Members annieragz Posted December 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted December 1, 2014 My dad died two weeks ago. Taken by the vile monster that is pancreatic cancer. Everyone (including my dad!)always told me that my dad will always be with me. That I will see signs... I don't see anything and have a terrible fear that he is gone forever. I'm so scared and feel like I'm in a nightmare. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members saff Posted December 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted December 1, 2014 I know right now you may not believe me, but it will get a little bit easier. The first few weeks are the hardest. I felt the same way. It's been 6 weeks since my dad passed away. In those first 2 weeks I couldn't even get up. I just didn't want to. And I would relive it every single morning and night. The confusion would hit me as soon as I got up. Is he really gone? You learn to accept that he's not coming back. I hate it, but you do learn to accept it. I still look for signs of him. Everywhere. Sometimes I can hear his voice in my head. Sometimes I have a weird inexplicable feeling that he's there, I can't see him and it's bizarre but I feel he's watching over me. It will come with time honey. Once the initial shock and heartache has passed, and acceptance sets in. Please hang in there. He hasn't abandoned you. If he told you he'll always be with you, he will Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members annieragz Posted December 1, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted December 1, 2014 thanks so so much. that really helps you are so sweet. I'm so sorry for your loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JeanMihalick Posted December 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted December 1, 2014 My mom died in September, I understand where you are coming from, believe me. I wasn't feeling well last week and just cried out I want my mommy. As you I alleys was taught mom will always be there and now she isn't and I'm shocked, confused, sad, angry all rolled into one. With me the first 2 weeks were a blur with arrangements, insurance, everything else that needs to be done. It was after the service that I finally broke down. Then the phone calls and texts stopped as her brothers and sisters got on with their lives. I was like what about me? That's when it really sunk in. Hugs and prayers, we will all get through this.... Somehow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JeanMihalick Posted December 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted December 1, 2014 My mom died in September, I understand where you are coming from, believe me. I wasn't feeling well last week and just cried out I want my mommy. As you I alleys was taught mom will always be there and now she isn't and I'm shocked, confused, sad, angry all rolled into one. With me the first 2 weeks were a blur with arrangements, insurance, everything else that needs to be done. It was after the service that I finally broke down. Then the phone calls and texts stopped as her brothers and sisters got on with their lives. I was like what about me? That's when it really sunk in. Hugs and prayers, we will all get through this.... Somehow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Never better Posted December 2, 2014 Members Report Share Posted December 2, 2014 My dad died two weeks ago. Taken by the vile monster that is pancreatic cancer. Everyone (including my dad!)always told me that my dad will always be with me. That I will see signs... I don't see anything and have a terrible fear that he is gone forever. I'm so scared and feel like I'm in a nightmare.I'm so sorry, I know how you feel. Truly. I don't see signs either, that bothers me. I feel like I'm in a nightmare too, and I have horrible nightmares almost every night. It is more than tough. I wish I could email you, but I don't see that as a feature on this website. They should really have that for members so we can talk to each other and try and support one another.I wish I knew what the answer is, I need one too. Talking does help. If you need someone to listen or relate to, I'd be more than happy to fill those shoes. I'm in them myself. Words can't express the pain. Trying to find something you even remotely want to do is hard. Maybe just a movie or some other distraction to keep your mind off things. People say that time heals, but I know it's not time that heals anything, it's new experiences that you have that make the tradegy seem more distant, and you have new experiences to build on. I know it will never go away. The more you love, the harder it will be. I wouldn't take back any of my love, not even for a second. I would give more, if that would even be possible. I would. I would give even more. And that is the price you pay for love. It's hell, but I will continue to pay it, and I will never stop loving my mom more than anything in this world, ever. She deserves it, eternally. I won't give that up, never, for the rest of the time I am here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members gus22 Posted December 2, 2014 Members Report Share Posted December 2, 2014 My dad passed away on the 16th. It still seems like a dream, and that I will soon wake up from it. He too was taken by cancer, but in his case it was lymphoma. He battled for 8 years, so we had lots of time to appreciate life with him and really live the last few years, knowing any day could be the last. All that being said though, it is a very strange transition. Despite reading about death and life after death for years, I was still not quite prepared for how this would feel. I miss him terribly. And I am not sure if that will change. But, slowly, I have adjusted my mindset and my point of view. I see my dad as the spirit that walked this earth in the body which we buried three weeks ago. I see that body as being weakened by his disease, and in the last few years, a huge encumbrance to his wonderful spirit. He is free now. No longer shackled to his disease. I have never stopped talking to him. It is usually in private, but I do speak to him, out loud (not in my head). It helps a lot. I have also learned to listen for him. Again, this is so strange, because while living, listening for him was usually hearing a voice on the other end of the phone. Now I find it is different. I constantly feel as though I am being "nudged" to do certain things. Every day I get the urge to phone mom to see how she is doing. I am not sure why, just that deep down, a part of me is being persuaded to make the call. I also hear him through things on the radio, or articles I read. It is funny how reminders of dad jump out at the most unusual times and from the most unusual places. I do believe he is here with me, and that he will always be here with me. I believe the same for your dad. He is there. He is talking to you. And with time, I know you will begin to hear him. Take care of yourself and don't stop believing that the spirit endures. In my opinion, the spirit of my dad and the spirit of your dad and all dads are too beautiful to simply expire with the human body. They just take on a different form. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members teacat Posted December 2, 2014 Members Report Share Posted December 2, 2014 I understand what you are going through. So sorry for your loss. My father died tragically right when I entered my 20s. I NEEDED my dad so much that when I got the news of his passing, my first instinct was to call my dad... In some cases, I believe the passing of an individual can be just as shocking for the individual as is it for the ones with the loss. Just as you feel disoriented and not really yourself at this time, it would be unrealistic to expect them to "reach out" if they are in such a state. Be patient. These things will be subtle so pay close attention. My dad was known for his "I love you"s, and over time I noticed these little phrases would appear in a photo, on a random balloon or at a fruit stand, and instantly I would think of my dad as if he were saying it to me! No, chairs don't move, I don't hear his voice and I don't feel a "brush" against me. I still cry sometimes and that hopeless longing is still a feeling that hurts. It's in this hurt that I find strength. I could have given up so many times, turned to drugs, ruined my life...but I couldn't because of everything he did for me...that would have been like two tragedies, and I would have been letting him down. Who knows, he could be reincarnated by this point, so maybe his spirit is busy doing other things right now (he always said he would love to come back as a cat because, well we had one and she was so relaxed) . What remains, however, is the fact that he will always be my dad, not even death can take that away. When I say something that he taught me, certain habits I picked up from him, my likes and dislikes, that's him with me. I am a better person because of him. I thank him because he made me who I am today. It's been 10 years and I've missed him every single day. I still want to make him proud so I guess in this way, he's still my biggest fan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members babygirl86 Posted December 4, 2014 Members Report Share Posted December 4, 2014 I lost my father 9 days ago. I can't even believe I just typed those words. It was all of a sudden. I'm in shock. Pissed. Hurt. Please help Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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