Members angelzone Posted November 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted November 30, 2014 Twenty some years ago my younger sister was murdered by her husband. He got away with the crime, but everyone including the FBI knows he was responsible. He then raised my young cousins, and they have been really impaired until this day. Thirteen years ago my beloved son who was just thirteen was killed while riding his bike on the sidewalk. I've had at least forty surgeries during the past ten years and am have lived in constant pain for that duration. Yes, I take plenty of pain pills which doesn't help my demeanor but does help with reducing the pain. It does wonders for being a being a good husband and father. Not. I was talking with my neighbor yesterday and realized that I should be broken, but I'm not. I wouldn't say I'm happy, but I am certainly not unhappy. And I starting thinking why aren't I broken. I think realistically many people with my circumstances would be broken, but I am far from it. Why? After the death of my son, so many people were trying to console me with their ideas of how I should feel and that I should read this book,.etc. because these books have all the answers. To me reading books are like reading a cook book while you are starving. Reading about food isn't a meal, it won't satiate your hunger. The same goes for other peoples experiences. They aren't mine, and if they aren't my experiences, then I can't truly trust them. So many people believe. Belief is the opposite of knowing. You know through your own actual experience. Once you have had an experience then you no longer have to believe. Got it. About three weeks after the death of my son my wife and I went to see a medium. I was a bit skeptical, but I really needed to find my own answers about where my son was and if he was okay. The medium didn't know my name or my telephone number, but provided such detail about my son and the accident and what and how he was doing, a huge weight was lifted from my heart. A few years later I was past life regressed where I got to meet with my son in the spirit world and had an actual conversation with him. I mostly listened. At that point I realized that things that happen are meant to happen and we are meant to learn from the circumstances given to us. It's optional of course. For me, I know that everything that happens is for my benefit and "good" isn't necessarily good, and "bad" is necessarily bad. For that reason, I understand that my son is fine, and I don't need to wonder why all the time and feel sorry for my self. I have still have a full heart, but a part is missing that will never be replaced. I'm okay with that because there is nothing I can do to change things. I just have to go with the flow and be thankful for what I have and accept this life I have been given. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted November 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted November 30, 2014 For me, I know that everything that happens is for my benefit and "good" isn't necessarily good, and "bad" is necessarily bad. For that reason, I understand that my son is fine, and I don't need to wonder why all the time and feel sorry for my self. I have still have a full heart, but a part is missing that will never be replaced. I'm okay with that because there is nothing I can do to change things. I just have to go with the flow and be thankful for what I have and accept this life I have been given. Thank you, Angelzone.....for sharing your story.....I am still searching for that balance..that niche...where I can sit between Grief and Grace..... where I can have Acceptance with Grace.....I knew early on I did not want to become Broken and Bitter... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Margo60 Posted November 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted November 30, 2014 Excellent note Mermaid Tears. Acceptance with grace without being bitter and broken. I'm writing that down on an index card ( I carry the cards to pull out and read statements to ground me). Thank you Angelzone for sharing your story! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted November 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted November 30, 2014 Margo....I am on the '3rd' year of my grief journey.....it took that long to formulate that thought and search.... I am not there yet....I will know when I am..... still seeking.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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