Members van8149 Posted December 3, 2014 Members Report Share Posted December 3, 2014 My beloved Wife died Sunday Nov. 23rd. I am the father of 2 children on my own. I am overwhelmed with Grief and Sorrow. I loved her so much, and she took her own life. I am barley functioning, cant sleep and have cried so much my ducts are dry. I am trying everything i can to keep my job 40 hours a week and take care of my daughter, 7 and my son 3. I feel like I could have done something to stop her or help her, but too late for that. I do not understand why she did it. Why couldn't she let me know? I am gone for one night with my kids at my sisters house for a spend over, the next day she is dead. I buried her last Friday and now have to face this harsh reality on my own. Without my sweet wife and my kids beloved mother. I am so depressed and am having a hard time with anything and everything. I just want some advice from anyone that has gone through this. I have a long road ahead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members van8149 Posted December 3, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted December 3, 2014 I feel also like I never want to wake up again. Just go to sleep and meet her wherever she is. Tell her I am sorry for not being there for her in her time of need. She filmed herself killing herself via webcam and I saw the videos the next morning. She took a Turkey bag over her head and got some helium tanks (can buy online to fill up to 30 balloons per tank) and had tubes going up into the bag that she cinched up tight. i logged into the webcam the next day to find her dead body sitting in front of the camera. If only I logged in the night before, I could have stopped her. I just want this life to end at this point. But, my kids have no one but me. I am not sure how I am going to make this. Those images of her doing that will haunt me for the rest of my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members van8149 Posted December 5, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted December 5, 2014 Thank you ad99. And I am so sorry for your loss. Being a single parent is not an easy thing, I know that now. I understand the Roller Coaster. It seems to shift daily. One day I wake up angry and later become a zombie and cant remember anything. The next, like today I just cant stop crying. I could have stopped her from doing what she did. I could have stopped her if I just contacted her that night. I was expecting to come home with the kids and give her a big hug and a kiss. Instead, I arrived with Forensics and Police officers everywhere in which they would not let me go inside to see her. She was cremated and I could have seen her body before they did so, but was told by the Funeral Home that her face was black and blue from lack of Oxygen and told me I would be better to remember how she looked when she was alive. I just have so many regrets. So many Should of's and Could of's Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HeyJude Posted December 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted December 8, 2014 Dear Van - I am so sorry for your loss. How tragic. Since I've been a member here at this forum I am astounded at the number of suicides. Its going to be rough but you are going to get through this. Life will never be the same as it was, it is forever changed but the human psyche is an amazing thing. We just adapt. Good luck to you and your kids. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DaddyTx Posted December 16, 2014 Members Report Share Posted December 16, 2014 Dear Van, I lost my wife Sunday Dec 14th so I haven't had as long as you to deal with all this, but your story and feelings you express are much like my own. We went to bed together Saturday night just like normal and in the morning she was gone. I have my son, 7 and daughter 15 that I have to try and hold together so I understand the overwhelming challenges of suddenly being a single parent. They ruled my wife's death as natural causes and flat out refused to do an autopsy to tell us what happened, so much as you feel there is something you could have done to stop it, I feel the same like maybe I missed a symptom or if I had checked on her when I got up to pee in the night. So many unanswered questions, so much hurt and anger and regret and so much more. I don't have any idea how I can help, just as so many people have asked what they can do for me. I will say that if you want to talk or vent together or just discuss the problems and challenges of being a new single dad, I'd be happy to hear from you. Well, not happy since I really wish that none of us here had to go through these moments. But I can offer an understanding ear and maybe we can help each other be better dads. No matter what, just remember that you have to carry on no matter how much it hurts or how angry or lost you feel. Our children are all we have now and we both have to be more than we ever wanted to be because it's what they deserve. I hope this helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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