Suddenly lost my partner 2 weeks before our daughter was born...devastated

[w114lrs]

On October 29th I received the worst news of my life.  My partner was found unresponsive.  I was pregnant with my first child, a baby girl that he was so excited about.  I attended the funeral on November 6th and our daughter was born on November the 10th.  To say I'm devastated is an understatement.  I'm trying to find joy in my baby while grieving at the same time.  I don't know if I'm coming or going.  To top it off he was found in the home of an ex girlfriend and they are saying the cause of death is a possible overdose!?  How am I supposed to digest this when I didn't even know there was a substance abuse issue in the first place.  Granted we are awaiting autopsy reports but as you can imagine the circumstances make the death that much worse.... Each day I learn a new secret.  Praying for some sort of peace because at this time I don't see any light at the end of this dark tunnel.

[MissingDaniel]

My heart goes out to you. I can imagine that as happy as you are about your new baby girl, it must be very hard to focus on that with the grief and the questionable circumstances. I am so sorry. I know that until you have at least some basic answers, it's going to be difficult to move forward and begin to heal. But I also know that past a certain point, the details don't necessarily matter. Knowing everything won't bring him back. My husband overdosed while he was at the home of his childhood best friend that he had not seen in many years, and after being clean for over 3 years. I questioned, wanted to place blame, got angry, but in the end, I had to accept that whatever had really happened, it could not be changed, and I was going to be left to raise our children alone.

You are still very early in this journey, and I know the pain is very raw and fresh. I hope you will treat yourself kindly and try the best you can to enjoy this time with your new baby girl. Do you have help with the baby so you can take time for yourself too? This is the hardest thing you will probably ever have to do, but you can get through it, and you have the best reason in the world there in your arms. After a year and a half, I can tell you that it really does get better, even though you can't imagine it. You still miss them, but you learn to live with the pain, and it doesn't feel as all-encompassing and disabling as it does at first. I will keep you and your sweet baby in my thoughts. Blessings to you both.

[w114lrs]

Thank you so much for the kind words.  I hate that you had to experience that, however I am glad to hear that it gets easier.  At this moment I can't imagine it.  I pray that you continue to have strength.  Are your children old enough to understand?  It makes me angry because my daughter didn't ask to me born into such a messed up situation.

[MissingDaniel]

Yes, unfortunately my children were old enough that they had seen the results of their father's addiction. My oldest was 11, and she had seen far too much in her 11 years. They were just beginning to get to enjoy having him healthy. I understand. He was still in his addiction when both of them were born. I can remember being in the hospital after having both of them and my husband not able to stay more than a few hours at a time before he had to leave to get something so he wouldn't be sick. At the time, I didn't really know that was the problem. No, they didn't ask to be born into it. But now, all you can do is resolve to give her the best life you can. You can't change it, but you can do your best to heal yourself so that you can move past the anger and do your best for her. Do your best to preserve her father's memory so that you can share that with her as she grows. I pray for your strength as well. It will come in time. For now, just breathe. Bless you and your baby....

[The Veil]

I had seen your post a few days back and yesterday I thought to myself how conflicted you must be feeling. I have no words other than I am so very sorry for your loss.