'm adrift.