Holidays

[The Veil]

Does anyone else feel like Jekyll and Hyde? I feel like I'm on an emotional rollercoaster. One day I am fine and then I am crying for four days more, then I'm fine again whether it's numbness or I'm actually having a good day and I'm feeling happy.

I was feeling good yesterday. Not great, just good... comfortable I wasn't going to burst into tears without warning. I've had a two day break. 

 

Today, I was okay until I went food shopping for Thanksgiving. While I'm waiting on one of the store workers who is looking in the back to see if they have an item I can't find I look at where I am standing and *bam* the silliest thing just made me burst into tears... It was a bottle Sriracha - Rob loved the stuff. At that moment this wishy washy song comes that sets me off even more. The woman grabbing something near me looked at me like I was a nut and the kid came back from the back to hand me what I was looking for to find me in tears. I couldn't get out of that store fast enough. 

 

I feel like I am going out of my mind never knowing how I am going to feel and anything can and will change in a split second. I miss him so much my heart aches

 

With the holidays coming up, I notice I am becoming moodier.  I am usually very stable, level-headed,in control of my emotions and reactions. I'm no where close to feeling like I have even slightest bit of control over this. I suspect it's going to be far worse once Thanksgiving comes (I'm cooking, we;ll see how that goes), CHristmas, New Years, etc... 

Does anyone have any suggestions to help with my rapid mood swings during the holidays? I truly do not want to be a downer for others...

[LostMyBaby]

Hi Veil, It has been a little over 10 months that I lost my Dottie and the emotional roller coaster continues for me. I still cry for her daily and miss her so much it hurts.

 

I also can relate to your shopping story. I used to do all of the shopping and cooking. It is so hard not buying the things that she liked to eat. I used to buy her a single rose every week when grocery shopping and I really miss her acting so surprised when I would come home. I still do that and keep it on her urn so she can still be surprised in heaven.

 

As for a suggestion to help you I have none other than just do what makes things easier for you.

 

Hugs to you, Dale

[The Veil]

Hi Dale-

 

Thank you for the response.  I guess it's pretty much doing what I have been doing... one moment at a time and if the feelings overwhelm me, so be it. Okay. I was hoping maybe there was some super secret subterfuge or self jedi mind trick people use to disguise or restrain their maelstrom of emotions while grieving over a recent death during the holidays. I guess there is no trick but to get through them for now.

I am sorry for the loss of your beloved Dottie. You even cook, too!  Lucky her!  Rob was a startup guru and a professional chef.  It was something we enjoyed doing together, since I love cooking, too. I hope you have more peace and happiness this upcoming Thanksgiving. Be safe and thank you again.

[gold10tears]

I can relate to all posts, and then some. I knew Thanksgiving might be difficult, and it was. Shortly before, I started sleeping a lot, and felt deeply depressed, to the point of moving slowly and not being able to focus. The night before was the hardest. It seemed like everything was wrong. I was devastated, and had to go to sleep early. The holiday itself was bearable. Still, I wish he were here, to experience the season with me.

[Seraphima]

Hello All, First I would like to say I am so sorry for  everyone's  losses.. I lost my husband this past April and I just don't know how to live without him. He was everything to me and I am totally lost without him. I don't know how I will ever get through Christmas. Time has stood still the day he passed. I love him more and miss him more today and just cant stop crying.

[The Veil]

Hi Sera, Gold, and Dale-

 

The day prior to T-day his mom had called me - which set off the tear works after we hung up. Nothing upsetting... just an hour and half long conversation catching up, she had questions that only I could answer, a few stories, and some motherly advice from one widow to another. Yes, she feels her son and I may not have been married yet but I was his wife.  It was a nice surprise to hear from her.

 

There was an odd calm about me Thanksgiving. I was surprised I did not shed a single tear - probably because I was too busy and by early evening, too exhausted.  I think it's the first time  in a long time I slept twelve hours without waking up once. My normal sleep patterns are anywhere from four to six hours for the past twenty or so years, waking up multiple times during the  night. I slept like a log. I did notice I was exhausted for the next couple of days... which usually a good night of rest takes care of.

 

Now, I am back to the emotional rollercoaster the past couple of days...

Did I mention this new normal sucks?  I don't have to tell any of you that ::grins ruefully:: You're all living it, too.

I hope your holidays were nice or at least bearable.

 

Peace my friends and thank you for taking the time to respond