first christmas after my eldest brother died 2 months ago

[lucybean]

 

 

hi ,

 

i haven't written on lhere before ,

my eldest brother died 2 months ago , the shock is still my over riding emotion, alot of the time i feel like i have to remind myself what has happened everything has moved soo fast and changed forever , it's almost impossible to comprehend.

he was on holiday with 2 friends, he said he couldn't really afford to go but it was for work and he was looking forward to it, but he said a few days before he was due home he hurt his chest and thought he had pulled a muscle.

the day he was due to return , he had to take himself of the plan , the pain in his chest was so bad, he was rushed to hospital and died after being worked on for an hour and put on life support.

the doctors didn't know what went wrong so there was a post mortum and they said it was an infection that attacked his heart muscles, apparently 20% of deaths in young people happen this way (especially men). He was fit and healthy and it seems inconseviable that something like this would happen.

Apparently the UK / worldwide government know the risks but as most cases are not noticable until it becomes fatal they don't want to inform people and get them to have heart scans to stop panic, which i think is disgusting , if there was even the slightest chance this could have been caught earlier and even prevented it should have been.

this is going to be the hardest christmas ever and i don't think we will ever have a special occasion that is not now bitter sweet and makes us miss what we once had as a family. Every day is a mammoth task and a battle to fight off the tears, even though we do laugh and you don't think about it every second , as you soon find out life sadly doesn't stop for grief and sadness , no matter how much you want it to. And some form of day - to -day living has to continue at some point.

But i think the time it took to have his body returned and the delay in the funeral made it all that much more stressful , and now with the property market as it is and the fact we have to sell his flat he loved so much and to find it wasn't covered by insurance , it's just heart breaking and sooo sooo stressful for my family , especially my dad who is in charge of his estate, but at 33 you don't ever think about life insurance or writting wills.

but i hope sharing my story and feelings with others going through some time similar will bring me at least some sense of not feeling so alone.

my heart goes out to all those who have lost someone they hold dear .

they will live in the hearts of those who love them forever.

 

lucy x x x x

 

 

[reginagreene]

Just wanted to send out a hug to you.. My Brother killed himself on Nov.25 of last year.So l know about the bitter sweet holidays. last years christmas was a blurr and this year my husband and I have agreed to celebrate privately .. I don't feel like trying to pretend the pain isn't still there. so I will just spend this one with my husband alone. Dealing with what I did not get to last year.. I will pray for you and your family Tell your parents that I am so sorry for there loss, I know as a mother of 3 I can not imagine what there level of pain is.. again Hugs to you and yours..Regina

[mazza4008]

Hi Lucy,

I hope during this stressful time you can think of the lovely times you once had with your brother. Life has changed and not having that special person who knows you and the your life growing up is so hard to comprehend. Its been six months for me and i remember when it first hapened.You walk around in a daze crying and doing things mechanically. I hope you can stick together as a family and support each other through this difficult time. I am taking everyday as it comes and hope I can go through life not having my brother here as my rock.  now am here on my own supporting my parents.  My heart goes out to you and your parents Take care family is everything. My children and husband have helped me on my down days.

Mazza.

[lynnielou]

Hi Lucy,

I'm very sorry for your loss and am sending you hugs from Canada.  My brother died 2 months before Christmas last year and your note reminds me of how difficult it was to get through the holidays one short year ago.  Our family still gathered, but changed the location - we couldn't face having a family gathering at our same spot.  We toasted my brother before dinner - as this was the biggest thing on our minds - we acknowledged how much we missed him.  For mom, we bought her a family necklace (with birthstones representing each of us kids).  We gathered together, but of course, everything was different.

I remember being relieved when the day was over - I think the dread of the Christmas season was worse than the day itself.  I took the advice of many of the wonderful people gathered here and kept it simple.  This year, I feel hopeful that our gathering can be a happy event.  It doesn't mean that we're not aware of our loss, for me, it means that we're learning how to cope with our loss.

Peace to you,

Linda

[waitingfor4]

Dear Lucy

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother. I know how the shock subsides and then suddenly reappears.  How did your Christmas go?  I hope it was ok for you.