Still trying to save him

[Oma52]

My husband passed away from lung cancer 3 years ago. I find myself on cancer websites trying to figure out how I could have or should have saved him. I thought I was past this, but it is almost like I keep losing him over and over again. Will the pain ever stop?

[HeyJude]

Bless your heart.  I know how you feel.  My husband was an organ transplant patient and we went through about 13 years of very intense cardiology visits etc.  I was consumed with learning all I could about his particular heart condition, researching this and that.  Seriously, by the time he got his transplant I felt I could have easily passed tests to become a cardiologist..lol!!  After he died all the running around, ordering medication every month, tests for this and that...it all came to a grinding halt.  I felt lost, like I had no purpose anymore which I'm sure is how your feeling.  Its normal but you do need to find other things to be interested in unless of course you'd like to go back to school and become an oncologist. 

 

You have to realize though that there was no way you could have or should have saved him.  That is putting expectations on yourself that would never happen.  I mean, that is really expecting a lot out of yourself.  Our smartest, most educated medical professionals, scientists etc can't even find a cure for that horrible disease.

 

On another note...your name made me smile.  I am German and called my grandma and grandpa "Oma & Opa".

[Oma52]

Hey Jude,

Thanks for your kind response. My brain knows that I couldn't save him, but my heart still wishes I could.

My grandkids call me Oma.... My stepdaughter was born in Germany and she had the first grandchild, so it stuck.

Thanks again!