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Mom passed last Friday seconds before I got to her hospital room.


elflauta

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Last Thursday I took my mom to the emergency room. They said she had sepsis and admitted her, promptly starting antibiotics. She told me about 9pm to go home and rest. She seemed fine. I had just went to get her a milkshake from Dairy Queen. The next morning I got dressed, loaded up some wound care supplies to re-bandage her leg. I got off the elevator and went through the CCU doors to see a group of nurses outside of her room. I ran down the hall and saw them trying to do CPR. They wouldn't let me go in. I saw them pushing violently on her chest. The heart monitor went up and down as they worked. After three times I said  STOP. They were too rough with her 79 year old frail body. After they all exited the room, I went in to her side. Her eyes were half-opened, fluids dripping from the breathing tube, blood on her hands. I didn't care. I grabbed her hand, put my mouth to her ear and told her that I loved her, I'll miss her, and I'm happy that she let me take care of her these past years. She looked so worn out. So exhausted. After I spoke it seemed as though her eyes closed. But the heart monitor still said 68bpm. I burst into tears like a baby and wept uncontrollably. The nurses comforted me and told me that she was in a better place. But for this to happen so unexpectedly that morning has devastated me. My dad is gone, my mom is gone, and i'm an only child, unmarried. At home alone for the first time ever in my 54 years. I'm so hurt, so regretful, so pained. I've been to the gravesite everyday to tell her that I'm sorry and that I love her and miss her. I'm having bouts of crying and I talk to her as if she's here with me at home. This is the worst time in my life and I don't know what to do. It hurts me because I don't know if she heard me when i spoke into her ear. She was a Christian woman, loved by many people. An angel to many. And now to have Thanksgiving without her tomorrow. OMG, this is going to be hard.

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I am so sorry for your loss.  Your mom is a beautiful lady!  The nurses are right!  I believe that your mom is in a much better place and being she was a Christian woman, she knew that.  I can relate to the feelings of being alone that you talk about.  Within 11 months I lost both my mom and dad.  Although I have a sister and brother, my parents were the glue in our family.  Any gatherings our family had were centred around our parents so now it is rare that I see my siblings.  My parents lived with me and the house feels so empty now.  There are so many memories here of having them with me over this past decade.  All good memories but they are tough to get through at this time due to missing them so much.

 

My mom passed on in Oct. of last year and my dad this past Sept.  During those 11 months after my mom left us, my dad taught me something so very important.  He taught me that "we don't get over it .... we get on with it."  He shared much wisdom with me in those last months.  I watched him carry on and live his life as he always did .... being a good man, doing things that brought him joy like working in the garden, go for coffee with his buddies, etc.  Although it was hard on him to lose his loving wife, he knew that he had to remain here until his time to "go home."  

 

I think the best we can do to honour our parents is to be the best people that we can be.  You mentioned that your mom was an angel to many.  It is hard to live up to the standards of such good people but that is what I strive for today.  That is the best I can do for now is try to be a good person to others and to myself.

 

Special occasions, like Thanksgiving, Christmas, anniversaries, birthdays .... all of them are going to be tough at first but I believe that our heavy hearts will lighten as time goes on.  We've already had our Thanksgiving here in Canada so now as Christmas approaches I know that I have to get through that season.  I decided to work over Christmas to get through the holidays.  For me keeping busy doing good things helps.  

 

We are always going to miss our parents but I will go with what others share here ... that as time goes on the memories will bring us feelings of joy over time.  Joy in knowing them, in loving them, in having them as parents, in all of the blessing over the years.

 

Take care and on this day of Thanksgiving and thank the Good Lord for blessing you with such an amazing woman ... your dear mom.

Cindy Jane

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I'm so sorry you lost your mum. I lost my dad on the 7/11. I understand how you feel completely. My parents are my world and my life. I live with them because as they got older they needed more help. Your mum knew how much you loved her it was shown to her everyday in the care that you gave to her. You mom was a very special person not only to others but also to you. How lucky you were to have such a wonderful woman as your mom.

 

I know you are feeling shock at the moment and probably just going through the motions. If you are like me you will also be finding it very hard to believe that she is gone. I feel like my dad is just in the hospital and will be coming home.

You need to take some time out for yourself. Have you got friends that you can spend time with or that can be there for you? Reach out to the people that loved your mom. Ask them for a listening ear so you can talk about her or just ask for some company to help you get through this.

Work is a good idea to as it gives your mind something else to think about for a little while. And don't forget that you have your lovely mums blood running through your veins so you will never truly be without her.

 

Please come in here to chat as often as you can because you will find people that want to help you to get through this.

Take care xx

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Posted

Hi, I read your post and could not help but respond.  I lost my dad on the 16th of this month.  It was sudden and unexpected as well.

 

Like your mom, dad was also in his late 70s.  And like you, I visited and cared for him while he was in ICU.  His daily request to me was for a milkshake from Dairy Queen, something, like you, I honored and brought to him every day.

 

I feel your pain, I am not sure how I will get through the upcoming holiday season.  All I can offer is my ear and my promise to share with you whenever you need.  I get my strength through talking about my loss as well as through my faith.  Again, like your mom, my dad was a Christian who had a strong faith in God and Heaven.  A faith that I have adopted from him.  I get a lot of strength from this, knowing that he is at peace with our Creator, free of all pain and suffering.  It does not help how much I miss him, but it certainly eases my pain knowing he is in a better place.

 

Stay strong.  The best we can do right now is honor the memory of our parents and carry on for them, knowing they are with us every step of the way.

 

Take care

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Posted

I'm sorry! I lost my mom in September and it's quite frankly the hardest thing I've ever gone through. Instead of getting easier, gets harder every day. I miss her so much.

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